To the uninitiated, OJ Simpson's current legal woe might seem inordinately complex – he stole some shit from some men, but only because he said the men had stolen shit from him, meaning that OJ Simpson was merely recovering shit.

Oh, it's so confusing that we think we need a lie down. Luckily it's not for us to make sense of OJ Simpson's alleged shit-stealing escapades, because that's for courts and lawyers and judges and whatnot to decide. Which is more or less what's happening now – a hearing began yesterday to decide whether there's enough evidence to take OJ Simpson to trial on all 12 of his charges. And if a trial does go ahead it's expected to be the biggest shit-based trial starring an unconvincingly innocent murder-suspect the world has ever seen.

Probably. It's not like we've researched it or anything.

It's honestly hard to know how OJ Simpson's brain works sometimes – there can't be many people who, after being cleared of murdering their ex-wife and her friend, would think "Maybe the best way to get the public to like me would be to write a book where I graphically detail the murders as if it was me doing them."

Similarly – if the current allegations against OJ Simpson are true – there can't be many people who'd see some sports memorabilia dealers selling things they assume to be under their ownership and, instead of hiring a lawyer to pursue the matter officially, decide to burst into the dealers' hotel room with a gang of armed men screaming about shit like an angry poo-fixated toddler. 

But trying to work out how OJ Simpson's brain works is now the job of a Las Vegas court which – for the duration of yesterday and today – is holding a hearing to decide whether there's enough evidence to take OJ Simpson to a full trial, which could end up with him spending the rest of his life behind bars on 12 charges including kidnap, assault and robbery with a deadly weapon.

And that means that we're getting to see a bigger picture of the alleged armed robbery than ever before. For instance, we now know that the 'meeting' between OJ Simpson and the memorabilia dealers Bruce Fromong and Alfred Beardsley was set up by auctioneer Thomas Riccio, the man who made the infamous "you think you can steal my shit?" recording; that Riccio had informed the FBI of OJ Simpson's plans weeks in advance and that – at one befuddling point – OJ Simpson wanted to make a reality TV show out of the raid.

But the real star testimony yesterday came from Bruce Fromong – a man who freely admits that he wants to write a book about the incident and then turn the book into a movie starring Jack Nicholson as himself – who got to recount the details of the so-called robbery. In court Bruce Fromong claimed that OJ Simpson and his goons burst into the hotel room and stuffed several hundred items of memorabilia into pillowcases – some of which had nothing to do with him at all – while one man held a gun to his face and threatened to shoot him in the 'ass'. Fromong said:

"I wasn't cowering in a corner, but having a gun pointed at me is an uncomfortable feeling."

Today's part of the hearing is expected to be as information-heavy as yesterday's was, and when it's done the judge will be able to decide whether OJ Simpson should be taken to a full criminal trial, which is both a good and a bad thing.

For example, a full, long court case would give the world more time to get a handle on what apparently transpired in the days up to and including OJ Simpson's raid and digest the claims in easier to manage chunks – but on the downside it sounds like Bruce Fromong is so hungry for fame that a book entitled If I Did It, I'd Have Been Basically Robbing Myself And Holding A Gun To My Own Head Which Doesn't Make Very Much Sense But Buy My Book Anyway is depressingly inevitable.