When I found out that Kim Kardashian and Kanye West had made the cover of Vogue, I was ecstatic. Unlike my spirit animal celebrity, Sarah Michelle Gellar, who was disgusted by that shit, I couldn’t wait to see what kind of fuckery Kimye would be up to in the pages of Vogue.
However, now that I’ve seen the pics, I’m amazingly not blown away by any of the “intimate” pics of Kim and Kanye. I’m not even amazed by the one creepy, insane picture of Kris Kardashian. No, if anyone stole this shit show it was baby North West, who, in every single picture, looks like she is pleading with photographer, Annie Lebowitz, to get her out of this train wreck of a family. That child is OVER IT!
When it comes to Kanye and Kim, two of the biggest, most extravagant lunatics in the game, I figured they would’ve taken full advantage of their spread in Vogue and taken shit to a whole new level of self-indulgant insanity. I was expecting pictures of a naked Kim, spray painted gold with diamonds strategically placed over her lady parts while she breast-fed North West, who would be dressed as a unicorn, all while Kanye was stretched out behind them on a leather cross wearing a gold crown of thorns. I mean, I was expecting some real intense “art” shit, but I didn’t get that at all.
In fact, aside from the fact that in every picture North West looks like she fucking hates every minute she spends with her family, this photoshoot is as boring as the last few episodes of The Walking Dead (AM I RIGHT?!)
The best picture of all is the one where Kris Jenner makes a cameo (because OF COURSE SHE DOES) and makes this terrifying face while holding baby North:
Poor North looks genuinely terrified, not that I can blame her. After this Vogue spread, I’m about two minutes away from making T-Shirts that say “Free North West” because that baby obviously wants out of this insanity.