One Of N-Dubz Is Releasing A Perfume For No Apparent Reason

N-Dubz are another one of those bands who don’t do anything quietly or subtly. Instead, they are paraded in front of us and branded as another pop act that “are from the streets.” To add to their authenticity, the trio that make up N-Dubz are decked out in ridiculous clothing, inked with terrible tattoos and speak a language that requires multiple people to translate.

On the grand scale of things, we’re also from the streets. Well, to a certain extent, we live on a street in a housing estate with thousands of other people.

If N-Dubz had their way, they’d try and convince you that they’re people who hang outside newsagents clutching a bit of cardboard that says “will rap for money.” After selling a couple of records and sending abusive text messages to Radio 1 breakfast show listeners, Tulisa from the group wants to branch out and flog her own range of smelly water.

People might snipe Tulisa down and scoff at her attempts at releasing a fragrance that other celebrity people have done. But remember, Tulisa from N-Dubz is from the streets.

So if she wasn’t a musician who rhymed words like “poo” and “shoe” together, we can imagine her setting up a stall in Camden market and flogging off a concoction made up of flat lemonade, the liquid that makes glowsticks glow and droplets of sweat. All presented in a unique bottle that’s shaped like a syringe and hand picked off the floor of public toilets. But only an idiot would buy this right?

We certainly agree, but Camden attracts tourists and hipsters who’ll happily pay £50 for a 3ml syringe of foul smelling liquid. Especially if you tell them it’s limited edition.

So the passing trade might be good, but what about those individuals who can’t get themselves down the market on a Sunday market? Well, it’s questionable as to who else will pick up her gear. Passing trade will be the majority of her business, but through poor market research we can conclude that listeners of N-Dubz are those who either listen to the band via prison radio, or whilst waiting to give birth on the children’s ward of a hospital.

The news from Tulisa wasn’t announced under a wave of publicity, or during one of the bands gigs behind the bins at McDonalds. Instead she took to the medium of Twitter, where she was guaranteed at least three retweets and easy content from people like us who are experiencing a slow news day.

Tulisa tweeted:

“So its finally confirmed! I will b releasing my own fragrance! Its called the female boss,by tulisa, once its on you become the female boss haha.”

Primark haven’t released a signature smell yet, but we imagine that Tulisa’s perfume will fit in. A perfectly cheap and disposable product that matches the shops existing outlook in general.

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Comments

  1. miecoa anna says

    OI WHY IS THIS ARTILCAL SO MEEN !!!! I’MA BUY THIS FRAGRANCE CUZZ I LO VE U TULISA xxxxxxx <3 UR AMAZING AND I LOOK UP TO HER IN EVERYWAY SO LEAVE HER ALONE ! I TELL YOU SOMTHING PAPARAZZI YOU ARE MORE SCUMM THAN SHE WILL EVER BE !

    I LOVE YOU TULISA U MY WORLD N-DUBZ !! xxx

  2. gilbert wham says

    We need a purge. A purge so pure in its savagery, so pitiless and far-reaching, it would make Pol Pot blanch. There is simply no other option.