Poor old O.J. Simpson. He’ll forever be remember as That Man Who Couldn’t Get A Pair Of Gloves To Fit Him. Oh, we shouldn’t forget that he did that really funny wheelchair skit in the Naked Gun film.
Oh, and there’s that whole murder business. And kidnapping and armed robbery. Oh, and NFL football. Mustn’t forget that.
And now, there’s been mutterings that ol’ O.J. has been beaten to little more than a bloody stain on the floor while in prison. Racially motivated too (some readers may be a different skin colour to Simpson, just in case you were confused). And what’s this? O.J. Simpson finds it all very amusing? What is he? Some kind of pervert who gets off on violence?
Alas, there is something that needs clearing up first. No, it isn’t O.J.’s eyeballs that became dislodged during a particularly brutal prison scrap.
Sadly for the sake of a mocking story, it seems that the tale of Simpson getting his arse handed to him on a plate while in the clink, is completely untrue.
In fact, the story is so far off the mark that, apparently, The Juice (that is one of O.J.’s nicknames, if you didn’t know) nearly pissed himself laughing when he heard about it.
Sources at Lovelock Correctional Center (that sounds nice doesn’t it? Much nicer than the nearby Hatesocket Donkey Punching Unit) in Nevada have noted that Simpson’s supposed bout of pagga were so ridiculous that guards pulled O.J. from his cell just so they could tell him about the rumours.
And Simpson found the whole thing very entertaining, with one guard stating that the former glove botherer “laughed his ass off.”
At the time of press, an official rep for the prison says that there have been “no incidents regarding O.J. in any shape or form.”
When his prison buddies hear of this, they might give him a kicking just to be on the safe side.
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bigbiggityben says
This is shameful that mainline news outlets have taken their lead in reporting this story from “The National Enquirer”, as America continues its decline into joke journalism. You’d think that there’d be some demand by the respectable outlets through the Simpson family to confirm whether such was true or not., in order to assure that prison officials we’re not lying. It’s hard to believe this story because there is a lot at stake for CA government officials that concealed evidence in the first Simpson 1995 murder trial to make sure he is protected. New evidence of CALTrans traffic data for the I-405 freeway in southern CA indicate his in-laws, the Browns, were untruthful about reaching their home in Dana PT after leaving Brentwood between 8:30 & 9:00 PM in order to make one of the two last phone calls to Simpson’s wife Nicole at 9:37 PM. The CALtrans data now supports the initial independent statements given by both Brown parents that they last talked to daughter Nicole at 11 PM when OJ was entering a limo for LAX airport. This is discussed in a lengthy new book out through Amazon.com/books by one of Simpson’s independent investigators entitled “Pursuit of Exhibit 35 in the Simpson Murder Trial and its Hidden Secrets”.
gilbert wham says
TL;DR. Not sure ‘respectable news outlets’ and ‘Simpson Family’ go together too well either.
lee says
i hope he gets his ass kick every day his smart ass mouth bragging about sex with white women go skinhead am so proud of you oh by the way do they have a golf course there sweet dreams oj
lee says
i ,am waiting how long does it take for my comment waiting on moderation?