Oscars: Jennifer Aniston Wants To Rub Angelina’s Nose In It

Since there’s no Rubbish Lowbrow Dog Movie category, you might think that Jennifer Aniston doesn’t care about the Oscars.

But you’d be completely wrong. Jennifer Aniston does care about the Oscars. She cares about the Oscars so much that she’s going to present an award at this year’s ceremony.

Why? Is it because Jennifer Aniston is a dedicated student of acting who wants to help recognise excellence in filmmaking? No, it’s because Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie will be there and Jennifer Aniston wants to swan about in a little dress in front of them, cackling like a witch. Obviously.

Oh for God’s sake. We knew it. We knew this was going to happen. Yesterday we revealed how Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie spoke of how in love they were on the SAG awards red carpet, and we knew it was going to end in tears. We knew it.

Because, you see, the nature of the universe dictates that whenever a headline is written about Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie, Jennifer Aniston has to swoop in and try to get two headlines written about her. It doesn’t matter what for – maybe she’ll get naked for a magazine, maybe she’ll mouth off about Angelina Jolie or maybe she’ll just wear a tight sweater to a restaurant – so long as it happens.

And that’s why it comes as no surprise today to hear that Jennifer Aniston has been lined up to present an award at next month’s Oscar ceremony. Because, if reports are to be believed, Jennifer Aniston doesn’t think that either Angelina Jolie or Brad Pitt will win their Oscars this year and if she gets to stand on stage in a little sidebooby dress with her hair brushed all good, then she’ll have totally shown them who’s boss. Actress Archives reports:

A source told Star, “She was a good girl and pulled back during the Golden Globes even though she had the hottest movie out.” The friend continued, “The movie will likely still be near the top of the box office. Jen will own the night. Brad and Angie might be nominated, but Los Angeles is Jen’s town.”

Our thoughts on the above quote:

1 - By “the hottest movie out” we assume that the source is talking about Marley & Me, a gloopy film about a puppy starring Jennifer Aniston that we’d completely forgotten about even though it only came out a month ago.

2 - “Jen will own the night,” part one. Let this be a lesson to all of you – if you ever want to own a night, spend that entire night squeezed into an impractical dress that restricts your breathing just so that you can briefly walk onto a stage, tell a bad joke that nobody laughs at and introduce the nominees for the Best Sound Editing Oscar before walking off again. It’s that easy, kids.

3 - “Jen will own the night,” part two. We don’t know who the source responsible for this quote is, but we’ve narrowed it down to one of 15 supporting characters from the movie Scarface.

The worst thing is, though, that Jennifer Aniston presenting an Oscar is only going to spur on Angelina Jolie to try and grab even more headlines in return. And, when you’ve already given your six-year-old son a knife, where else can you go? A fiver says that Angelina Jolie will admit to drowning kittens in binbags with Pax Thien before the week is out, just because it’ll get her on the cover of a magazine. Mark our words.

This story isn’t completely ludicrous, though. Plenty of actors only present Oscars to upset their rivals. take Sir Anthony Hopkins, for example – if you see him presenting an Oscar this year, know that it’s because Sir John Gielgud once pushed in front of him for a taxi and he still hasn’t forgiven the old dead bastard for it.

You! Follow hecklerspray on Twitter!

Headline Name: Email: subscribed: 0 We respect your privacy Email Marketingby GetResponse

Comments

  1. Joke Police says

    C’mon Team Jolie and Aniston United – this is a story on the internet and it needs to be taken Very Seriously. Get posting. What’s the truth? You guys know. You read it in a magazine and decided it in your head. WE NEED TO KNOW.

  2. Kini says

    This is the stupidest thing I have read in a while. I cant imagine someone would get paid to wright this crap.

  3. blady02 says

    Jen has more class and beauty and talent than both Pittiful and Jolie put together so they better sit way in the back of the room! They are a disgrace to entertainment! Jen rocks!

  4. Mandy says

    I agree with the above comment. Whoever wrote this is aweful. Jennifer Aniston deserves more credit than she gets, you are making her out to be a b**** when really that is Angelina. Everyone thinks she is a saint but only a wh*** would sleep with another womans husband and then flaunting it to everyone makes her a bigger slut.

  5. Dick says

    Stuart, oh Stuart. The only thing more pathetic than these headline grabbing bitches is your need to talk shit about them. Get a fucking life!

  6. Jungle says

    What are you so angry about?
    It is completely obvious that you have no idea what the heck you’re talking about.

    You have no talent as a writer, nor are you any good at stating opinionated facts. Write a real article, instead of complaining about how you have a personal grudge against Jennifer Aniston or any other celebrity because you’re a nobody.

    Worse. Article. Ever.

    By the way..

    “Our thoughts on the above quote:”

    There is no “Our”, I am sure it was merely “Your” thoughts.

  7. StuFan#1's Numba 1 Fan says

    Jungle.

    Worse. Post. Ever.

    Turn off your Aniston Google alert, take a deep breath, and discover comedy.

  8. Snapper Winsten says

    hmmm Jungle…did you mean WorsTTTTT. Post. Ever.? And have you ever been to this site before? Every article is written from a plural perspective. Unfortunately I agree with StuFan on this one, turn off your Aniston alert and calm down.

  9. Charlie says

    I guess there is a place for ‘rubbish’ writers everywhere. Rather than actually getting paid by a tabloid, you get paid for ‘rubbish’ internet. Hey…if it pays the bills you go for it, but it is disgusting.

  10. propitiousmoment says

    I can only assume this was meant to be tongue-in-cheek. It is asking way too much to think that you believe JA really wears a tight sweater in a restaurant to get back at whatsis & whosis. Like that is going to make a difference in any of their lives. Jen’s supposed “obsession” with those two is purely a creation of the media. Why don’t you find somebody else to pick on?

  11. Canuck says

    Wrong assumptions, which kind of makes you look a bit stupid. She’s got another film coming out around Feb 6th or so, which also stars Scarlet Johansson, Drew Barrymore, Ben Affleck etc, so they weren’t talking about Marley and Me.

    And if it performs at the box office like Marley did and as expected, it will be up over 100 million by the time the Oscars are on. Two in a row like that, and she WILL own the night. Especially since the film that AJ is nominated for has made all of about 35 million, which is less than it’s production budget.

    Personally, I suspect that Brangelina was only nominated to make sure they went to all of the awards shows, because it’s good for the ratings. I suppose that if they have come to the same conclusion, they might have been tempted to not come to the Oscars, or at least not both of them. No way they can do that if Jen is going to be there, they would end up looking like cowards. My money is on Jen presenting the Best Male Actor award, that would virtually guarantee that the ratings for the awards show would be massive. Maybe Brad would even win then, and we can all watch Angie’s face as Jen is presenting him with his award, hehehe…

  12. lilly says

    I thought the same thing about her presenting best actor, but that isn’t allowed is it? Doesn’t last years best actress give out best actor and vice versa? Anyway that would be great to see her present it to Brad. He doesn’t deserve it, but it would be great to see that shot (and the look on AJ’s face) worldwide!

  13. lilly says

    But watch them not show and have some excuse they’re in a third world country adopting again or something.

  14. Canuck says

    Sadly, it’s not allowed, but it would be a huge ratings boost if it was. lol

    Maybe Jen and John will show up with matching wedding bands, while AJ will be sporting something along the lines of another baby bump.

    Joke Police: You’re welcome. Wouldn’t want to disappoint you ;)

  15. caro says

    People really think Brad and Angelina are in the least bit worried about Jennifer Aniston???!! OMG! It is Jen and are people who just cannot move on, with the constant dig and second guessing Brad/Angie. Jen should stick to her stupid crowd-pleaser rom-coms opposite genuine comedy talents. Wonder what comedy actor is next to provide her another boxoffice? Angelina already has an oscar & and she has another Oscar nomination this year. Changeling is raking in the money worldwide (for the idiot who said it took only £30m. It event took more than that in the US only). It already making profit. Brad’s movie will eventually take more money than Jen’s brainless dog movie & he has another Oscar nomination. It’s ann insult to compare Changelina and Benjamin Button to that crap dog movie. Brad and Angie might not be favourite to win, but their performances were deemed excellent enough to be nominated. Its just unfortunate there are better movies to compete against like slumdog. The directors of Changeling and Benjamin Button haven’t won anything either, which should tell you all something. Benjamin and Changeling are proper meaningful dramas, not stupid brainless family comedy. Jen has only been invited to Oscars as a mascot, to exploit the so-called love triangle, and boost ratings. If she has any decency, she would stay home. Brad and Angelina are nominated, and will be presenting as well. So there! It will all end in tears for Jennifer Aniston. She can never steal the limelight from Angelina Jolie, She and her so called ‘people’ and fake ‘lover’ John Mayer need to get off Brad’s back and live their own life. Stop riding the coat tail of Brangelina woman! Move on.

  16. says

    While we are at it, what exactly is Jennifer Aniston going to rub Angelina Jolie’s nose in? That she was nominated for an Oscar? That her movies made over a billion in 2008 alone? That she has lovely children? That she is in a loving relationship? That she is beautiful? That she gets paid more per movie than Angelina? That she has moved on? What has she got that Angelina would want? She thinks Angelina is intimidated by her presence on this planet? Angelina has bigger fish to fry, love.

  17. Canuck says

    Her movies made over a billion in 2008 alone? Oops, that is her lifetime gross over 25 films, you ninny. Her average per film is standing at LESS than Jennifer Aniston, about half of Cameron Diaz, about equal to Drew Barrymore, and less than Anne Hathaway. And if you care to put on your glasses, that was 35 million, not 30. Or are you just downgrading in the hopes of making your point and no one will notice?

    Regardless, the film most certainly hasn’t made money, because the promotion budget usually is close to the amount they spend producing the film. That being the case, the break even point would be around 110 million, which they are about 24 million under at the moment. Not exactly “raking in the money”, I’m afraid.

    Interestingly, last year at one of the after-Oscar parties, there was “supposed” to be both Aniston and Brangelina on the guest list (if the gossip rags are to be believed). Aniston showed, Brangelina made up some excuse at the last minute not to. Maybe that’s a coincidence, but then again, maybe it’s not. You also don’t do an interview to “clarify” comments your ex-wife made if she is beneath your notice, do you? I’m quite sure that Aniston could do a lot of damage to Brangelina if she chose to. She’s been remarkably discreet about it over the years, even if the tabloids are constantly squawking about it.

    Ms. Aniston can most certainly rub Angelina’s nose in the fact that Angelina is now with a man who has proven himself to be unfaithful and untrustworthy and who didn’t seem able to manage his mid-life crisis without having the oh-so-stereotyped “affair with a younger woman who makes me feel young again”. How weak is that? Pathetic. Who the hell wants a man like that, even if he is Brad Pitt? Let’s face it, when you are the mistress and you “get” the guy, you will forever live with the niggling thought that now that you are “the wife”, maybe there is another mistress, just like you were. You would think AJ would know better, since she doesn’t speak with her father for EXACTLY the same reason. And JA may take some comfort in knowing that Brad is with someone who may torpedo his sex symbol status by cheating on him with another woman. How emasculated would he look if/when that happens? Not much of a prize, either of them.

    I feel very sorry for those kids. They don’t seem to stay in one place long enough to make any friends, they don’t seem to have any one place that they can really call “home” and feel that they belong, the older ones are not in school and you have to wonder how they are going to manage to develop social skills like that. They are certainly lovely now, but if you don’t manage to give them the sort of upbringing that allows them to function normally in society, they won’t be such lovely adults. You have to wonder what they will think when one day, they come across those online videos of their mother snorting heroin and explaining how S&M is from the heart.

    It never fails to amaze me to see that people have so been taken by the whole propaganda of Angelina. 5 years ago she was wearing a vial of blood around her neck and playing with knives in bed. She was making mediocre films based on a video game. In fact, she really is an actress who only manages to pull off roles where she is either playing a nutcase (she won an Oscar) or a bad-ass with a weapon. Anything other than that, and the movie usually doesn’t break even. The box office results are easy enough to read. With the sort of STAR status that she has acquired since catching the Brad Pitt publicity brass ring, she could be picking and choosing her parts to showcase her “talent”. And so, her next film features her as a bad-ass with a gun…again. Probably because her attempts at other types of roles just don’t seem to fly. Good thing she has Brad, or she probably would have faded into obscurity by now.

  18. Danz says

    i totally agree with Canuck. AJ is overrated in evry way (not hating or nethin) Ppl assume that bcuz AJ won an oscar a few years ago, her movies do well. They dont and they have’t in a long time. money doesnt define character but JA certainly cashed in more from her movies than AJ. So ppl shud stop calling jen a mediocre actress cuz she really is not.

  19. suzi says

    i hope that Brad and Angie both win baftas and oscars …. the only reason that anybodys boyfriend agreed to go the marley and me was because anniston got naked on the cover of GQ and thats all..

    I hope angelina wears some super tight super sexy lowcut dresses to show off her gorgeous figure and look hot next to brad at the baftas and oscars she should sack her current stylist for making her look less than gorgeous as she is truely more beautiful in the face and body than brads ex its not angie that left anniston it was brad who left her and had kids with angie that what he wanted and they seem pretty happy and i hope they win but if they dont they wont be the first to be nominated and not win winslet had to be nominated 5 times and angelinas films make more money than most of them…and she has beautiful children with brad and does real humanitarian work… so does brad…

  20. suzi says

    actually annistons movie they movie she in ages has not even made 200 mil worldwide angelinas 3 films last year have made of over a billion

  21. Canuck says

    Suzi,

    The Changling, worldwide as of today, 87 million

    Wanted, worldwide as of today, 341 million

    A Mighty Heart, as of today, 19 million

    I don’t think that comes to over a billion. Of course, I’m not counting the animated films where she did just the voice because the acting of the animated characters come from the animators, and not the actress.

    As for your claim about Aniston not even making 200 million for “ages”…

    Marley and Me, worldwide as of today, 159 million. It hasn’t even hit the screens yet in half the world, including the UK.

    The Break Up, worldwide as of today, 205 million.

    Friends with Money, worldwide as of today, 18 million.

    Plus of course, the opening weekend of “He’s just not that into you”, estimated as of today at about 27 million. It’s going to be a hit with an opening like that.

    Angelina seems to channeling WaspWoman for the Bafta Red Carpet. Seems appropriate to me somehow. As for beautiful in face and body…how true…and how utterly and tellingly shallow of you. because that’s all that counts, right?

    “She does real humanitarian work”…LMAO. No my dear, she does photo ops and the people who actually spend their lives in those disaster zones for the UN or other NGO’s do REAL humanitarian work. They live and breathe those humanitarian disasters and work their asses off to save as many lives as they can, AJ just flies in, sheds a few crocodile tears for the cameras and then flies home to her 60 million dollar house, multiple nannies, full time maids, cooks, drivers, bodyguards, private teachers for the kids etc etc etc.

    And they didn’t win Diddly Squat. It will be the same for the Oscars, they probably only got nominated because they are tabloid bait and it boosts ratings.

  22. BOYS says

    JENIFER ANISTON AND HER FAN ALL OF THEM GET SERIOUS MENTAL SICKNESS. NEED A SPECIAL THERAPY. THEY ACN’T MOVE ON.

  23. SCOTSGIRL says

    OBVIOUSLY THE WRITER OF THIS ARTICLE IS A JOLIE WHORE FAN.

    JEN HAS EVERY RIGHT TO BE ANYWHERE. SHE WAS NOT THE MISTRESS HERE. SHE DID NOT COMMIT ADULTERY BRANGELINA ARE A FRICKEN CIRCUS.

    GO HAVE ANOTHER 50 KIDS AND LIVE IN PARTS OF THE WORLD OTHER THAN THE U.S. THE COUNTRY THAT GIVES YOU THE MONEY YOU MAKE TO BUY ALL OF YOUR HOUSES AND HAVE 36 NANNIES.

    I WISH THESE TWO DISGUSTING PIGS WOULD JUST GO AWAY.

  24. Alison says

    Jennifer is allowed to exist and grab as many headlines as she can get. Isn’t that the point, for everyone, in Hollywood? It’s sort of unfair targeting her for it.

  25. COCO says

    Jenifer Aniston is 100% cheap ugly whore because she slept with a strings of Hollywood guys .

  26. Nick says

    Please, Please move on.

    Yes, we know the scenario. We’ve heard it a million times, move on.

    It was uncool what Angelina did but come on. There are horrible and sick delusional people out there and you still rant on about how “evil” she is. What she did isn’t even close to that word.

    Jesus. I hear stories about non famous people having affairs all the time. What has it bin, 3 or 4 years since the Jolie/Brad case came out and people still talk about it. Too me Hollywood isn’t even the slightest bit reality. Look at what it does to people, look how many decent people have turned over in the past years, Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears etc. It must be hell for all 3 of them having every single one of their moves physco analyzed. It’s bizarre.

    Despite what the media say, I admire all 3 of them.