What do you give the man who has everything? How about a couple of notebooks stuffed with the handwritten notes of a chemically-enhanced star of soft porn describing exactly how bummed out she is that her cat got run over? No?
We don't blame you, either. And nor do we blame all the people who specifically didn't buy two of Anna Nicole Smith's diaries from the 1990s at auction this weekend. Despite the promise of reading Anna Nicole Smith's Jesus rants and oddball explanations about how her in-laws were going to murder her elderly billionaire husband, not a single person wanted to buy Anna Nicole's diaries. This might have something to do with allegations that the diaries were stolen, but it's most probably because $200,000 seems like an awful lot of money to spend on a couple of notebooks containing the phrase "today I feel sad" written in a childlike scrawl 750 times in a row.
When Anna Nicole Smith was alive, people were only interested in her tits, the contents of her stomach and the occasional splash of DNA. But now Anna Nicole Smith is brown bread, nothing Anna Nicole Smith-related is too small or mundane to be interesting. Or at least that's what we thought.
Sure, there'll soon be an opportunistic Willa Ford-starring Anna Nicole Smith film – and possible Larry Birkhead-sanctioned stageplay called Goodnight My Sweet Anna Baby – but when it comes to reading the exact things that Anna Nicole Smith was thinking 15 and 13 years before she died direct from her brain, the public draws the line, shrugs and goes home without giving her a second thought.
The icky Anna Nicole Smith diary auction that was being held at the weekend was a complete failure, with nobody at all prepared to stump up the $200,000 being asked for both books. There were a couple of interested parties, says Doug Norwine of the Heritage Auction Galleries in Dallas, but they pulled out because they realised that even lobotomised, sensory-deprived bumblebees are capable of being more profound than Anna Nicole Smith at her very deepest. Or they were scared off by Howard K Stern's claims that the diaries were stolen. Or something. ABC reports:
"We have a buy-it-now situation," said Doug Norwine, the director of music and entertainment memorabilia at Heritage Auction Galleries of Dallas. There were at least two bidders on the diaries, but both pulled out of the auction that ended Saturday. Among their concerns were allegations by Smith's lawyer-turned-partner, Howard K. Stern, that the diaries had been stolen and should be returned to her estate, Norwine said. "They just got cold feet," he said.
That "buy-it-now situation" means that the diaries are now available for $25,000 a pop – which is a bargain for anyone who wants to know exactly how Anna Nicole Smith felt when she had her nails done on June 16th 1992. A bargain, we tells you.
Read more:
2 Pull Bids For Anna Nicole Diaries – ABC
Shiver says
Good for the “public”. I’m actually quite shocked. i honestly thought they’d be chomping at the bit over these things.
Hell, who wants Anna Nicole Smith’s diaries when they could have the shorn hair of a derainged pop star? Right?