Gossip for grown-ups
There's something that snaps in a woman's mind the second that they push a baby out of their body. Instantly, all their opinions become way more important as yours, because they can prefix them with "as a mother..." Angelina Jolie is a mother now - a proper mother, not one of those screwy adoptive mothers - so she's now legally allowed to spout off about the first crap that comes into her mind like she's a world expert on it. Currently buzzing through Angelina Jolie's mind like an angry fly are thoughts about how good adopting kids is and how bad war is. Oh, and some Namibians have called Angelina Jolie a 'colonial overlord', too.
Here's a game that impossible to dislike and even impossibler to catagorise. It's Shoot N Roll! Huzzah for Shoot N Roll! Have you guessed that we're stalling on describing Shoot N Roll to you? OK, we'll try. The official line is that: You'll have to run, climb ladders, use lifts, hide, and of course unleash some serious firepower as you explore all five game locations. Shoot N Roll is the ultimate cure for boredom! But Shoot N Roll is so much more than that. Shoot N Roll is one of those 'run ...
It's Ween week here at hecklerspray. To celebrate the best band in the underground's majestic legacy, we're doling out a must-download list for all of you non-believers to marinate in. This was a very hard list to create, not because Ween doesn't have that many good songs - no no no. The problem here is they've got a million different sounds. The Ween sound is so varied that hecklerspray used to only describe them as "talented Mexican pirates on helium singing about ponies and heartfelt children afraid to die". But you know, that still doesn't do them justice. Anyway, as every week hecklerspray's just hoping to introduce you, our favourite reader, to music you may not otherwise have heard. Favourite reader, this is Ween, Ween, this is favourite reader. We've got a feeling about you two.
So, the Big Brother story so far... Nikki, Glyn, Imogen, Lisa and Lea all discussed nominations and were punished by nomination one of their group for Big Brother eviction on Friday. And they chose Nikki. How do you think she handled it? In a sensible, mature, grown-up way after realising that Big Brother was a game and she was being punished for breaking one of the fundamental rules? Of course not - Nikki reacted to the Big Brother nomination by crying, screaming, crying some more and threatening to quit Big Brother, obviously. Nikki's Big Brother housemates have talked her down from the ledge for now, but Friday's a long way off, especially when you have a brain about three atoms big. In case you were wondering, Nikki's up for eviction against Imogen, Mikey and Lisa. Big Brother eviction betting odds, but today let's wrap up the Big Brother betting odds to win, for Nikki, Glyn and Pete, with betting odds from PaddyPower.com...
Good old Johnny Depp - he's spent all of his life studiously avoiding any kind of cash-cow commercial blockbuster movie, instead preferring to explore the nooks of less mainstream fare to tremendous effect. Until now, that is. This Summer, you'll be able to see Johnny Depp chew more scenery than you thought could be humanly capable in Pirates Of The Caribbean 2: Dead Man's Chest, potentially one of this year's biggest box-office draws. And now that he's realised just how rich he can get from doing a Keith Richards impression, Johnny Depp wants to keep churning out Pirates Of The Caribbean films until the end of time.
Anyone miss Justin Timberlake when he wasn't around? Anyone? No? Well, prepare to be underwhelmed - Justin Timberlake is back! And this time he'll be ripping off the Black Eyed Peas and not Michael Jackson! Needless to say, we've yet to hear the squeaky-voice, pube-haired former boyband muppet's comeback song, but if the track titles are anything to go by, it'll be insanely innovative. Justin Timberlake, you see, has just discovered the joy of compounding words. So that's why the new Justin Timberlake album is to be called FutureSex/LoveSounds, with the new single being the preposterously titled SexyBack.
Funny buggers, original thoughts. As soon as you have one, no matter what it is, someone's already maximised on something similar, leaving you seething because they brain-stole your idea and got rich from it. That's the precise reason we can't watch Short Circuit - a man telling a Jew joke to a funny robot on a hill at dusk was our idea, dammit, our idea - and that's the reason that Stephanie Vergniault won't be watching Syriana anytime soon. A Paris court yesterday decided that Syriana was not a rip-off of one of her screenplays, after she claimed it was. But, c'mon, we've all wanted to see George Clooney put on loads of weight and get beaten up at one point or another, right?
PETA is a dastardly lot - and when we say dastardly, we mean mostly not retarded. What we should all do is ship them to the Mid-East. Their brain power, ingenuity and resourcefulness would be enough to wrap up that whole war mess inside of a week. So thinks we, anyhow. PETA somehow has the ability to make themselves seen or heard by about anybody they choose. What if, for instance, they wanted an audience with, say, Beyonce Knowles? What if the former member of Destiny's Child decided to auction off a dinner date for VH1's Save the Music Foundation - surely PETA'd not be brazen enough to make sure they had the winning bid no matter what! Oh wait, yes they would. They definitely would.
