Oasis have been going for nearly two decades, and along the way you do have to give them some sort of credit.
Instead of years of artistic exploration, they just decided to release their best album first and continue to bill new releases as ?the best thing since sliced Definitely Maybe?. Only to disappoint every time.
Last year Oasis released their seventh studio album Dig Out Your Soul. To be fair, it did have its moments but nothing that pushed the creative boundaries. This obviously proved to push one man to dig out his anger by attacking Noel Gallagher when Oasis performed in Canada.
Because everyone in the world spends more time recording grainy footage on their phones than paying attention to gigs they pay over the odds for, the comedy attack on Noel Gallagher was captured on video. During a performance of Morning Glory, 47-year-old Daniel Sullivan crept onstage and gave the main force behind Oasis a good pasting.
Unless the attacker was extremely powerful, or Noel Gallagher doesn't consume enough dairy products in his rock n roll lifestyle to produce strong and healthy bones, Noel fell to the floor and broke several ribs. But not enough for a local Chinese restaurant to extract them and create a special one-off Oasis spare rib dish with Mancunian sauce.
Because the incident was captured on video for the world to gawp at, the charge assault was brought against Sullivan. The video – which makes him an internet celebrity alongside Star Wars kid, the strange Leave Britney Alone guy and the fat man who dances to Romanian pop songs – sadly did nothing to stop the authorities bring extra charges against him.
This extra charge? Aggravated assault! We know, we aren't completely sure either, but the NME confirms the grim news. Surely the charges should be dropped as he did the public a great service by twatting a loud-mouth bloke from Manchester who complains about everything. No?
Maybe the chords weren't right when Don't Look Back In Anger was played? Or perhaps Sullivan was sick of hearing about a band whose career wouldn't have developed if it wasn?t for high profile spats with Blur, threatening to split up every other year, getting pissed at every opportunity, randomly having a go at other supposed famous people and sacking band members every four and a half minutes?
We don't know, but when court day comes, we're going to stand outside the courthouse with banners and party food to hopefully celebrate the judge?s decision to not bang him up for 14 years. At the moment that is the sentence hanging over his head. All because Noel Gallagher couldn't live up to his hardman image.
Like Michael Jackson‘s kiddie touching case, we?ll release an army of doves if Daniel Sullivan is found innocent.
Though with a credit crunch we may have to do with AIDS-ridden seagulls instead. Just don't tell anyone. OK?
Jordan says
Fuckin idiot who ever wrote this! Oasis career would not have taken off if it wasnt for the fights with blur…………?????????? You are a moron and should find a new hobyy other then writing, or atleast not put ur stupid thoughts into the story. They guy deserves to be locked up.
Then you say Noel gallagher couldnt live up to his hard image… are you fucking kidding me, if anyone gets pushed from behind completly unexpectingly, espeacially while playing guitar, their going to go down.
Dave in Mass says
I am sorry to announce to you a cold, hard truth: Matthew Laidlow is NOT, I repeat NOT funny at all. He may be an OK writer for this type of venue. But his article re: Oasis is embarrassing. He obviously does very little ‘research’ into his topic before he spouts off in his articles etc.
magnetite says
I beg to differ, Dave. Mr. Laidlow and the HS staff are all consistently witty and clever-cloggy. Also I can’t believe you’re surfing the net during Mass. That’s just terrible. If I saw you doing that during Mass, I’d have to stop having a surreptitious wank long enough to berate you soundly for your disrespect.
Then I’d go back to knocking one out over the Blessed Virgin again. Not literally over her, of course. What do you think I am. Sick?
Julian Mentat says
>> “not put ur stupid thoughts into the story”
Let’s get this straight. You are unable to spell a 4-letter word and yet you call someone else stupid?
Lanny Fisher says
I hate the Gallaghers as much as the next guy, but they certainly do not deserve to be physically attacked, especially by some cowardly idiot who attacks a vulnerable person while they’re playing guitar. Let’s change the setting, and assume you’re in a music store, you see some guy trying a guitar out, and then you run at him and pounce on him sending him into some monitors, breaking his ribs. Everyone in the music store would be shocked, angry and dumbfounded, and they’d want to see the attacker get a long time in jail. The same should apply in this case. I hope he gets at least a couple of years in jail, if not more.