When historians look back on 2009, beyond the wars and the recessions, they’ll see that it was a good year for music.
Actually, that’s a lie. They’ll see that it was a terrible year for music. But at least it was a good year for music awards shows. So far we’ve had Kanye West breaking Taylor Swift‘s heart in front of the world at the MTV VMAs and, even better, a full-on gay kiss and Michael Jackson winning all sorts of stuff he wasn’t qualified for at the AMAs. Top that, Grammys.
What’s that? You can’t? You’re just going to nominate Beyonce, Taylor Swift and the Black Eyed Peas for everything and then slink off into the background? Oh, OK.
All music awards shows have their particular little quirks – the MTV VMAs like to provoke controversy, the People’s Choice Awards is the only show voted for by the sub-literate and the Brits is where you go if you want to see a nervous, under-rehearsed comedian dying on his arse in front of thousands of disinterested industry bigwigs – and that goes for the Grammys, too. What’s the USP of the Grammys? Length.
Everything about the Grammys is too long. The speeches, the performances, the lecture on why illegal downloading is bad, the balding ponytails of the record label CEOs – it’s all an interminable slog designed specifically to make anyone who makes it all the way through feel simultaneously elated and completely depressed. And that goes for the Grammy nominations show, too, which is just like the Grammys except nobody wins anything and there isn’t any elation when its finished.
The Grammy nominations took place yesterday, and all the headlines seem to revolve around the acts who pulled in the most amount of nods. The New York Daily News reports:
Beyonce’s great big booty ruled this year’s Grammy nominations. The rump-happy star earned ten nods Wednesday night, nudging ahead of the year’s second most celebrated contender: Nashville-based cutie Taylor Swift, who nabbed eight. The top stars in play also included the Black Eyed Peas, neo-soul singer Maxwell, and Kanye West, each of whom garnered six bids.
Great – Beyonce, Taylor Swift and Kanye West get to be in the same room together again. We can’t imagine how that’ll turn out. And the Black Eyed Peas were always going to get a load of Grammy nominations, because they’re always nominated for everything, even though they’re awful. But Maxwell? Maxwell? Maxwell from the mid-1990s? Maxwell from no songs we can remember? Is he still around? Weird.
But it’s important to remember that a show as gargantuan as the Grammys can’t just give everything to a handful of acts. The Grammys celebrate music as a whole. So outside of this circle, who else has been nominated for one of these prestigious little awards?
The Ting Tings? Christ.