We know what you’re thinking – all this talk of Nadya Suleman has made you hungry for Octomon-branded cornflakes.

Incidentally, they’re just like normal cornflakes. Except, you know, they look a bit like Angelina Jolie, they cost millions of dollars in taxpayer’s money and you could comfortably drive a tractor up their vaginas without even making them flinch.

But that’s not the point – the point is that Nadya Suleman knows that she’s hot property, which is why she’s currently trying to trademark the Octomom brand. Sorry other opportunistic mothers of eight babies – it’s either Eightomom, Huitmere, Babybabybabybabybabybabybabybabymom or Heptamom +1 for you.

Octomom Nadya Suleman is probably the luckiest woman on Earth. Not only has she now got so many beautiful children to care for alone that she’ll probably die of a stress-related coronary by the time she’s 45, or a vagina that’s now so voluminous and droopy that she could feasibly gain future employment at NASA using it as a braking parachute for returning space shuttles, but she’s also got the name Octomom.

And Octomom has been the making of Nadya Suleman. Would Nadya Suleman have been such an object of global curiosity if she wasn’t known as Octomom? Doubtful. Would Nadya Suleman have appeared on Dr Phil if she wasn’t known as Octomom? Again, probably not. Would Nadya Suleman have been offered a million dollars to star in an eight-on-one porno movie if she wasn’t known as Octomom? Yes, but that’s because all men are perverts and will watch anything so long as there’s tits in it.

And Nadya Suleman knows how valuable the Octomom brand is to her, which is why it’s been reported that she’s currently trying to trademark it. AP reports:

“Octomom,” the nickname that has dominated headlines for nearly three months, could belong to Nadya Suleman alone. The mother of octuplets wants to trademark her moniker and filed two applications with the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office on April 10. The applications said Suleman wants to put the Octomom name on television programs, clothing and disposable and cloth diapers.

Putting aside the fact that the only people who’d be interested in an Octomom line of clothing are those clinically obese men who have to wear dresses and people who can’t afford anything from the Angelina Jolie clothing line, we can’t help feeling that Nadya Suleman is missing a trick here. Think ‘Octomom’ and you don’t think of TV shows or nappies or clothes. You think of those machines that fire out a constant stream of tennis balls, and you think of female genitals that have become de-elasticised. So maybe Nadya Suleman should, um, market those things.

Look, we haven’t thought this through.

Either way, Nadya Suleman should hurry up and get the Octomom trademarked while she still can. Because before too long, a woman’s bound to have nine babies at once. And as soon as Nonomom hits the scene, all Suleman’s hard work will be for nothing.

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