There are a few no-fail aphrodisiacs in the world. Chocolate, for instance. And the Atta laevigata insect.

And Oprah Winfrey. Specifically the sight of Oprah Winfrey knocked out on sleeping medication inside her private jet. We’re telling you, whenever we think of Oprah Winfrey’s gigantic prostrate torso all unconscious and drooling several thousand feet in the air, we just have to run off and hump something.

It’s not just us – Corrine Gehrls, a flight attendant on Oprah Winfrey’s private jet, was fired for having sex with the pilot while Oprah slept. Except Gehrls is now suing Oprah, claiming it didn’t happen. So it is just us. Oh.

Seriously, we weren’t joking about the thought of Oprah Winfrey being fast asleep on an aeroplane being one of our top five sexual fantasies. It just ticks every box – especially if her comatose head tips backwards and she starts to snore and/or one of her massive arms slips off the armrest and impedes access up and down the central aisle. God DAMN that’s a sexy image.

But Corrine Gehrls definitely doesn’t think so. In June Corrine Gehrls was fired as a flight attendant on Oprah Winfrey’s personal jet because she allegedly had mid-air sex with pilot Terry Pansing while Oprah and other passengers were asleep. And who could blame her – we can’t even think about the needlessly large carbon footprint created by Oprah Winfrey while she was splayed out across a couple of seats like some kind of vast dormant wildebeest without wanting to rub ice cubes on our own nipples.

But – and this is the important part – Corrine Gehrls is suing Oprah Winfrey for wrongful termination. Gehrls says that no such bunk-up ever happened because at the time it was supposed to be taking place, the plane was actually on the tarmac refuelling. She’s also passed lie detector tests about the incident, but still won’t be rehired by Oprah. And that’s why she’s suing her. E! Online reports:

Also named in the Chicago defamation suit are fellow flight attendants Myron Gooch and Kirby Bumpus—who happens to be the daughter of Oprah BFF Gayle King. The canned stewardess says the two “falsely told Winfrey and Harpo” that she and Pansing “had been observed having inappropriate intimate contact outside the cockpit of the plane.”

Now, since we weren’t there, we obviously can’t say whether or not Gehrls and the pilot did have sex on Oprah Winfrey’s plane. All we know is that it’s definitely something that we would have done. Definitely. It just sounds like such a romantic setting – the way the moonlight glistened off Oprah’s dribbly chin, the irresistible rhythm of drowsy grunts and snorts as Oprah gracelessly shifted position mid-doze, the intoxicating aroma of Oprah’s bedtime farts – that it’s all we can do not to tear off our clothes and roll around on the floor pawing at ourselves right now.

Also, by our calculations, Oprah Winfrey is currently one flight attendant down. Our CV is in the post, Oprah. It might be a bit sticky.

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