Something odd is happening – the Eurovision Song Contest is starting to become cool again. Only cool in the sense that a couple of middle-aged past-their-prime popstars suddenly want to write Eurovision songs, mind, but that's still an improvement.
After it was rumoured that miserable 1980s warbler Morrissey was in talks to write and possibly perform the UK entry for Eurovision 2007, miserable 1990s warbler Jarvis Cocker has now announced that he wants to write and possibly perform the UK entry for Eurovision 2008. Fingers crossed that this Eurovision Britpop revival continues just like this; after Morrissey and Jarvis Cocker, we want to see the Eurovision 2009 UK entry performed by the effing bassist out of Sleeper or something.
The Eurovision Song Contest has a proud tradition of being the launchpad for all sorts of big names. Serge Gainsbourg, Abba, Celine Dion, Gina G, Greek 1987 tenth-place overlords Bang… the list goes on and on. Even today, Eurovision attracts performers from all walks of life, from creepy men rapping about schoolgirls to Croatian internet pornstars, from Portuguese duos named after a particularly interesting type of pencil to harrowing disco cowboys. And now to that list we can add archly miserable British songwriters as well.
Just last week it was revealed that Morrissey wants to represent the UK at Eurovision 2007 where – in a bid to stop Europe voting against us – he will sing a song so universally depressing that millions of people will instinctively start jabbing their telephones into their eyes instead casting votes with them. And Morrissey wanting to do Eurovision has kickstarted an avalanche of inspiration. A tiny avalanche featuring Jarvis Cocker out of Pulp and nobody else, but an avalanche nonetheless. According to AngryApe, Jarvis Cocker thinks he can write a song half as good as We Are The Winners by LT United:
Jarvis Cocker has shown an interest in writing Britain's entry for the Eurovision Song Contest, in a recent interview with BBC Five Live… Cocker said: "I'm not going to compete with Mozzer (Morrissey) if he's going to do it. I'm sure he'll write something good." The former Pulp frontman then added: "The door is always open if they want to ask me. I've always wanted to write one for them. Maybe I'll do it next year."
Morrissey and Jarvis Cocker for Eurovision? It's just like one great big Nancy Sinatra album. Jarvis Cocker, of course, knows all about writing for others – his songs appeared on Marianne Faithful albums and the last Harry Potter movie for two whole seconds – plus, since he now lives in France Jarvis will be more naturally attuned to what's popular on mainland Europe. But we see where this is going, and we don't like it. A wise man once said "Where Morrissey and Jarvis Cocker go, Alex James Out Of Blur will follow," and we still remember that awful WigWam song too clearly to ever let that happen.
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Kerry Heppes says
Quite right too – Jarvis has the British attitude and the Euro style to propel him to victory. Except nobody would vote for the UK even if The Beatles reunited because it’s all so political
Gilbert Wham says
I doubt it is even possible to write a better eurovision entry than ‘we are the winners’. I doubt either of those ponces could do it. Possibly Lemmy, but not Cocker or Mozza.