Gossip for grown-ups
Folded for the best, Creased for the worst. It’s always been that way. Folded: InFamous on PS3 (electrifying) The Hangover (funniest guy movie in years) Creamy smoothies (taste nice and no heartburn. Pretend you’re in L.A. and buy one for your rat dog) Kasabian’s video for Fire (looks like a modern day western set in the seventies. Cool song too) Cassetteboy vs The Bloody Apprentice ('My car can go 100mph an hour!') Creased: Channel 4 repeating Night at the Museum two weeks in a row (and they thought we wouldn't notice) The worst ...
This is Britain, can't you see? We love reality TV... Like animals we hoot and jeer, with gobs of marmite, chips and beer... Now think of everything at stake, You'd think there were complaints to make... of scandal-ridden politicians, ID cards and gas emissions... But oh we love our talent shows, the dancing freaks that Simon chose, we laugh but then we pick our brains, the circus-goer soon complains... Sod elections! Stuff the Queen! This talent show is really mean! We take offence! You made her cry... Now all of ITV must DIE!
When looking for someone to act as the once-prodigious, now-dead Jeff Buckley why not go for talent on the level of Robert Pattinson? After all, he is an actor lacking any discernable passion, he is attractive in a thoroughly mediocre way and he's generally a bit crap. It's a perfect fit for the lead role in the still-vaunted biopic of Jeff Buckley. Especially if Pattinson is into method acting and decides to do his own stunts. In the drowning scene. Too harsh?
Pop is a handy word, as it can be used to make other ones up! If you’re religious for example, the simple addition of an 'e' will transform the word in to Pope, aka God’s best chum on earth. Other words that pop can be extended in are popcorn, poppet and populace. In the musical sense, the word pop is shortened from the word popular. Most music in the top forty is often referred to as pop. Even though we like Jamaican funk rock, a lot of people don’t appreciate it as popular. Micachu describes her music as pop despite the music not having a cheesy gloss sprayed over it compared to music classed as 'pop'.
So, Susan Boyle. Is it television's fault that she ended up in a clinic? The public's fault? The media's? It doesn't matter. The fact is that Susan Boyle - a woman with a particularly evident mental fragility - found the stress of being famous too much to take, and we're all complicit. We need to remember that under all the showbiz glitz are real people with real emotions that need to be respec... WHAT'S THAT? Susan Boyle's out of treatment? BRILLIANT! You sort out her album and punishing promotional schedule and we'll score the heartbreaking front-page tell-all interview! WE'RE ALL RICH AGAIN!
Hey kids, remember Whitney Houston? Of course you do. Bobby Brown. Gigantic crack addiction. Come on, you remember. Oh, don't be like that. You know who Whitney Houston is. Come on. Bobby Brown. Domestic abuse. You remember. Whitney Houston. Hallucinating imaginary demons. Gruesome reliance on sex aids. No teeth. No? Oh, come on. It's Whitney Houston! Looks like Otzi The Iceman. Makes people pull constipated turds out of her arse with their bare fingers. Oh, so now you know who Whitney Houston is. Anyway, Whitney Houston is apparently a singer too, and she's got a new album out soon. Weird.
Bunny Charm throws its premise out there like it’s the most natural thing thing in the world - you’re a gunslinging rabbit who has to run around town shooting a load of disembodied finger-zombies. Not that any of it matters, of course, because once you’ve dismissed all the rabbity finger nonsense you’re left with quite a diverting little time-waster. Oh, and some of the fingers in Bunny Charm are wearing hats. No idea. Play Bunny Charm now 
There was no doubting David Carradine's pedigree. He was an iconic actor. He had an iconic personality. People loved him. So, following his death yesterday, which of these things will David Carradine most likely be remembered for? Sadly, it looks like it won't be any of them. Not the way he almost single-handedly brought kung-fu to a western audience. Not his electrifying presence on stage and screen. Not his phenomenal charisma. No, it looks as if David Carradine will be remembered for the being the old man who tied a shoelace around his willy and wanked himself to death. Bummer.
