Mitch Winehouse isn’t just famous for being Amy Winehouse’s dad, you know. He’s also famous for, um…
Oh. Hang on. There must be something. Wait. No. Oh, no, actually it turns out that Mitch Winehouse is just famous for being Amy Winehouse’s dad. But has that stopped him from inexplicably releasing a jazz album called A Rush Of Love To The Heart? No, no it hasn’t.
And we hope that the album becomes a runaway success – because then chances are that Mitch Winehouse will develop a crack addiction, marry someone desperately unsuitable, have an overdose, punch one of his fans in the face and watch in horror as one of his fake tits explodes. If there’s anything that runs in the family, it’s exploding tits.
Mitch Winehouse is brilliant. He’s a doer. Where others see tragedy, he only sees possibilities. A couple of years ago, when every day heralded a new story about about how close Amy Winehouse was to death, Mitch Winehouse did what any loving father would do – he appeared on every single TV show that’d have him to explain how worried he was about her.
But then the unthinkable happened. Amy Winehouse got better, and Mitch Winehouse was left with three choices:
1) Fade away again, happy that his daughter’s new-found health had rendered his semi-celebrity status redundant.
2) Write and record an entire bloody jazz album that people will only pay attention to because of who his daughter is.
3) Get Amy back on the crack again so he could have an excuse to pop up on Sky News every few hours, just like the good old days.
And, even though the last option would probably be the most painless for everyone involved, Mitch Winehouse has instead picked the second option, possibly because he’s evil and harbours a burning hatred towards all of humanity. MTV reports:
The father of Amy Winehouse has just launched a new jazz album entitled A Rush Of Love To The Heart. Mitch said: “Of course, I wouldn’t be in this position without Amy, but now the opportunity is there, why not take it?”
Still, good luck to Mitch Winehouse. Especially if this means that Mitch Winehouse’s auntie can release an album to cash in on his success, and then her cousin can release an album to cash in on her success, and then their dentist can release an album to cash in on their success. Eventually all the world will be able to release a godawful jazz album of their own that nobody cares about, and it’ll all be down to good old Mitch Winehouse. HOORAY FOR MITCH WINEHOUSE! HE’S OUR HERO!
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{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
Hi Stuart,
Who is the fucking stupit that pays you for writing this bulshit, with child writing style and lack of imagination? I am sure you can not do better. This is the best you can do. I’m sorry for you.
Your comments about Mitch W are ironic, because your very own site is based on your milking celebrities and others in the public eye. Who, actually, would you be without the milk train of celebrities to cash in on? And, where Mitch has some clear talent, you appear to have none, at least none that’s evident in your writing. Even your comments, merely demeaning and hostile, are predictable.