Chris Brown? No. Rihanna? Nope. We’re talking, obviously, about Gayle King. Oh, you know, Gayle King. She’s famous for being friends with Oprah Winfrey and… no, actually that’s it. Gayle King is only famous for being friends with Oprah Winfrey.
But now, finally, Gayle King has decided to step forward to share her oracle-like wisdom on the Chris Brown arrest with the world. And what does Gayle King – in all her infinite knowledge – think? She thinks that hitting women is wrong. OK, thanks Gayle. You can go now.
We told you that this Chris Brown thing was going to trundle on forever, didn’t we? The worst thing is, we’re not even a fraction of the way through it yet.
Yes, Chris Brown may have been arrested for allegedly beating up Rihanna, and he may have also sort of apologised for it, but we’ve still got to hear Rihanna’s side of the story. And there’s the possibility of a criminal trial. And the possibility of Chris Brown’s first prison bumming. We’ll all be here forever at this rate.
However, the good news is that this whole Chris Brown malarkey has peaked in terms of importance. Because it doesn’t matter what happens from here – nothing will have the globe-trembling consequence of yesterday’s incident. That’s right – someone who Oprah Winfrey knows yesterday decided to share her thoughts on the matter.
If you know Oprah Winfrey, you’ll know Gayle King. That’s because Gayle and Oprah are tight. They’re so tight that Oprah keeps inexplicably trying to make Gayle famous, even though she’s got all the charisma of a damp sock. They’re so tight that, even though they’re definitely not, they might be lesbians. They’re so tight, in fact, that Gayle King clearly thinks she has a deep connection to the Chris Brown/ Rihanna case just because she shares the same sort of genitals as at least one of the main characters.
So what does Gayle King make of Chris Brown’s apology? Extra has more:
“Right now I can’t think of anything that makes me support anything that Chris Brown is saying at this time. And my heart just aches for Rihanna.”
Incidentally, we feel we should point out that Gayle King’s opinion isn’t necessarily the same as Oprah Winfrey’s opinion. For all we know, Oprah Winfrey really enjoys choking young girls into unconsciousness during arguments. She probably doesn’t, but we won’t pretend that it isn’t a possibility.
Still, though, at least this outburst by Gayle King will have made everything else easier for Chris Brown to deal with. Whatever may happen to him in the future – prison, professional ruin, poverty, being negatively played by Laurence Fishburne in a dramatic Rihanna biopic to be filmed several decades from now – nothing is going to sting quite as much as being told that the woman who follows Oprah Winfrey around all the time doesn’t really like him very much. Our heart bleeds for him.