Oh, and there’s that whole murder business. And kidnapping and armed robbery. Oh, and NFL football. Mustn’t forget that.
And now, there’s been mutterings that ol’ O.J. has been beaten to little more than a bloody stain on the floor while in prison. Racially motivated too (some readers may be a different skin colour to Simpson, just in case you were confused). And what’s this? O.J. Simpson finds it all very amusing? What is he? Some kind of pervert who gets off on violence?
Alas, there is something that needs clearing up first. No, it isn’t O.J.’s eyeballs that became dislodged during a particularly brutal prison scrap.
Sadly for the sake of a mocking story, it seems that the tale of Simpson getting his arse handed to him on a plate while in the clink, is completely untrue.
In fact, the story is so far off the mark that, apparently, The Juice (that is one of O.J.’s nicknames, if you didn’t know) nearly pissed himself laughing when he heard about it.
Sources at Lovelock Correctional Center (that sounds nice doesn’t it? Much nicer than the nearby Hatesocket Donkey Punching Unit) in Nevada have noted that Simpson’s supposed bout of pagga were so ridiculous that guards pulled O.J. from his cell just so they could tell him about the rumours.
And Simpson found the whole thing very entertaining, with one guard stating that the former glove botherer “laughed his ass off.”
At the time of press, an official rep for the prison says that there have been “no incidents regarding O.J. in any shape or form.”
When his prison buddies hear of this, they might give him a kicking just to be on the safe side.