OJ Simpson Out Of Jail, But Officially Arrogant & Ignorant

It takes a brave man to yell at OJ Simpson with his reputation - well, a brave man or a rubbery-faced woman on a wooden bench, one or the other.

OJ Simpson was in jail between Friday and yesterday because he broke court orders and left a voicemail for Clarence Stewart, one of his alleged accomplices in the armed robbery he's accused of staging.

And yesterday, before freeing him, Judge Jackie Glass decided to explain why this was wrong to OJ Simpson, by basically bellowing the words "Arrogant!" and "Ignorant!" at him until everyone in the courtroom ended up deaf and crying.

Things aren't looking great for OJ Simpson. To be fair, things haven't looked that great for OJ Simpson since the day his wife was murdered - but now they're looking especially bleak. But that's what happens when - as OJ Simpson is being accused of - your idea of a polite negotiation with some sports memorabilia dealers involves a gang of thugs, some guns and the phrase "You think you can steal my shit?" hollered over and over again like a disgusting poop-centric mantra.

If OJ Simpson is found guilty of the million or so charges he faces when his trial comes up in April, then he'll most likely spend the rest of his life in jail. And, as a kind of induction to that, OJ Simpson has been spending the last few days in jail, just to size things up and test out some paint samples on the wall, maybe order a few copies of If I Did It, Here's How It Happened for the library while he was there, that sort of thing.

Actually, the reason for OJ Simpson's almost week-long stay in jail was because he was caught leaving a voicemail for Clarence 'CJ' Stewart, an alleged accomplice of his, when the court had ordered him not to. In the voicemail, OJ Simpson told Stewart:

"I just want CJ to know that… don't be trying to change this motherfucking shit now. Fucking asshole, I'm tired of this shit. Fed up with motherfuckers changing what they told me."

Forget contacting an accomplice, OJ Simpson should have been jailed for his fickle attitude towards shit. First he was angry because someone was trying to steal his shit, then he decides that he loves his shit so much that he don't want nobody to motherfucking change it, and then all of a sudden he's tired of his shit? No wonder OJ Simpson is in so much trouble - doesn't he know that nobody likes a shit flip-flopper? Find your line about shit and stick to it, that's the golden rule when it comes to shit. Even a child knows that.

Anyway, yesterday OJ Simpson appeared in court to find out about his immediate future. Would he be set free or would the judge keep him locked up until his trial starts in April? Turns out that OJ Simpson caught Judge Jackie Glass in a good mood, because she let him out of jail with nothing more than doubled bail and a public bollocking. Here's what the judge said to OJ:

"I don't know, Mr. Simpson, what the heck you were thinking - or maybe that's the problem - you weren't. I don't know if it's just arrogance. I don't know if it's ignorance. But you've been locked up at the Clark County Detention Center since Friday because of arrogance or ignorance - or both… Don't get on a boat. Don't go on a trip. You stay on dry land."

This fresh double onslaught of a stretch in jail and a public telling-off from a judge must mean that OJ Simpson's spirits are just about as low as they can get at the moment - but it's not all bad. Perhaps these last few days that OJ Simpson has spent in jail will count towards his full sentence if he's found guilty of his charges. 

That's great news - it means that OJ Simpson can spend the last six days of his life out in the open air instead of dying a broken man in prison. How ace is that?

Read more:

Judge gives O.J. Simpson a tongue-lashing; he goes free on bail - NY Daily News