The Oscars almost didn’t happen this year, thanks to the Hollywood writers’ strike, and some people said that was a bad thing.

However, when the strike ended, the producers of the Oscars had a brainwave. “What’s better than The Oscars That Didn’t Happen?” they reasoned, “Why, The Oscars That Nobody Cares About!”

And, as such, the big winners at last night’s Oscars were No Country For Old Men, There Will Be Blood, La Vie En Rose, The Counterfeiters and Michael Clayton – a selection of films whose combined box office grosses would just about stretch to buying you a particularly nice clothes peg. Oh, and Ratatouille won an Oscar too, but hopefully the tremendous oversight of giving an award to a popular film that people actually liked will be rectified by next year.