OOOOOH – Twilight 3 Has A Red Barn In It – OOOOOH
As anyone who’s anyone already knows, the Twilight series revolves around several gay vampires struggling to marry in California or something.
Will the state’s senate hear their pleas? Rumor has it we’ll find out in the third film – Eclipse. Everyone’s filming in a red barn right now, and the commonly accepted speculation is that this is where the bloodiest gay hoedown in cinematic history is supposed to take place.
In the book it happens in chapter 4.
Apparently onlookers are lined up outside the barn snapping tons of pictures – while you’re stuck at a stupid desk. It’s so unfair, life.
New Moon is nowhere near theaters yet and already the crazy cat ladies of the world are all abuzz about it’s follow up. Well we’ve got good news for you cat ladies – stop stroking Mr. Sniffles and get yourself down to the red barn. Make sure to wear a shirt that really pops so that Edward sees you and inevitably falls in love. You may only have this one chance – make it count. And by that we mean you should leave your Care Bear knapsack at home.
Seriously, find something non-ridiculous to pack your lunch in.
Also, use a lint roller to take care of those long, furry hairs on your jacket. Edward hates furry hairs, and they make you look unkempt.
We know you’d probably like a more specific address than just ‘the red barn,’ but we don’t have one.
Terribly sorry.
What we do have though, is a scoop that’s sure to make you crap your Donald Duck-embroidered pants:
“Last night, on the set of The Twilight Saga: Eclipse, many on-lookers snapped photographs and videos of the production crew setting up a big, red barn. The consensus seems to be that the scene being shot involves two vampires in some sort of dream sequence. Most agree that this is probably related to Jasper…and his experience with the character Maria.”
Thanks for that, Examiner.com. And ladies – although we’re not sure exactly what you’ll find in the afore mentioned red barn – here are some possibilities:
1) Taylor Lautner rubbing lotion on several other male wolf-folk in various stages of dog-transformation. Some seem to like it, some don’t. None leave though.
2) The scene being filmed is Edward learning that Bella has always been his father. This varies from the book a bit, but was a tremendously successful formula when used in Star Wars. Plus it makes those whiskers she had in the first film make a lot more sense. You get it in retrospect now, don’t you. Us too.
3) A bunch of cows strapped in to a mechanical milker & a pitch fork wielding farmer telling you this is private property, & he’s got an emergency shotgun buried in that pile of hay right there.
Well what are you waiting for? Get going already! And for Pete’s sake let us know if we were right about any of it.
Really, we already know we’re right because dozens of our on-set secret sources have confirmed it, but get back to us anyway. We promise to act surprised.
WOW!! You have really put alot of thought into this big red barn they are setting up for the movie eclipse.It seems we may see you there in your gay atire right along side all of the hot boys. You talk about gay people so much it seems you may be one of them, and that is okay. You don’t have to hide it from us. See we don’t gay bash like you do. It also seems you may also wear ducky jammies like all the little girls that love twilight. Don’t worry we won’t tell anyone your secret!!!