Gossip for grown-ups
You know what we like more than online colour-matching games? Online colour matching games that appear to slightly rip off the Indiana Jones series of films. And that's what Temple Of Jewels is. Players of Temple Of Jewels will already know the controls - you click on two gems to switch them round and create rows of identical fruit - but Temple Of Jewels is like a masterclass in those kind of games. For one, getting galactically-proportioned combos is surprisingly simple and - if that isn't enough - Temple Of Jewels features ...
Apparently, right, if you take off a cockroach's little head, it'll carry on living until it eventually starves to death. And if you take off Jim Davidson's head, it'll just carry on being an obnoxious babbling tosser until the end of time itself. Such reflections are usually the province of hecklerspray's Disturbing Friday Fun - a weekly 'feature' (you know, just like those ones in The Economist or Newsweek) in which we provide you with a link to a baffling, unsettling or just downright odd sector of the internet. Seeing as we've already established a things-without-heads-continuing-to-live theme, we thought we'd introduce you to Mike The Headless Chicken.
Good old Big Brother. After last week's rubbish majorette task, which took a fractured house and massaged it better, this week the Big Brother housemates have been writing about why they don't like each other. That's brilliant, and it's already caused a bit of a fracas between Lea and Aisleyne, but that isn't the biggest news about Big Brother today. Later on tonight, either Susie or Aisleyne will be moved into a special house next door to the regular Big Brother house that's super, ultra, mega top secret to all the current Big Brother housemates. All the Big Brother housemates that didn't hear a noisy carpenter shrieking all about it, anyway. But who's going into the house next door to the Big Brother house? We don't know, but the Big Brother betting odds sure do. So here are the Big Brother betting odds for tonight's big move for Susie and Aisleyne, with betting odds from PaddyPower.com...
The whole Casino Royale furore from earlier in the year seems to have died down a bit, either because the public have got used to the idea of Daniel Craig as James Bond or because the worst critics were buttered up with a free trip to the Bahamas. Either way, all the manic slagging off of Daniel Craig, James Bond, Casino Royale or anyone looking vaguely suave in a bow-tie has cooled a bit in recent months. And Casino Royale producers appear to have guessed that they need to do all they can to keep excitement levels down - they've reportedly hired snoozy old Goldfrapp to perform the Casino Royale theme-tune.
This week, MySpace Trawl offers something totally different to our previous discoveries. We’ve gone off the electronica-edged artists and this week's offer is some good old Scottish folk music. King Creosote be his name, and Fife is where his lovely music is made. We can imagine what you’re thinking. Folk music! Boo! That’s not very hip or cool. Folk music is what 50-year-old men listen to whilst they sit round campfires late at night and sing about saving the earth from its immediate threat. Hopefully by the end of this, you’ll come to realise it’s not like that at all. Kenny Anderson, aka King Creosote is someone who’s not at all new to the music world. For over a decade now he’s been making music in various ways, be it on his own, as part of bands, or overseeing it. Mr Creosote set up and runs the Fence record label, housing some of the finest names in folk music.
For some unknown reason, there's a movie remake of Dallas on the way. If that wasn't bad enough, it's being directed by the woman who put Bend It Like Beckham together. There's not a lot of positives we can take from this. Except one - according to reports, Jessica Simpson was in the running to play Lucy Ewing. We don't need to explain to you how awful that would be - from having to stare at Jessica Simpson's giant manjaw projected onto a huge screen to listening to the awful mewling cash-in single that she'd try to punt around, Jessica Simpson would have been the worst thing about the Dallas movie. And since John Travolta's probably going to be in it, that's really going some. But, with a song in our heart, we can reveal that Jessica Simpson won't be starring in the Dallas film after all.
That's it, we quit. From here on out, you'll all have to find your own entertainment news. It's been through grit teeth and buckets of tears that we've been able to carry on even this long. Think about it - who sifted through the Michael Jackson kiddie trial to bring you the juiciest tidbits? hecklerspray. Who brought you the intricate details when Paris Hilton pissed in a taxi, or when Scott Stapp and Kid Rock had their own sex tape? hecklerspray - that's who. And with little to no regard to our mental state, we've fully immersed ourselves in the goriest details, too. And now the chiefest of our faculties have been pushed clean out our gourd, because Britney Spears is posing nude for a magazine cover. hecklerspray can't take anymore. As we lie here beneath our desks shaking violently in the foetal, will someone please send for our mother? And tell her to hurry - 'cause this is probably the big 'un.
For most of the stars of Lost, their time spent in Hawaii has been an upsetting rollercoaster of being arrested for driving while blasted on booze, being held up at gunpoint in bed and having to listen to that guy scream "WALT!" every 108 minutes. But one Lost star has bucked the trend for misery. Emilie de Ravin - the Australian woman from Lost with the devil baby and the unexplainable attraction to that weird Oasis hobbit - got married in Melbourne ten days ago. It's thought that none of Emilie's Lost castmates attended the wedding, which was conducted by that freaky black smoke monster with all the faces in it.
