Gossip for grown-ups
Farrah Fawcett's death wasn't just overshadowed by Michael Jackson's death - it was comprehensively out-weirded. And that's almost impossible. Because even though Michael Jackson left behind a bunch of kids that weren't really his, an ex-wife who doesn't really want access to her own children and an abusive father who was deliberately cut out of his will, Farrah Fawcett left behind her boyfriend Ryan O'Neal. And that's much better. Much much much better. Because Ryan O'Neal has admitted, in print, in a widely-read magazine, that he spent some of Farrah Fawcett's funeral attempting to hook up with his own daughter. Genius.
Back when swine flu was just a hilarious threat instead of a nightmarish reality, we offered you a bunch of swine flu games where you played the flu itself. But no more. Now we have Pandemic: American Swine where you play the government, doing its best to keep the public safe and calm whatever the cost. Pandemic: American Swine is actually hugely difficult - you don’t have the money for vaccines, and closing hospitals and enforcing military help only panics the population. Difficult. And CHILLING! Play Pandemic: American Swine now 
If you're a Twilight fan, you've got an important choice - do you prefer Bryce Dallas Howard or Rachelle Lefevre? OK, it's not that important. As far as things that Twilight fans worry about go, who plays Victoria is hardly up there with their chronic incontinence or habit of rocking backwards and forwards while listening to Paramore and sobbing because Robert Pattinson doesn't even know they exist. However, some Twilight stars have spoken out about Rachelle Lefevre's sacking. And by 'spoken out' we mean 'diplomatically tiptoed around it because they'll also get the boot if they say the wrong thing'. Obviously.
The Pussycat Dolls are NOT splitting up. No. Definitely not. If there's one rule in pop music that is set in stone, it's that news that bands are breaking up are immediately preceded by a denial that they are breaking up. So when a representative for Pussycat Dolls announced that, contrary to rumours, the band are NOT breaking up, they just substantially added to those very same rumours. Pussycat Dolls famously made a career out of a single (Don't Cha) whose subtext was 'we'll do that thing in the bedroom that made your girlfriend scream "eww, no" when you suggested it that night after you came back from the pub'. The Dolls' founder Robin Antin explained that if they were going to split up, the news would come from him.
It’s at this point in this story where we would make some sort of tasteless joke about Lee Ryan. You know, we may bring up that ridiculous quote of his around about elephants and 9/11. Or we could mock his inability to warm up some fish fingers when he was on I’m A Famous Person On The TV, Come Look At Me Cook! But we won’t do that. You see the world of popular music nearly lost its number one bruv and all round crap speller Lee Ryan. So distraught are we by the news that he was nearly mowed down by a car, that we’ve ordered a wreath of flowers spelling out 'biggest bellend in pop' anyway. Forgive us as we go to Runcorn’s community hall to lay them. The Staples Centre in LA is annoyingly being used.
It's almost impossible to genuinely surprise and shock people in movie theatres these days. We've already seen it all. We suspect every member of the cast of being the murderer. We've developed strong stomachs after seeing just about every imaginable way an unstoppable maniac with a huge knife can kill horny teenagers. Even most of the sexual taboos have become mainstream and boring by today's standards. Anyway, we may feel pretty unshockable now, but here at hecklerspray we wanted to pay homage to the groundbreaking, WTF moments that really had us staring blankly at the screen in disbelief. These clips are comprised of dastardly plot twists, sickening scenes of deaths or mutilation and, well, moments that really had us questioning the director's sanity. Enjoy. Just beware there are serious spoilers in here.
When we die, the only thing we’d like to happen to our corpse is to have it stuffed. That way, we could become a handy coathanger or a funky-looking light if an electrical cable was inserted up our arse. When Michael Jackson was finally buried, it was a surprise that his corpse didn’t emerge from his coffin and slag off his own memorial service. Did he have to see his own children paraded around like monkeys? Probably not, and what about Magic Johnson singlehandedly pimping for KFC? At least in Krindjabo, where Michael was just crowned a prince of the Agni people he got a much more respectable funeral.
Funny People is the top movie at the weekend box office this week, and it’s not difficult to see why. No, not because of Adam Sandler. Or Seth Rogen. Or Judd Apatow. No, Funny People is number one at the weekend box office because there’s nothing that people love more than ridiculously long films that don’t really seem to go anywhere and aren’t quite as funny as anyone expected. But still, Funny People’s US weekend box office success proves that you don’t need flashy CGI characters to be popular - just Adam Sandler being slightly less unbearable than he usually is.
