To us, Ozzy Osbourne is a funny old man. Despite not being able to string a sentence together properly, he is still idolised by millions across the world.

But Ozzy is more then just a rock clown married to a woman possibly on a par with Michael Jackson for the amount of plastic surgery she’s had. In fact, Ozzy Osbourne is a man who's just got himself involved with the law, even though he knew nothing about it and and now he's all annoyed at the police over it. This is a confusing one.

So Ozzy Osbourne has helped to catch 30 criminals. However, as much as it breaks our hearts to admit it, Ozzy didn’t actually get to don his best Sherlock Holmes gear and browse the streets looking for clues to crack the case that had been leaving the force scratching their heads for months. In fact it's bollocks to say that Ozzy actually did anything at all.  

What actually happened is the result of North Dakota sheriff Paul Laney, who invited 500 criminals over for a party where it was claimed that Ozzy would perform. This prompts two questions: Are the police over in the States too lazy to get a criminal's address, knock on their door and arrest them? Or are the American bad boys and girls really stupid enough to believe that Osbourne would welcome them with open arms so they could spend an entire night ant-snorting and dove-chewing together? 

Anyway, it appears that some people were actually dumb enough to believe Laney's set-up. Around 30 people turned up to his sting and were consequently arrested for stealing jars of mayonnaise or something. You might be wondering why the criminals thought Ozzy Osbourne would be appearing in a nightclub in Fargo, North Dakota. The simple reason being that the rock legend was due to play at a nearby arena around the same time. Using this information, the police set up a simple sting operation. 

Consequently, this move by the police force hasn’t actually pleased the Prince Of Darkness, who said: 

“Instead of holding a press conference to pat himself on the back, Sheriff Laney should be apologising to me for using my name in connection with these arrests. It is insulting to me and to my audience and it shows how lazy this particular sheriff is when it comes to doing his job." 

You get the insinuation here – that Sheriff Laney figures all Ozzy Osbourne fans are criminals while Ozzy Osbourne knows his fans, although all possessed with suspect personal hygiene, are law-abiding citizens of the highest order.

While these tactics may seem like lazy policing, it could help to influence our own trigger-happy police force to do the same. Heroin addicts could be duped into attending an intimate performance by Amy Winehouse, serial golddiggers could have a seminar with Heather Mills and illegal firearm owners could have a day in the forest brushing up on their aiming skills with Phil Spector.