As a teenage country singer, Taylor Swift is bound by convention to get pregnant as soon as possible – preferably by a member of her own family.
But don’t hold your breath. Following reports of her fury at being dumped by Joe Jonas recently, rumours quickly spread that Taylor Swift was in fact pregnant. But this isn’t the case at all, and Taylor Swift has publicly declared that it would be ‘impossible’ for her to be pregnant.
Of course it’s impossible. Look at the facts – Taylor Swift is a good, church-going Christian girl from the heartland of America who’s only just reached the legal age of consent and whose last known boyfriend is a self-confessed virgin. Of course it’s impossible for Taylor Swift to be pregnant. She’s obviously a man.
Grammy-nominated performer she might be, but Taylor Swift needs to be taught some country and western lessons as soon as possible.
For example, Taylor Swift was recently dumped by a Jonas Brother. How did she react? By making a short internet video starring a doll, that’s how. That’s not country. If Taylor Swift was serious about being a country singer she’d have rushed to the nearest bar and choked a waitress. Or at least shot a stranger in the face. That’s country.
Honestly, at this rate Taylor Swift risks losing the hearts and minds of country fans altogether. She needs to do something real country real fast – something like getting pregnant.
That’d be perfect – just think of the credibility that an illegitimate baby born out of wedlock would give Taylor Swift’s country career. Once it was born, she could call it Bobby Jed, dress it in little dungarees and give it a job driving a truck before it’s old enough to walk.
Except she won’t do that. Despite a raft of recent rumours to the contrary, Taylor Swift has come forward to comprehensively deny that she’s pregnant. More than that, in fact, Taylor Swift says that pregnancy is an absolute impossibility for her. The LA Times reports:
The 18-year-old country singer wrote on her MySpace page: “I read a very creative rumor this morning saying I’m pregnant, which is the most IMPOSSIBLE thing on the planet. Take my word for it. Impossible.”
You hear that? The notion that Taylor Swift could ever be pregnant is literally the most impossible thing on the planet. Think of anything you like – like a bee the size of a bus, or representing √2 as a rational fraction p/q, or a man who poos marshmallows – and it’s bound to be a million percent less impossible than the idea that Taylor Swift, an 18-year-old woman with what we only presume is a functioning reproductive system, might possibly be pregnant.
That’s all well and good, but it doesn’t help Taylor Swift’s country credentials, does it? At this rate she’ll be kicked off the scene by the end of the week unless she does something profoundly country. Our suggestion? Taylor Swift should deny that she’s gay immediately.
{ 66 comments… read them below or add one }
This is a dumb article
she doesnt need to do anything country
im pretty sure her fan base is already set
and its impossible probably cause shes a virgin
like i said
stupid article
indeed
you rock i think so and i want see you and go on a constert with you tooooooooooooooooo! plesae e-mail me by tasj@.charter.net
Oh God, someone please help poor alyssa…
They practiced safe cornhole sex.
That is so not true. I disagree with many of your comments on Taylor. This is the most stupidest article I’ve ever read. She doesn’t need to do anything country. She’ll do what she wants when she wants. So if you’re going to post something, make sure it’s worth reading and not trash. Again, the WORST article I’ve ever read. I bet my dog could write a better, nicer article.
Impossible!
She has a penis.
I hate you for thinking that
wow,realy?? talk bout jelousy!! Taylor swift roxx. jus shut thaa fu** upp ((: <<3 britt
I don’t think Joe Jonas would get that bitch pregnant. First of all, they are too young. Second, he mine! Plus, he is way too sexy for that ugly ass bitch, Taylor Swift, I mean bitch.
Shut up joe jonas lover! You’re nothing compare to taylor! You’re the bitch there!!! And oh, joe is yours?? (laugh) keep dreaming stupid!
YOU BETTER NOT CALL TAYLOR SWIFT A B****! YOUR THE B**** SINCE YOU ARE TALKING BAD ABOUT TAYLOR SWIFT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
joe jonas lover stop being so bad your the one who is being so stupid not, taylor swfit, you are just be nice man stop being so shit
wow. talk bout jelous!! taylor swift iis alot betr than yu
) nd byy the wayy biitch joe iis miine ha.
dude u dont know shit!!!!!about country and about music, taylor is the number one in country music, this article is just full of SHIT!!!!!!!
He’s not yours you fucking homosexual lover.
this is so stupid taylor swift can not be pregnant infact she isnt this article is way out of hand she is not pregnant and she doesnt need to do something country she is perfectly fine she is a good singer like she will always be taylor swift rocks and like i said taylor swift is not pergnant
If this is “gossip for grownups” shouldn’t it be written by grown ups. This site features the most horribly written acrticles.
that was SOOO stupid. ONE- taylor swift would never do something like that TWO- she is fine the way she is THREE- she is definitly not a man FOUR- i think you are just jelous. that’s why you write all of these STUPID,OUT OF HAND articles- just to make yourself feel better. well, you’re the one that’s stupid here.
I went to school with her and she dated an 18 year old when she was a freshman. I’m sure she is not a virgin cuz she would make out with him in public all the time.
wow, that was the biggest lie i’ve ever read, why don’t you go PUPLICLY find a way to get attention instead of posting realy bad lies?
wow,horrible lie…and jelous much??
wow. you have a very limited veiwpoint on dating. You can TOTALLY makeout in public ALL the time & never take it to the bedroom. Actually I’m pretty sure it’s a good indication of NOT having sex if they were making out that much in public — think about it. Besides I dated a 22year old at 17 & we made out like crazy — but we didn’t do sex — i was a virgin when i got married. So
it DOES happen. some people aren’t that narrow minded (relationship+attraction=sex — WRONG)
p.s. nobody talks about my twin sis that way…so back down
you have no idea what country is i hate taylor swift but i am country and we dont go arond with a rope tied to our waist shott somebody just because we got mad so um why dont u figure else some way to dis her
I don’t see how anyone could say they hate Taylor — except if they have a jealousy problem. She’s a good person & she sings what she feels. What’s wrong with that? So she’s not a Country Stereotype, big deal, cry me a river; if you don’t like her music that’s fine — move on. But grow up and stop “hating” there’s no reason to be dissing Taylor about anything
I think this is the supidest article EVER. She doesn’t need any crappy, WRONG, rediculous ideas! And if you think she should actually do that kind of stuff, you should be put to jail or a mental house! Cause she don’t deserve this! She is the most awesome singer ever and she doesn’t need you to tell her what you think someone her age should do! Supid, stupid, stupid article.
whoever freakin wrote the article is gonna get their butt kicked. Taylor is not a man. She doesnt even look like one. She’s a beautiful young women
hahahahaha… holy smokes… I don’t know what’s better, this outstanding and 100% accurate article or the angry, ill-informed responses that it got.
Keep up the stellar reporting Heritage!
I’m sorry but this article is not 100% accurate. Taylor Swift is not pregant and she is not a man.
this is stupid!! taylor swift is not a man, she is not pregnent and she is a very good singer. she doesn’t need to do anything counrty. she fine the way she is.
wow i love taylor swift i am 21 and feel that her music is inspiring about relationships which is hard for every teenage… listen to the words and learn. why does it matter if she is pregnant, or a virgin? That is her business I hate that people are so nosey with other peoples private lives even celebrities want peace and quiet sometimes. For god sakes leave the poor girl alone. And Joe Jonas gag me with a wooden spoon BS those douche bags are virgins they have 12 years old throwing themselves on them … And BTW Joe Jonas Lover… get a real life and real boyfriend a celebrity is never going to date someone like you…
get a life you dickhead, dont knock country music or stars.
taylor swift is much more famous than you will EVER BE, so get over it and get a life
I don’t get what the big deal is? Country is the music she sings, and makes a lot of money for it, because she has a lot of fans… You might as well say Americans can’t play basketball because it was invented by a canadian… Diabetics can’t have insulin because canadians invented it, white people can’t rap because the majority of rappers are black? I will never understand why everyone is so opinionated…When did it become “cool” to say a girl has a penis or is a man? Hahahahaha, I can’t believe you immature kids have access to the internet it’s teaching you terrible habits, you’ll never have boyfriends and girlfriends with your harsh opinions. She’s 19 years old turning 20 I highly doubt she’s a virgin. It’s none of our business anyways, just because their celebrities you think they have to be perfect hahahahahahaha.
hi you ar so so so cool and i love you toylor
The thing that wrote this (yes thing It can’t be human) need to be fired, SO I SAY YOUR FIRED!!!!!
HOW DARE YOU? YOU ARE SUCH A RUDE PERSON! YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST GO OFF AND TALK ABOUT PEOPLE AND YOU THINK YOU KNOW EVERYTHING, BUT YOU DONT! YOU DON’T KNOW TAYLOR SWIFT AS YOU BEST DO YOU? I DIDN’T THINK SO, SO YOU JUST NEEDA BACK OFF AND GET YOUR OWN FREAKIN LIFE! NOW! TAYLOR SWIFT IS A GOOD GIRL AND SHE IS PERFECT THE WAY SHE IS, NOW STOP ACTING LIKE YOU KNOW EVERYTHING AND GET THE HECK OUT OF TAYLOR SWIFT’S LIFE! AND LEAVE HER ALONE!!! NOW!!!!!!!!!!
-A PROTECTIVE AND LOVING TAYLOR SWIFT FAN
Stuart ur an absolute fuckin legend:) i luv ur articles:D
and all ye prepubescent jonas brother twilight fanciers shud get a life
what a stupid article
there’s nothing more to say about this…
the only true fact is that taylor isn’t pregnant
the remains are just stupid…
HAHAHAHA! THAT WAS SUPER FUNNY XD
hahahahahaha everything about this is funnny.
1. the article is completely ridiculous. i mean, it’s overly opinionated and anyone who takes it seriously needs to calm down.
2. the angry comments are funny because this article is coming from ONE person. I mean seriously, why would you take this crap seriously? Plus, WHO CARES if someone hates Taylor Swift?! They can choose who they like, can’t they? Just like you choose to be a Taylor Swift fan. I may not be a big fan of Taylor Swift, but I’m certainly not gonna bash on all of you for loving her.
I choose to remain neutral. Taylor Swift is just another mainstream singer that doesn’t really phase me at all. Her music is decent, but worn out. She says she’s a virgin and I don’t doubt it at all. A lot of girls her age choose to stay a virgin. I don’t see why it’s a big deal… I do think that the stupid rumors should stop about her being pregnant and crap. It’s just stupid and immature for somebody to start that kind of rumor. And I have no doubt in my mind that who ever did start that rumor is jealous of her in some way. But hey, it’s their life I guess and if they want to make up stupid rumors, that’s their choice.
taylor swift is a very talented women! and she doesnt deserve to be treated the way you are treating her… she just wants to give really good music so she writes it and sings! i highly doubt she wants all this hate! seriously people get a life!
hey Taylor swift is the best she is my number one star she rock man hey just be nice man do be stupid just be nice man she like the best sing man!!!+?:”><{}
i agree with everybody else.. shut the hell up joejonaslover!! you dumb bitch! whats your problem??!? joe is little man whore! you are probably some 10 year old little girl.. really wtf? who likes anyone with the last name jonas?!?
Choke a waitress? Shoot a stranger in the face? Pregnant out of wedlock? I think this fellow has somehow mistaken Country for Gangsta, lol.
Despite everything this article was pretty funny, gave me my laugh for the day. It was probably meant as a joke, lighten up and read it again, there’s no way this fellow was serious.
Seriously, i was wondering the same thing. Country has nothing to do with that kinda crap — but, yes, that stuff sounds exactly like gangsta & any kind of CITY music — come on, was he drunk when he wrote this? LOL. well this article & all these responses just go to prove, if you talk smack about Taylor — you’ve stired a wasp-nest. her fans not only love her, they have her back — & when i say “they” i mean myself as well
Idc if shes a dude. Id still hit that. Lol.
I hate this publisher for discriminating Taylor like this. This is an utter bullshit!Though she is a celebrity,she is a human too.Humans have feelings! Guess you don’t get the meaning of self-respect… Get a life dude.. TAYLOR SWIFT ROCKS! LOVE YOUR SONGS! LOVE YOUR VOICE!
I went and saw a taylor swift concert last night and it was amazing! She is gorgeous and exhudes poise and grace. She is a fantastic role model. She would never do any thing this article stated. Joe Jonas had it coming to him as well as any other boy that broke her heart or cheated on her. She shows little girls that it is ok to stand up for yourself and that it is ok to be strong, beautiful and self confident. Amazing and tallented young woman.
kudos. I couldn’t have said it better myself. well put. simple, true, & irrefutable
man you are a total jackass to actually go and write something like this have you ever been to nashville or anywhere for that matter and seen people act country in the way that you described i see people in the north-west that are country by your standards. taylor swift implied that she is still a virgin which you would be able to see if your head wasnt so far up your ass you were seeing daylight
OMG! wut is ur problem??? Taylor Swift is ttly awesome. FYI- AWESOME is the OppOsite of wut U are: IDIOTIC.
Taylor swift is a fuken bitch!!!!!!!
huh?? yur thaa biitch… jelous Biitch….
“If it serves the beast, then they are very interested in you.”
It’s all about the money folks $_$
I prefer Taylor Swifty over Lady GaGa(kaka)anyday.
LOL – - if you people knew the truth about how she was in high school you would know that it is MORE than possible for her to be pregnant. If her best friend ‘gave it all to a boy’ do you think that she didn’t? Search Taylor Swift and Hendersonville Highschool boyfriends, look at the pictures, read the information, and see what you think. Everyone will seek their own truth and be happy with that, for those of us who went to school with her, she is not necessarily the person that she pretends to be and btw she is NOT originally from Nashville. As with any question, do your homework folks and look for information. The real bottom line here is what difference does it make? Do you really want to start listing all the country music folks who had affairs, got pregnant whild not married, had abortions, and had sex before they were ‘of legal age’? Think it would be a very long list!
Well, stop fighting u kids ,doesn’t matter what she does,i am a big fan of hers and will cotinue to like her songs
This whole page pretty much (example exclusion: my comment) = fail
ily taylor shes liike my iidol((: shezz thaa besstt!!!
This is the stupidest article I have ever read and you seriously need help if you think you know what you’re talking about. Taylor Swift has so many fans and you’re no country singer either so just shut up and find something good to write about thats actually worth peoples time.
Don’t ever believe on rumors that goes around To the one who dislikes Her, u better listen first and know TAYLOR”s opinion ,try to think on whatever you’ll do ,don’t waste ur words someday u’ll remember all of this and pitty for ur self!
Even if i’m a boy, i like her bec. she’s true to herself. That’s all i can say
yah,he’s right on what he says ,rumors can crash ur own personality if u just believe in what you’ve heard ,try to think of it ,if u were on taylor’s shoes what would u feelabout this attacking nonsense article??
“If Taylor Swift was serious about being a country singer she’d have rushed to the nearest bar and choked a waitress. Or at least shot a stranger in the face. That’s country.”
That’s NOT country. That’s plain CRAZY!
this is such crap, why does this site hate taylor swift so much? i think shes great, a great person and singer, these people really need to get a life as she has done nothing wrong, nothing to make anyone hate her, spreading rumours and saying mean stuff like that behind anyones back is just plain nasty, but behind such a nice persons back is just really horrible. she can do whatever music she wants, and the website owners shouldn’t stereotype country singers. she has been through loads, good and bad like everyone, just because shes talented, therefor famous, shouldnt mean they get bad stuff spread about them, clearly jealous whoever writes crappy articles like that.
It’s kinda funny how seriously you guys are taking this article. And not to mention how LITERAL. This “article”, if you can call it that, is just a harmless bit of satire, not meant to be taken seriously. It’s just one purposely exaggerated opinion. Now CALM DOWN. You love Taylor Swift. Awesome. I respect her too. You know what, never mind. Keep writing. I’m being entertained.
PS.
“alyssa mcwhoretr November 8, 2008 at 1:16 am
you rock i think so and i want see you and go on a constert with you tooooooooooooooooo! plesae e-mail me by tasj@.charter.net
Sarah November 8, 2008 at 7:42 pm
Oh God, someone please help poor alyssa…”
Super funny!