After two decades, several free cars and enough weight fluctuation to sculpt a small cellulite army, Oprah is done.
Sort of done. Oprah Winfrey is leaving her show. But not until 2011. And then she’s going to immediately start a new show somewhere else. But it’s still sad news – without Oprah Winfrey around, where will we know which treacly, middle-brow books to read? Where will we discover what people look like after they’ve had their face torn off by monkeys? Where will we get our fill of needlessly excited women unintentionally screeching bizarre non-sequiturs at a roomful of strangers? Where will we be able to slowly lose the will to live?
What? Tyra Banks? Oh, OK.
At this point in time, Oprah Winfrey has accomplished everything she can with her show. She’s given away cars to her audience. She’s watched dumbstruck as Tom Cruise leapt around on her furniture. She’s hit out at French stores that don’t recognise her greatness. She’s mildly annoyed 50 Cent. And, as with any show that’s been running since the mid-1980s, it’s all become slightly formulaic.
We know that Oprah Winfrey will whoop and encourage her guests to sob and appear in a pair of skinny jeans to boast about how much weight she’s lost every 18 months, and then spend the following year gradually swelling up like an infected blister again. And so does she. And that’s why Oprah Winfrey has done the unthinkable. She’s decided to quit her show in September 2011. ABC News reports:
Oprah Winfrey, one of the most influential and highly paid women on television, will announce on Friday she is ending her popular daytime talk show in 2011. Winfrey’s production company, Harpo Inc, said on Thursday she would make the official announcement on Friday’s live program from Chicago and talk about the reasons behind the decision to end it after 25 years on the air.
Well good for Oprah Winfrey. She’s earnt all the money she could ever need, and it’s better for her to bow out while she’s on top. We wonder what she’ll do with all her free time – maybe she’ll focus on her charitable work or take up knitting. What’s that? She’s starting her own network? Christ alive, that’s terrifying.
But at least Oprah’s new network will be good for anyone who wants to catch up with Oprah Winfrey at any given moment of the day. Or anyone who loves watching dozens of touchy-feely celebrity interviews. Or anyone who wants to spend upwards of 16 hours a day staring slack-jawed at a giant image of Oprah Winfrey’s head that’s made out of fire and does nothing but scream the word “REPENT” at them again and again. Probably.
But we’ve got all that to look forward to. For now we just have to wait for the official announcement on Oprah’s show later today. We can’t imagine what it’ll be like. Actually, we can – Oprah will cry, there’ll be a 15-minute VT montage of celebrities describing how brilliant she is and then Oprah will repeat the phrase “You guys!” 48 times in a row – but we meant to say that we don’t want to imagine what it’ll be like. Subtle difference.