Throughout this interminable Chris Brown/ Rihanna kerfuffle, one person has been keeping mysteriously quiet.
Chris Brown? No. Rihanna? Nope. We’re talking, obviously, about Gayle King. Oh, you know, Gayle King. She’s famous for being friends with Oprah Winfrey and… no, actually that’s it. Gayle King is only famous for being friends with Oprah Winfrey.
But now, finally, Gayle King has decided to step forward to share her oracle-like wisdom on the Chris Brown arrest with the world. And what does Gayle King – in all her infinite knowledge – think? She thinks that hitting women is wrong. OK, thanks Gayle. You can go now.
We told you that this Chris Brown thing was going to trundle on forever, didn’t we? The worst thing is, we’re not even a fraction of the way through it yet.
Yes, Chris Brown may have been arrested for allegedly beating up Rihanna, and he may have also sort of apologised for it, but we’ve still got to hear Rihanna’s side of the story. And there’s the possibility of a criminal trial. And the possibility of Chris Brown’s first prison bumming. We’ll all be here forever at this rate.
However, the good news is that this whole Chris Brown malarkey has peaked in terms of importance. Because it doesn’t matter what happens from here – nothing will have the globe-trembling consequence of yesterday’s incident. That’s right – someone who Oprah Winfrey knows yesterday decided to share her thoughts on the matter.
If you know Oprah Winfrey, you’ll know Gayle King. That’s because Gayle and Oprah are tight. They’re so tight that Oprah keeps inexplicably trying to make Gayle famous, even though she’s got all the charisma of a damp sock. They’re so tight that, even though they’re definitely not, they might be lesbians. They’re so tight, in fact, that Gayle King clearly thinks she has a deep connection to the Chris Brown/ Rihanna case just because she shares the same sort of genitals as at least one of the main characters.
So what does Gayle King make of Chris Brown’s apology? Extra has more:
“Right now I can’t think of anything that makes me support anything that Chris Brown is saying at this time. And my heart just aches for Rihanna.”
Incidentally, we feel we should point out that Gayle King’s opinion isn’t necessarily the same as Oprah Winfrey’s opinion. For all we know, Oprah Winfrey really enjoys choking young girls into unconsciousness during arguments. She probably doesn’t, but we won’t pretend that it isn’t a possibility.
Still, though, at least this outburst by Gayle King will have made everything else easier for Chris Brown to deal with. Whatever may happen to him in the future – prison, professional ruin, poverty, being negatively played by Laurence Fishburne in a dramatic Rihanna biopic to be filmed several decades from now – nothing is going to sting quite as much as being told that the woman who follows Oprah Winfrey around all the time doesn’t really like him very much. Our heart bleeds for him.
chris browns number 1 fan says
i love chirs brown, and everyone should stop blaming him and leave him alone cos theres two sides to every stories and everyone makes mistakes.
Shooty* says
Laurence Fishburne? Hmmmm…. Dwayne Dibley, perhaps, from the fantastic photo you keep using of him.
Are we keeping a compendium of comments from Chris Brown fans, by the way? Could be a good feature to roll out on the anniversary/ criminal conviction/ etc?
Stuart Heritage says
No need, Rob. They all sing in my heart so loudly that I don’t need to write them down.
HT says
Oooh that is a fantastic idea! I can see it now: “N0 apologyzz – Teh Intarnet an Chirs Brown vs Heklerspray”.
JoeMomma says
Who’s Chris Brown?
brianboi says
who the hell gives a shiz what KING said. and you know we hav never hurd from RIRI at this point or really brown eather. who’s to say what really went down. maybe riri brought it on her self. not that im saying its ever ok to put your hands on a woman, but you know how it is when someone be it male or female keeps on pushing!!!
JoeMomma says
Now I know, he’s a spokesman for teenage literacy.
Jasmine says
UM WELL DIS SITUATION IS OLD SO PLEASE DO US ALL DA DAMN FAVOR AND 4GET IT!!!! ITS POINTLESS NOW AND DONT NOBODY CARE WAT GAYLE SAYS..WHO DA HELL IZ SHE? A NOBODY RITE…
tyler says
wat the fuck she hurt him more than her so fuck that
Lynne says
Who ever wrote this fucking article is an asshole. To say that domestic violence, or the important responses to it are not important is the problem with this apathetic world today. Nobody’s career is ever more important than their behavior towards other HUMAN BEINGS. I seriously hope Chris Brown’s career suffers because of this. And I do not believe his so called apology is sincere. He did not ALLEGEDLY attack Rihanna either. He flat out ATTACKED her.
Persin says
What a ridiculous article: it is completely irrelevant what you think about Gayle King or what she thinks about the incident. This time of reporting makes celebrities hate the media. It’s also a bad attempt at making people care about an irrelevant story. Good job.
HT says
@JoeMomma That was funny. I shall quote you.
rochelle308 says
Wow, I think the writer is hateing on the wrong one. At least she is taking a stand on the situation when everyone else keeps quiet. What Chris Brown did is no way, shape or form acceptable.
Joke Police says
I think it is acceptable in a shape. Not a way or a form though.
Well done rochelle308 – yours was the only one of the Recent Comments relating to Chris Brown. How times change.
Shooty* says
This is my favourite post of recent days:
“UM WELL DIS SITUATION IS OLD SO PLEASE DO US ALL DA DAMN FAVOR AND 4GET IT!!!! ITS POINTLESS NOW AND DONT NOBODY CARE WAT GAYLE SAYS..WHO DA HELL IZ SHE? A NOBODY RITE
**maria ** says
all i have to say is i <3 Chris Brown but what he did was wrong. i cant dream to see my booooooooooo !!!!!!! giving rihanna all these cuts. all i know is his careeeeeeeeeeer is over. he was about to be the next usher now i guest its Ne-yo’s time to shine (to be the new usher. rihanna looks horible.im so sorry for her.*******************************************
Joke Police says
Is **maria ** related to StuFan#1?
Rilzy says
‘We don’t know what happened’
Stop me when we get to a gray area okay?
Chris Brown smacked Rihanna upside down her face and left her with injuries?
Yes?
Well what do you know? We know what happened. Because in the world I live in — apparently quite different from whatever world you live in – it is not okay to resort to violence involving someone weaker than you, no matter the provocation – imagined or real. It’s like having all those seventh graders attacking second graders who irritated them.
‘Everyone makes mistakes’
I figure that maybe we should use that excuse for everything: you know rape, murder, infanticide.
Yes, let’s all forgive Chris Brown and let’s all forget that this has ever happened because we all make mistakes.
your daddy says
What dumb fuck wrote this article? You got a problem with somebody defending rihanna? Well thanks for letting the world know what a coward you are too. Maybe you and the rest of the woman haters can go have a beat off party to some battered women pictures. Oops I forgot you aint got nothin to beat, except maybe some woman. Sorry bastard.
Gayles so Boring says
Dear gods, the poor woman (Gayle King) cannot even pronounce “carotid” …. as in carotid artery. When she’s reading it directly in front of her.
Then pronouncing what SHE is telling us what she can and cannot live without regarding someone else’s relationship. Sigh.
Gayle. GAYLE. The only reason you are on television is because Oprah befriended you years ago. GET A CLUE!