There have been two main reactions to the news that Pamela Anderson is going to marry Rick Salomon – first was a giant global shudder at the prospect of an Anderson/ Salomon internet sex tape, and second was a whole lot of confusion.
"Why is Pamela Anderson getting married to Rick Salomon?" the world asked. Is it because Pamela Anderson and Rick Salomon share a love of promoting animal welfare, long countryside walks and graphically shagging other people on the internet? Or is it, as some are suggesting, that Rick Salomon has knocked Pamela Anderson up and she wants to get married before the baby bump gets too big? OK! Magazine is claiming that Pamela Anderson could be pregnant with Rick Salomon's baby – something that we can all agree is a beautiful thing, right up until the moment when Pamela and Rick decide to bring a tub of lube, a latex Santa outfit and a handheld camcorder to their kid's first school Career Day.
It's a little bit hard to absorb the enormity of Pamela Anderson and Rick Salomon getting married. On one side is Pamela Anderson, the woman who single-handedly started the internet celebrity sex tape phenomenon by sucking off Tommy Lee on a boat and filming it; and on the other is Rick Salomon, the male star of Paris Hilton's sex tape. It's hard to know how news of a Pamela Anderson/ Rick Salomon marriage can ever be topped in terms of amateur pornstars getting hitched – possibly if Fred Durst decides to get married to Colin Farrell. We just don't know.
But, for whatever reason, Pamela Anderson is getting married to Rick Salomon, and the two of them have been granted a Las Vegas wedding license. But if Pamela Anderson and Rick Salomon are the Gatekeeper and Keymaster of confusingly successful amateur internet pornography, then there's a distinct possibility that Pamela Anderson has been impregnated with the confusingly successful amateur internet pornography Stay Puft Marshmallow Man. Basically there's a good chance that Pamela Anderson is only getting married because she's pregnant. OK! reports:
While many have chalked up the news of Pam Anderson and "poker player" Rick Salomon's bizarre almost-wedding in Las Vegas (they filed for a marriage license, but as yet have not walked down the aisle) to her whimsical nature, OK! is hearing that there may be a bigger reason for the pair to get hitched — a baby! "She definitely looks like she's got a bit of a bump," one source tells OK!. "And this wouldn't be the first time Pam has rushed off to get married because there's a baby coming."
OK, so there's every chance that Pamela Anderson isn't pregnant and that she's just marrying Rick Salomon out of nothing but love. But, as OK! stated, Pamela Anderson has a habit of marrying men because she might be pregnant – after Pamela Anderson got married to Kid Rock all those times last year she hinted that she was probably pregnant. And then, less than a fortnight after she apparently miscarried, Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock split up. This could be a case of history repeating itself, but we're not so sure.
Because if Pamela Anderson is marrying Rick Salomon simply because she's pregnant, she's almost certainly doing it for the wrong reasons – and not even the most kindhearted commentator would be able to see the marriage lasting a serious amount of time. But mainly we're praying that Pamela Anderson isn't pregnant with Rick Salomon's baby because we're pretty sure that if Rick decides to film the birth of Pamela's baby, the sight of a vagina through a viewfinder will cause a temporary flashback resulting in him starting to disturbingly hump away at it until the midwives manage to sedate him.
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