Whatever you're doing on Friday, cancel it and buy OK! magazine instead so you can stare at the career-ending photos of Britney Spears divving around in clownish make-up on dresses covered in chicken-grease and dog-turds.
After Britney Spears apparently decided to use a high-profile comeback-announcing OK! photo shoot to act like a shrieking harpy who uses Chanel dresses to wipe up dog mess, stumbles around with her eyes rolled back like a zombie and absent-mindedly paws at her breasts and genitals constantly in full view of everyone, OK! magazine has decided to do the unthinkable. It's printing the Britney Spears photo shoot and accompanying paranoid interview in full! But however exciting the prospect of seeing the OK! Britney Spears meltdown photo shoot is, we know exactly what the poor girl must be going through – after all, we did pretty much the exact same thing in our infant school class photo.
It's hard to overestimate how badly Britney Spears needed this comeback. Years of baby-endangering inactivity had left people forgetting that Britney Spears had never stopped being the slutty virgin pop megastar that she'd always been. So that's why, after a much needed bald-headed minibreak to discover who she really was – the Antichrist, apparently – Britney Spears put her plan into action. It began with the so-called secret Britney Spears comeback tour, where Britney mimed a couple of songs in a club and ran off, and continued with direct Jesus-based fan communication on the Britney Spears website. And now comes the cherry on the cake – a photo shoot with OK! magazine that people think will actually kill off Britney Spears' career forever.
We mentioned the disastrous Britney Spears OK! photo shoot yesterday – where Britney Spears shunned the services of Hollywood's top make-up artists in favour of a couple of her fat-handed redneck friends, then complained that the ceiling was falling on her head, then ordered some fried chicken and wiped her greasy hands down an expensive Gucci dress, then mopped up dog shit with an equally expensive Chanel dress, all the while rolling her eyes around and being unable to keep her head upright – but only in a 'Hah! OK! will never print that' kind of way.
But guess what? OK! magazine has promised to print the entire toe-curling Britney Spears photo shoot and interview in full this Friday, even though it means effectively destroying its relationship with Britney. Why is OK! doing this? It's obvious – it wants to sell a bazillion copies and get rich reach out and persuade Britney Spears to get help. TMZ reports:
In an exclusive statement to TMZ, OK! Editor-in-Chief Sarah Ivens said, "OK! Magazine spent a heartbreaking day with Britney Spears and witnessed first-hand an emotional cry for help that will leave you shocked and sad. This week, on newsstands Friday, the truth will be told."
Exciting stuff. We like truth, especially when it staggers around not making any sense covered in stinking dog poo and bad make-up all the time. But listen – how bad can the OK! Britney Spears photo shoot actually be? After all, we've seen Britney Spears dress worse than anyone else for two years running – can it be any worse than that? Can the OK! photo shoot be worse than Britney Spears throwing up into a boy's lap? Can the OK! photo shoot be worse than Britney Spears showing her manky minge to everyone? Really?
Apparently so. We can't wait.
Read more:
Lonita says
Agreed – they are gonna have to be some messed up pictures to be the worst of Britney ever.
Carmela says
haha manky minge
matt says
i’m not big on tabloids, but i was psyched to hear about britney’s chicken grease/feces-fest. so, i found this site by chance. anyways, AWESOME WRITING and REPORTING. spot on!! YOU GUYS ROCK!!
Stu says
Its amazing how many magazines publish stories hitting on her, Guess they never really reall understood the defenition of bullying
tii says
where r the pics ? the magazin ? no where to be found BAWNNNG BAWWNNG BAWWNNG
where is brintey ??? humm…working with david guetta on her seventh album after making about $400 000 000 since the begining of 2008 from an album and endorsments to the circus tour….