Now We Know Why Dwyane Wade Bought Gabrielle Union Such A Massive Rock

DGabrielle Union Dwyane Wadewyane Wade just bought new fiancée Gabrielle Union an almost obnoxious sized 8.5 carat ring to finally make an honest woman out of her after quite a few years of dating.  While originally it just seemed like rich people showing off what dropping a ball into a basket money can buy (aka, a LOT), it has now been revealed that the over the top size may also be because the ring is a groveling gesture.

Because when it comes out that a newly engaged man is the father of a newborn child, and the mother is not the woman he’s been with for the better part of 4 years, we know someone is in a shit ton of trouble.  Although, if that woman is also part of the reason your first marriage combusted, is it kind of like karmic retribution?

Dwyane Wade has been with Gabrielle Union since 2009.   Stories vary on when exactly they got together.  If you ask Wade’s ex wife, Siohvaughn Funches, it was while they were separated but working on their marriage and still banging a ton.  A lot of other people say the same thing.  If you ask Wade or Union of course, Wade a totally free man when she started dropping her panties for him.  Which means nothing because no one is going to freely say “Yes, we started banging when I was still with my wife!”  Homewreckers also do not tend to make successful actresses (exception being Angelina Jolie, but that bitch has got some serious voodoo magic over Hollywood).

Anyway, here we are 4 years later and Wade finally decided to put a ring on it.  Before the engagement cake could even be ordered, it came out that Wade fathered a son that was now about 6 weeks old.  Let’s do a little math here.  9 months of pregnancy + 6 weeks of life – Not the fiancée’s child = Dude was fucking someone who was NOT his long term chick.   Now, I have got to believe that Union knew of this child before the whole world did, which makes the timing of the engagement, and the humungous size of the rock, very suspicious.

Wade has made a statement confirming that his sperm still works, but gave the good old Ross Geller excuse as to why it was totally okay and not at all fucked up.

 “I had a time, a part in our break, in our pain and our hurt, a blessing came out of it in my life, having a son that was born healthy.  So I’m moving on.”

Aww, the old “WE WERE ON A BREAK!” excuse. Classic and ridiculous all at the same time!

Now, the funny thing is that a bunch of people with too much time on their hands are pointing out that when this baby would have been conceived, Union and Wade most certainly did not appear to be on any sort of break.  The weeks, and even days, around when it would have happened show the two of them posting sappy shit on Instagram, Twitter messages, paparazzi shots.  Sounds to me like someone just let his dick out to play ball in another woman’s court, and got caught because some lack the basic skill of putting a condom on.

This isn’t the first time Wade has been rumored to have stepped out on Union.  There are quite a few people who said the two have a somewhat open relationship (aka- Dwyane can stick it where he wants as long as he is quiet about it) and Union is fully aware of this.  Another big rumor on the mill is that Union herself was (possibly still is) a routine member of Will and Jada Smith’s swinging parties, so it seems super plausible that she’d be down with Wade’s down low creeping.  I imagine though that Wade being stupid enough to knock a broad up though changes the game plan quite a bit.

So enjoy your apology rock, Union.  It seems the two of you are going to have such a healthy, trustful relationship based on mutual respect and a strong belief in the institution of marriage.

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  1. Gwen Penn says

    Sounds to me the writer of this story is jealous. Seems you know a lot about them, what’s your relationship status?