This week’s rematch between Tom Cruise and Oprah Winfrey looks set to be the most exciting self-serving marketing stunt of the year!
However, we didn’t know what Tom Cruise and Oprah were going to discuss during Tom’s interview – until now. Because now it seems like it’s mostly about Tom Cruise’s arse.
Part of Oprah’s interview – conducted at Tom Cruise’s Colorado home – involved Oprah riding on Tom’s snowmobile, an experience that left Oprah blithering on about Tom Cruise’s butt and adding that she now knows what Katie Holmes sees in him. Financial gain despite an outwardly unconvincing relationship? Yep, actually that sounds about right.
At the end of the week and the beginning of next week, Tom Cruise returns to Oprah for the first time since he kicked his career to death by leaping all over her sofa like a 1950s housewife who’d just seen a mouse. To call the Cruise/ Oprah interviews highly-anticipated would be a gross understatement – Jesus could return to Earth on Friday morning and he’d be greeted with impatient shushes until Oprah’s ad breaks.
There’s so much for Oprah Winfrey to grill Tom Cruise about, you see, like the way his religious beliefs have crocked his career, or the real reasons behind the postponement of his new movie – even Tom Cruise’s feud with Brooke Shields happened after Tom Cruise’s last appearance on Oprah, and that was way back when people still liked Tom Cruise.
And this is just the tip of the iceberg. So what did Oprah choose to mainly focus on during her time in Colarado? That’s right – Tom Cruise’s shitter. During the filming of an episode in Las Vegas recently to announce the comebacks of Tina Turner and Cher – what is it with Oprah Winfrey’s ability to reanimate the dead? – Oprah let a couple of Tom Cruise factoids slip out, as USA Today reports:
Winfrey also spoke of having just come from the home of Tom Cruise in Telluride, Colo., for his first Oprah appearance since his infamous couch-jumping moment in 2005. Winfrey quipped that she did not jump on Cruise’s couch, and she spoke of holding on to him during a snowmobile ride. “There’s something about being scooched up to his butt that makes you want to sing Take Me Home, Tom,” Winfrey said. “Now I know what (his wife) Katie (Holmes) sees!”
Well, not exactly what Katie sees, since we imagine that’s mostly the inside of a cage and a yellowing water bottle, but good for Oprah anyway. There’s nothing like implied sexual tension between a man who’s been constantly plagued by gay rumours and a woman who some people think is a lesbian to bump up the ratings a notch or two during sweeps, is there?
Actually, we’re making out that Oprah’s interview with Tom Cruise was a lot more arse-centric than it actually was – Oprah also promised that Scientology and Tom’s relationship with Katie Holmes and his daughter Suri would be examined as well, although chances are the most hard-hitting stuff will be drowned out by the noise of a few thousand menopausal women wetting their knickers and screaming a lot.
But despite Oprah’s efforts to big the interviews up, we’ll have to just watch Friday and Monday’s editions of Oprah to see how revelatory the Tom Cruise interviews really are. Oh, wait, we ‘ve just remembered – we’re not unemployed housewives.
Oh well, we’re sure it’ll end up on the internet somewhere.
Read more:
What happened on ‘Oprah’ taping didn’t stay in Vegas – USA Today
Paul Boakye says
Nice job! Made me laugh, anyway!! I just love Oprah’s ability to turn everything into gold. She should be running for president, but she’s sent Obama instead. Excellent.
toolahroolahroolah says
….I just want to die now…please leave me…
smokn newtz says
I’m just bored but you guys need to get a life and stop complaining about other people’s. Who gives a shit about what these people do 24/7 fucking sick you are