Osama Bin Laden Gives R Kelly A Shoulder To Cry On

If The Odd Couple ever returned to our screens, then there isn't a casting director in the land who could dream up an odder couple than this.

Everyone knows Osama Bin Laden - he’s that crazy foreign guy with a vengeance against the west - and then there's R Kelly, a successful singer who officially doesn’t love children a little bit too much. Imagine those wacky characters shacked up in a flat above a chip shop - it would be a certain ratings winner. 

The chances of these two ever bumping into each other over a packet of pork scratchings in the local ale house, though, is quite unlikely. Still this hasn't stopped R Kelly from comparing himself to the world’s most hated terrorist.

After going through a serious court hearing, you would be forgiven to presume that R Kelly would be a bit shaken and not his normal self. But even so, there's shaken and there's saying:

“Osama Bin Laden is the only one who knows exactly what I'm going through.” 

Unless Osama Bin Laden is sitting in a tricked-out cave somewhere in Afghanistan sipping on the finest camel’s milk and eating the priciest rice, we wouldn’t have thought so.

Granted, a lot of people despise the leader of Al Qaeda, but probably not as many as a man who legally didn't force a 14-year-old girl to piss herself to the sound of the Backstreet Boys. Still wounded from the ordeal, R Kelly said: 

“They can criticise you without even knowing you, and hate you when they don't even know you. All of a sudden, you're, like, the Bin Laden of America.”

Hecklerspray admits to making rude rhymes up about R Kelly during the case, but we never realised he’d take it so personally. We are sorry Robert, and promise to never call you a kiddy fiddler again.

We wonder if Bin Laden will feel Kelly’s pain of not having a decent record in such a long time. People we know tell us that the people in Afghanistan weren’t taking well to Bin Laden's last pop hit – The West Are Pigs And They Must Be Destroyed.