Now Britney Spears Wants To Rap Like Kevin

Here at hecklerspray, we firmly believe in life’s little rules, like “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it." Take the lovely Britney Spears, for example. All the way through her pop career she’s donned lots of skimpy outfits, such as the happy-go-lucky school girl, the pleather catsuit and that old faithful, the air hostess.

This - along with pumping out babies like an out-of-control flesh factory - is very obviously what Britney Spears is good at. Singing, a bit less so. Rapping in a way that makes Kevin Federline sound like Chuck D on her new album - much, much less so. And guess which one of these Britney Spears is actually going to do.

In the past, the glorious outfits of Britney Spears disguised her screeching. If we're honest, there's been the odd moment in the hecklerspray office when nobody's been around. We’ve popped in a CD and had a bit of a singalong to I’m A Slave For You. Needless to say, it helps that we've memorised all of her dance steps from the Mickey Mouse Club onwards. 

Unfortunately, Britney Spears has been unable to produce any poptastic tracks for us, as she’s been pregnant for the last two or so years. But not any more - she’s recently popped out another sprog with another stupid name to an equally stupid-looking bloke called Kevin Federline. Even though Kevin couldn't rap so save his life, the poor kid still battles on, so we salute him for trying. As you’ll all remember he’s even trying to tempt you to buy his album by offering you a chance to win his shoes. Wow. 

But disturbing new details about Britney Spears have come to our attention. You may have heard the stories of Britney Spears laughing her ass off at her hubby’s rap efforts. Laughing, yes. Getting the message, no. According to reports, Britney herself is attempting to… this actually pains us to say it… rap. 

Yes apparently so. According to producers, Britney Spears is working on her new album with 50 Cent's producer Jonathan 'JR' Rotem. 50 Cent’s producers! Does that mean Britney Spears will be going down the gangsta rap route? Will she be spending her new album shooting up rival pimps and swigging Champagne? Hmm, we wonder. Confusingly, though, Britney Spears won't actually be rapping when she's rapping. Here's what Rotem told MTV:

"Not 'rap' rap, but talk rap. With songs like Toxic she was very innovative, and we're trying to top it. Push it to the next thing. How can we make the type of music where the people are gonna go, 'Woah, what's that?'. There some dance stuff, there's some slow, more introspective stuff; some club things."

Will Britney pull off her new rap direction? We’re not sure but it’ll either work really well or die on its arse. We think the latter. 

Read more:

Britney Spears Raps On New Album - NME 

[story by Matthew Laidlow]