The Simpsons Movie is released next week, and The Simpsons Movie hype machine is doing its best to ensure that every single section of society knows about it – especially the section of society marked ‘outraged beardy rain magic pagans’.

Because – while the majority of people can’t contain their excitement over seeing if The Simpsons Movie is good like The Simpsons used to be or a bit disappointing like The Simpsons is now – the pagans of the world are genuinely grouping together to cast a rain spell to destroy The Simpsons Movie. Well, not The Simpsons Movie per se, but a giant 180ft painting of Homer Simpson in his underwear that’s turned up next to the Cerne Abbas giant – the famous hill carving of a man with his cock out that doubles up as a pagan fertility symbol. It’s not the sacrilegious cartoon mocking their ancient artifact that galls the pagans the most, though – they’d much rather prefer it was one of the Transformers is all.