Creased or Folded? hecklerspray Tells You the Way it is

by Chris Laverty

Lotta music this week.

Folded:

* Zodiac (but you’ve gotta really love David Fincher)

* Sophie Ellis-Bextor in her Me and My Imagination video (the beguiling alien waif looks fit, but she can’t dance with those giant oversized limbs of hers to save her life. Cheer-you-up comical)

* Commodore gaming PCs (just because most of the cool kids had one back in the day)

* Tiga (infectious retro beats actually worth turning your stereo up for. They don’t go shit)

* A History of Violence on DVD (another old one we’ve caught up on. If you love David Cronenberg you will adore this. If you don’t love Cronenberg get yourself a copy of Scanners sharpish)

Creased:

* “Yes, Sir Alan” (we know he is ‘Sir Alan’ and that The Apprentice contestants are probably advised to address him in this way, but it doesn’t diminish the cringe factor every time they do so)

* Mark Ronson (the still-buzzing hysteria over this pleb is bewildering)

* That new Booty Luv song everyone keeps banging on about (just sounds like a less soulful version of Stonebridge’s Freak On. Really don’t know what all the jizzing is about)

* Ruth Badger (by [un]popular demand. Makes lesbianism look about as enticing as actual badger sex)

* Camping (just when it seems like a good idea it pours with rain and you want to fuck off to a hotel)

Lotta music this week. Folded: * Zodiac (but you’ve gotta really love David Fincher) * Sophie Ellis-Bextor in her Me and My Imagination video (the beguiling alien waif looks fit, but she can’t dance with those giant oversized limbs of hers to save her life. Cheer-you-up comical) * Commodore gaming PCs (just because most of the cool kids had one back in the day) * Tiga (infectious retro beats actually worth turning your stereo up for. They don’t go shit) * A History of Violence on DVD (another old one we’ve caught up on. If you love David Cronenberg you will adore this. If you don’t love Cronenberg get yourself a copy of Scanners sharpish) Creased: * “Yes, Sir Alan” (we know he is ‘Sir Alan’ and that The Apprentice contestants are probably advised to address him in this way, but it doesn’t diminish the cringe factor every time they do so) * Mark Ronson (the still-buzzing hysteria over this pleb is bewildering) * That new Booty Luv song everyone keeps banging on about (just sounds like a less soulful version of Stonebridge’s Freak On. Really don’t know what all the jizzing is about) * Ruth Badger (by [un]popular demand. Makes lesbianism look about as enticing as actual badger sex) * Camping (just when it seems like a good idea it pours with rain and you want to fuck off to a hotel)
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CD Review: Sketches For Albinos, …That City Is A Liar

by Matthew Laidlow

Often, when people come across a band – or in this case a multi-instrumentalist – who they’ve never heard of before, they tend to ignore what is written about them. But why is this? Hecklerspray can only assume it’s down to people not having the bottle to explore something potentially fresh and exciting. Instead they’d rather be fed the same recycled and same sounding crap again and again.

Prime examples include the cover of the NME every week. Once a flagship for exposing music, now all it contains is dire indie filth. How many times can they put Pete Doherty on the cover? Not enough evidently. Sketches For Albinos is an artist we already have a great amount of time for. After filtering out the rubbish in our MySpace feature, we were fortunate enough to discover this particular artist. Once we dug a little further into Matthew Collings aka Sketches For Albinos’ discography, we discovered a great wealth of music that was waiting to be heard. Released on the Ropeadope label, this digital-only release has been ringing in our ears for a good few weeks now. Instead of listening to the album once and drawing our opinions from it, we found that each time we skipped back and forth through the nine-track record entitled …That City Is A Liar, we’d find something else that our ears previously hadn’t picked up. Many layers of beautifully woven melodies come creeping in and out at various points of the record, always making you want to listen that little bit closer to see if any more nuggets of joy can be found.

Often, when people come across a band - or in this case a multi-instrumentalist - who they’ve never heard of before, they tend to ignore what is written about them. But why is this? Hecklerspray can only assume it’s down to people not having the bottle to explore something potentially fresh and exciting. Instead they’d rather be fed the same recycled and same sounding crap again and again. Prime examples include the cover of the NME every week. Once a flagship for exposing music, now all it contains is dire indie filth. How many times can they put Pete Doherty on the cover? Not enough evidently. Sketches For Albinos is an artist we already have a great amount of time for. After filtering out the rubbish in our MySpace feature, we were fortunate enough to discover this particular artist. Once we dug a little further into Matthew Collings aka Sketches For Albinos' discography, we discovered a great wealth of music that was waiting to be heard. Released on the Ropeadope label, this digital-only release has been ringing in our ears for a good few weeks now. Instead of listening to the album once and drawing our opinions from it, we found that each time we skipped back and forth through the nine-track record entitled …That City Is A Liar, we'd find something else that our ears previously hadn’t picked up. Many layers of beautifully woven melodies come creeping in and out at various points of the record, always making you want to listen that little bit closer to see if any more nuggets of joy can be found.
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Isaiah Washington: Don’t Be A Nob To The Gays Like I Was

by Stuart Heritage

We’ve all been there – those awkward situations where you’ve blurted out an offensive remark, then had a fight about it, then almost got the sack, then bewilderingly gone to rehab because everyone thinks you’re a tit.

When we said ‘all’ we pretty much just meant Isaiah Washington from Grey’s Anatomy, who learnt the hard way that you can’t go round screaming the word ‘faggot’ at gay people when you work on a vaguely whimsical television drama about hospitals. Isaiah Washington’s road to recovery has been long and hard, and now it’s time for Isaiah Washington to display what lessons he’s gained in a series of television commercials that will preach tolerance to the masses. The first one, entitled ‘A Man Who Hates Gay People Patronises You So He Can Keep His Job’ was premiered last night.

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MySpace Trawl – Melly

by Matthew Laidlow

As semi-regular as clockwork comes our feature – which has properly been copied by other websites/ magazines – that attempts to pinpoint music that basically kicks arse in its own unique way. We aim to push some of the shit music in your brain out of your head and allow the good stuff in.

While we can’t perform miracles, like Christ, and make you totally musically hip, we’ll try our best. Today we focus on a genre of music that we have never reviewed. No, it’s not one of our more bizarre genres that could possibly involve an octopus, a phone book and a violin. Instead, it’s something you’ve all properly heard an annoying neighbour play very loud at 3am, the day before you take that important exam. Everyone secretly loves Drum & Bass, they just need prodding in the right direction. So we’ll proud you in the direction of Melly.

As semi-regular as clockwork comes our feature - which has properly been copied by other websites/ magazines - that attempts to pinpoint music that basically kicks arse in its own unique way. We aim to push some of the shit music in your brain out of your head and allow the good stuff in. While we can’t perform miracles, like Christ, and make you totally musically hip, we’ll try our best. Today we focus on a genre of music that we have never reviewed. No, it's not one of our more bizarre genres that could possibly involve an octopus, a phone book and a violin. Instead, it’s something you’ve all properly heard an annoying neighbour play very loud at 3am, the day before you take that important exam. Everyone secretly loves Drum & Bass, they just need prodding in the right direction. So we’ll proud you in the direction of Melly.
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Courtney Love Narked Off About Kurt Cobain Shoe Ads

by Stuart Heritage

Courtney Love has spent over a decade trying to gradually edge out of Kurt Cobain’s shadow, but that was hardly likely to happen when all the while Kurt Cobain was prancing about on a cloud in heaven in a pair of lovely Doc Martens, was it?

A set of adverts featuring an image of Kurt Cobain looking a bit glum in heaven wearing Doc Martens has enraged his widow Courtney Love, who is understandably upset that there are pictures around of her husband flogging overrated goth shoes. But, after a monumental PR snafu, Doc Martens has backed down and withdrawn all the adverts from circulation. It wasn’t so much that nobody asked for her approval, Courtney Love says, more that the picture in the advert is inaccurate – after all, if Kurt Cobain did go to heaven his face would be blown apart with a shotgun wound, not all intact like the advert says it would be.

Courtney Love has spent over a decade trying to gradually edge out of Kurt Cobain's shadow, but that was hardly likely to happen when all the while Kurt Cobain was prancing about on a cloud in heaven in a pair of lovely Doc Martens, was it? A set of adverts featuring an image of Kurt Cobain looking a bit glum in heaven wearing Doc Martens has enraged his widow Courtney Love, who is understandably upset that there are pictures around of her husband flogging overrated goth shoes. But, after a monumental PR snafu, Doc Martens has backed down and withdrawn all the adverts from circulation. It wasn't so much that nobody asked for her approval, Courtney Love says, more that the picture in the advert is inaccurate - after all, if Kurt Cobain did go to heaven his face would be blown apart with a shotgun wound, not all intact like the advert says it would be.
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Mary Kate Professionally Divorces Ashley (Kind Of)

by Shawn Lindseth

Thus far hecklerspray has legally emancipated itself from three different sets of parents. We had to though – the first ones always touched our elbows when they'd talk to us. Another set made us take all our meals at a separate, lower table, and the last pair acted happy when we gave them the macaroni [...]

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Rosie O’Donnell Vs Hasselbeck: Donald Trump Finally Wades In

by Stuart Heritage

There was always going to be one inevitable diversion to the recent bust-up between Rosie O’Donnell and Elisabeth Hasselbeck on The View – Donald Trump rolling up his sleeves and windmilling into the fray screaming insults as loudly as possible.

So thank heavens that it has finally happened. After a tense day of wondering just when exactly Donald Trump was going to offer his belligerent, finger-jabbing response to the split-screen screechfest between Rosie O’Donnell and Elisabeth Hasselbeck on The View this week, Donald Trump came to the rescue late yesterday, unexpectedly deciding to back Rosie O’Donnell in the fight and making the observation that Elisabeth Hasselbeck is “one of the dumber people in television.” We’re torn – while it’s heartwarming that Donald Trump is capable of extending an olive branch of sorts to Rosie O’Donnell, he’s basically just let an opportunity to string together an hour-long tirade of fat lesbian jibes slip through his fingers, and we’re not sure we can ever really forgive him for such a schoolboy error.

There was always going to be one inevitable diversion to the recent bust-up between Rosie O'Donnell and Elisabeth Hasselbeck on The View - Donald Trump rolling up his sleeves and windmilling into the fray screaming insults as loudly as possible. So thank heavens that it has finally happened. After a tense day of wondering just when exactly Donald Trump was going to offer his belligerent, finger-jabbing response to the split-screen screechfest between Rosie O'Donnell and Elisabeth Hasselbeck on The View this week, Donald Trump came to the rescue late yesterday, unexpectedly deciding to back Rosie O'Donnell in the fight and making the observation that Elisabeth Hasselbeck is "one of the dumber people in television." We're torn - while it's heartwarming that Donald Trump is capable of extending an olive branch of sorts to Rosie O'Donnell, he's basically just let an opportunity to string together an hour-long tirade of fat lesbian jibes slip through his fingers, and we're not sure we can ever really forgive him for such a schoolboy error.
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SLACKERJACK – Hoshi Saga

by Stuart Heritage

It’s becoming ridiculously apparent to us, thanks to Katamari Damacy, Cornelius, Polysics and Locoroco, that Japan is the greatest place on Earth – we love it dearly, and its little tiny fire engines.

And just to reinforce that point is Hoshi Saga. Hoshi Saga is one of the best games in the history of games, and that’s all thanks to how to play it. Made of several microscopic mini-games, all Hoshi Saga asks you to do is find a star on each level. And that’s it – but the endlessly inventive ways that you’re asked to find them will be an honest to good source of joy for you. We’re not going to spoil any of Hoshi Saga’s secrets for you – except one. If Level 11 doesn’t send you actually insane, you’re way better at Hoshi Saga that we’ll ever be.

Play Hoshi Saga now

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Watch The Ripps Holiday Video

by Stuart Heritage

Since Monday is a bank holiday – and thus without hecklerspray, here’s a video by The Ripps for a song called Holiday. Because Monday is a holiday and the song is called Holiday. Clever huh? Anyone?

Anyway, Holiday is the new single from Long Live The Ripps, the gloriously trashy debut album by Coventry/Chile scoundrels The Ripps. Holiday isn’t really the best song that The Ripps are ever going to release – it’s a painfully dated Britpop song about drinking a cheeky pint in Wetherspoons – but it is called Holiday, and Monday is a bank holiday, so we’re sticking up here because we’re too lazy to think of anything wittier than posting a song called Holiday on a holiday. Just count yourselves lucky that bank holidays aren’t called Razorlight days, or else we’d all be in trouble.

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Keira Knightley Wins Cash From People Who Think She’s Skinny

by Stuart Heritage

That Keira Knightley, eh? What a fat cow. OK, so Keira Knightley isn’t a fat cow really – it’s just that we’re scared of mentioning that Keira’s a little on the skinny side in case she sues us for £3,000 and wins, just like what happened yesterday.

Back in January the Daily Mail wrote an article saying that Keira Knightley was basically a murderer because she’s so skinny that young girls starve themselves to death in order to try and look like her, or something, so Keira did the only thing available to her – using her slight frame to disguise herself as a single strand of cat hair, Keira Knightley attached herself to the journalist’s sweater and bit them on the tit really hard. No, that’s not right. Keira Knightley sued the Daily Mail and won instead, scoring a cool £3,000 – or, as Keira prefers to call it, 751 Wicked Zinger Meals from KFC. The lardy bitch.

That Keira Knightley, eh? What a fat cow. OK, so Keira Knightley isn't a fat cow really - it's just that we're scared of mentioning that Keira's a little on the skinny side in case she sues us for £3,000 and wins, just like what happened yesterday. Back in January the Daily Mail wrote an article saying that Keira Knightley was basically a murderer because she's so skinny that young girls starve themselves to death in order to try and look like her, or something, so Keira did the only thing available to her - using her slight frame to disguise herself as a single strand of cat hair, Keira Knightley attached herself to the journalist's sweater and bit them on the tit really hard. No, that's not right. Keira Knightley sued the Daily Mail and won instead, scoring a cool £3,000 - or, as Keira prefers to call it, 751 Wicked Zinger Meals from KFC. The lardy bitch.
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