Gossip for grown-ups
We've got a whole bunch of tracks here today, tracks that aliens apparently slipped onto our iPod as they probed us here and there. One would think that kind of association would make us enjoy them less, but such is not so. It does, however, always trick us into thinking we have a real bad itch in unspeakable places. This week featuring tracks from Eels, Al Green, Sigur Ros, Guster, Mr. Loco and Foo Fighters...
Fans of rampant paranoia, relentlessly patronising conversations and neverending strings of teary breakdowns have every reason to celebrate - Lea and Richard are up for Big Brother eviction this Friday. Who'll leave the Big Brother house is something we'll discuss tomorrow - but that's probably not even the most exciting thing that'll happen on Friday's Big Brother. We're still due some more of the housemates next door trickling through into the main Big Brother house - Michael and Jennie went in last night - and rumours abound that the housemates are going to spend the weekend randomly chained in pairs. And that's bound to be lots of fun, especially if Nikki manages to get her dreadful big mouth chained shut. For now, though, let's look at the final part of our Big Brother betting odds to win, for Spiral, Glyn, Nikki and Pete, with betting odds provided by PaddyPower.com...
Not so long ago, we idly claimed that Jessica Simpson wanted to be Angelina Jolie more than anything else in the world. We were half-joking, but now it's starting to look like we were really onto something. Because, about a day after it was revealed that Angelina Jolie had sent the Secret Service to snatch back a stolen memory card containing photos of her and Brad Pitt in Namibia, a photographer is claiming that he was attacked by Jessica Simpson's bodyguards who stole his memory card because it contained pictures of Jessica Simpson. Whatever will Jessica do to ape Angelina Jolie next? Let's hope it involves watching Tomb Raider: The Cradle Of Life and copying the bit where Angelina goes into a shark pool and cuts her arm open.
Kristen Davis - the woman from Sex And The City who isn't the horse-faced one, the slag or the ginger lesbian - is now officially the most beautiful woman in the world. And of course it must be true, since Kristen Davis came top of a beautiful woman survey conducted by Eve magazine, which makes sense - since it looks like the sort of dreadful magazine that intersperses 30-page features on lovely haircuts with features apparently written by a computer randomly programmed with a vocabulary of 50 empty words like "chic" and "fashionista" and "hot" and "must-have" that's read by idiots who think that watching a show like Sex And The City makes them classy and sophisticated instead of the Jeremy Kyle-watching Superdrug checkout girls that they really are.
Of all the people looking forward to the release of Pirates Of The Caribbean 2, we'd expect that Keira Knightley is close to the top of the list, since it gives her a chance to pout about at premieres like the world's sexiest lollipop. You see, with every passing film, Keira Knightley seems to get a little bit skinnier. Keira knows how skinny she is - and she's decided to speak out about her wasting frame. And by 'speak out' we mean 'dress up in three square inches of gold lame and stare vacantly into a camera while telling everyone that she doesn't really mind being skinny.'
We knew something's been wrong the past ten months or so. The sun's been rising different, and lilacs have been blooming with no fear of getting shot by anyone in Lil' Kim's posse. Not that the pint-sized rapper's ever shot a lilac, mind you - but lilacs have been historically proven to be an overly cautious flower. We've narrowed it down - we now know what's been wrong. Lil' Kim's been in the brig. She was locked up for "breaking" some sort of "law" as constituted by the "man" - "the" man who's "trying" to "bring" "her" and "her" "lyrical" "prowess" "down". ™. She's out now, though - Lil' Kim's been legally sprung. We're told her first action upon reaching home was scrubbing off a tattooed-on price tag that read "asking price: three cigarettes" with steel wool and bleach in a windex bottle. Hey - it's just what we heard.
Bobby Brown is famous for roughly three things - being in New Edition, singing the theme-tune to Ghostbusters II and pulling dried up turds out of Whitney Houston's arse with his bare fingers. Now, the Ghostbusters excitement has dried up, and - despite all the critical acclaim - the whole Whitney Houston poo-tugging thing just won't pay the mortgage. So the only thing left for Bobby Brown was to reform New Edition. Which would have been good, had Bobby Brown not spectacularly ballsed up the big New Edition comeback so much that an audience was screaming for him to leave the stage after a few songs.
It's not often that you can say that a downloadable game features graphics that are so gorgeous you want to hand them on your wall and a fully original score, but then games like Steam Brigade don't come round too often. We don't want to spoil the lavish treats contained inside Steam Brigade, but we will tell you that Steam Brigade is a side-scrolling strategy game set in a world where wars are fought with airships and steam-powered tanks. That's partly the reason why we love Steam Brigade - the other reason is ...
