Gossip for grown-ups
Kristen Davis - the woman from Sex And The City who isn't the horse-faced one, the slag or the ginger lesbian - is now officially the most beautiful woman in the world. And of course it must be true, since Kristen Davis came top of a beautiful woman survey conducted by Eve magazine, which makes sense - since it looks like the sort of dreadful magazine that intersperses 30-page features on lovely haircuts with features apparently written by a computer randomly programmed with a vocabulary of 50 empty words like "chic" and "fashionista" and "hot" and "must-have" that's read by idiots who think that watching a show like Sex And The City makes them classy and sophisticated instead of the Jeremy Kyle-watching Superdrug checkout girls that they really are.
Of all the people looking forward to the release of Pirates Of The Caribbean 2, we'd expect that Keira Knightley is close to the top of the list, since it gives her a chance to pout about at premieres like the world's sexiest lollipop. You see, with every passing film, Keira Knightley seems to get a little bit skinnier. Keira knows how skinny she is - and she's decided to speak out about her wasting frame. And by 'speak out' we mean 'dress up in three square inches of gold lame and stare vacantly into a camera while telling everyone that she doesn't really mind being skinny.'
We knew something's been wrong the past ten months or so. The sun's been rising different, and lilacs have been blooming with no fear of getting shot by anyone in Lil' Kim's posse. Not that the pint-sized rapper's ever shot a lilac, mind you - but lilacs have been historically proven to be an overly cautious flower. We've narrowed it down - we now know what's been wrong. Lil' Kim's been in the brig. She was locked up for "breaking" some sort of "law" as constituted by the "man" - "the" man who's "trying" to "bring" "her" and "her" "lyrical" "prowess" "down". ™. She's out now, though - Lil' Kim's been legally sprung. We're told her first action upon reaching home was scrubbing off a tattooed-on price tag that read "asking price: three cigarettes" with steel wool and bleach in a windex bottle. Hey - it's just what we heard.
Bobby Brown is famous for roughly three things - being in New Edition, singing the theme-tune to Ghostbusters II and pulling dried up turds out of Whitney Houston's arse with his bare fingers. Now, the Ghostbusters excitement has dried up, and - despite all the critical acclaim - the whole Whitney Houston poo-tugging thing just won't pay the mortgage. So the only thing left for Bobby Brown was to reform New Edition. Which would have been good, had Bobby Brown not spectacularly ballsed up the big New Edition comeback so much that an audience was screaming for him to leave the stage after a few songs.
It's not often that you can say that a downloadable game features graphics that are so gorgeous you want to hand them on your wall and a fully original score, but then games like Steam Brigade don't come round too often. We don't want to spoil the lavish treats contained inside Steam Brigade, but we will tell you that Steam Brigade is a side-scrolling strategy game set in a world where wars are fought with airships and steam-powered tanks. That's partly the reason why we love Steam Brigade - the other reason is ...
Gawd bless Ladyfuzz. When it comes to spiky indie bands fronted by female Austrians, Ladyfuzz are up there with the best of them. And Oh Marie by Ladyfuzz is just one of their many highlights. Of course, we were on the case of Oh Marie by Ladyfuzz way back in December when Ladyfuzz did a Q&A with us, and a self-consciously pithy question about who Marie was prompted a 450-word spiel about the nature of gender equalities in French homicide law. For Oh Marie is about Marie Trintignant, the French actress who ...
Guster just had their new album come out. It's called Ganging Up On The Sun, and it's their absolute best ever. We bought it yesterday, and haven't eaten or dranken since - as we simply can't tear ourselves away, and our sister stole both our headphones and the dictionary we were counting on for the past tense of 'drink'. Ganging Up On The Sun. Go buy it. Buy Ganging Up On The Sun by Guster from Amazon 
That House Next Door thing didn't last very long, did it? After a couple of days, Jayne is already in the main Big Brother house, annoying everyone with her sub-Kinga 'look at me' tactics. Over the rest of the week, we'd imagine that everyone else in the House Next Door will be shunted across to join the ranks of official Big Brother housemates - including Aisleyne, who now seems to think she's the most popular human being since the beginning of the universe. Great - just as the number of Big Brother housemates was getting down to a bearable number, we're treated to five more numbnuts charging around trying to show everyone how talented and funny they are. Fantastic. But anyway, who'll win Big Brother? Here's the second part of our Big Brother betting odds to win - for Jennie, Jonathan, Aisleyne, Michael and Mikey, with betting odds from PaddyPower.com...
