The American Music Awards took place last night in Los Angeles, and proved to be a perfect chance to show that America is just as gormless as any other country you can think of.

Presented by Tiger Woods PGA Tour 2004 secret unlockable character Cedric The Entertainer, The American Music Awards honoured the most brain-crackingly obvious array of artists you could think of. Mariah Carey, Green Day, Will Smith, Black Eyed Peas and R Kelly all took awards home, just like you probably thought they would. But what did you expect of a ceremony that still considers Coldplay to be ‘alternative’?

The American Music Awards were supposed to be the jewel in the crown
of Mariah Carey’s (CDs) comeback year. After a few years of being a wibbling
maniac, Mariah brought out her CD The Emancipation Of Mimi this year
and – although it’s still pretty lame – lots of people bought it. Maybe
her ‘dancing with the brown kids’ performance at Live 8 helped, who
knows? She also scooped a heap of trophies at this year’s disappointingly stab-free Vibe Awards.

Going into the American Music Awards with four nominations, it
looked like Mariah Carey was going to complete her Renaissance year
with yet another haul of statues to celebrate her wailing. But it
wasn’t to be. Mariah was beaten in the category for Favourite Female
Artist by Gwen Stefani – who wasn’t even sure what award she’d been
given in her acceptance speech, beaten in the Favourite Album category
by Green Day and beaten in the Favourite R&B Album category by
Destiny’s Child. In the end, Mariah only limped away with an award for
Favourite Female R&B Artist.

In fact, the only performers who won more than one trophy at the
American Music Awards were Destiny’s Child – who aren’t even together
any more and just sent Kelly Rowland along, Black Eyes Peas – who
always do quite well out of this type of thing, and Tim McGraw – some
kind of whiny cowboy or something.

The American Music Awards are tellingly chosen by the public from a
shortlist of nominees picked because of radio airplay and record sales.
Here’s the full list of American Music Awards winners:

Pop/Rock:
Favourite Male Artist – Will Smith
Favourite Female Artist – Gwen Stefani
Favourite Band, Duo Or Group – Black Eyed Peas
Favourite Album – American Idiot (Green Day)

Soul/Rhythm & Blues:
Favourite Male Artist – R Kelly
Favourite Female Artist – Mariah Carey
Favourite Band, Duo Or Group – Destiny’s Child
Favourite Album – Destiny Fulfilled (Destiny’s Child)

Country:
Favourite Male Artist - Tim McGraw

Favourite Female Artist - Gretchen Wilson

Favourite Band, Duo Or Group - Brooks & Dunn
Favourite Album – Live Like You Were Dying (Tim McGraw)

Rap/Hip-Hop:
Favourite Male Artist - Eminem

Favourite Female Artist – Missy Elliot

Favourite Band, Duo Or Group – Black Eyed Peas

Favourite Album – The Massacre (50 Cent)

Adult Contemporary:
Favourite Artist – Kelly Clarkson

Latin Music:
Favourite Artist – Shakira

Alternative Music:
Favourite Artist – Coldplay

Contemporary Inspirational
Favourite Artist – Mary Mary

Breakthrough:
Favourite New Artist – Sugarland

Contemporary Inspirational? Ugh.

Read more:

Mariah Carey snubbed at American Music Awards – Reuters

[story by Stuart Heritage]