At outdoor music festivals, anything goes. To drive that point home for folks who might not understand, at Bonnaroo we burned a port-a-potty, at Coachella we tipped a port-o-potty, and at Sasquatch we were sitting in a port-o-potty while someone tipped and burned it. Stupid hippies – you don't do that when someone inside is so terrified and scared!

But you know what? We don't hold it against that stupid hippy though, because he was our dad, and there was probably a lesson to be learned in there somewhere. And he was sticking it to the man, you dig? The man, after all, is the one who charges those outrageous ticket prices on purpose, and tells all the food servers to refuse to cut your crust off no matter whose mother you verbally defile.

The man's days are numbered though – Ozzy Osbourne said so. Because Osbourne is about to have free admission to Ozzfest. It's not the first hundred people are free, and it's not the tenth caller gets in free – it's admission is free. For everyone. Pardon us if you will, while we desperately look for some way to mock that out of obligation and habit.

Christopher Walken's possible future role just got a lot more depth, because Ozzy Osbourne has done something unprecedented. Rock n' Roll's favorite cripple apparently has no handicap in his head at all. Sure, Ozzy Osbourne shakes a lot on the outside, but in his skull he's  got a well-oiled thinker with a heavy concern for the little man. Osbourne is sick of music festival's admission prices getting jacked way up every year, and he's putting his unstable foot down. He describes his thought process like this:

"For the last few years, ticket prices have steadily climbed as artists demand more and more money for summer tours. We certainly want everybody to make money; however, we also want the kids to be able to afford to come out and have an incredible experience. If we continued with the traditional touring festival model, we would have no choice but to raise ticket prices again this year."

Ozzy's answer to the regular kids being able to attend, as we already said, is to make admission absolutely free. Sponsors are going to pick up the slack. And what bands, pray tell, are gonna play at such discounted rates? Sharon Osbourne says:

"We have bands committed, but we're hoping that after today's announcement, we'll have a whole influx of artists who want to be a part of something this groundbreaking."

Sounds like nobody's lined up yet. Fancy that. We're sure plenty of bands will jump on board though. Hey brain storm – that John Lennon guy likes doing stuff for the people. You guys should try his band. What were they called? The plastic wife band or something?

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Ozzfest for free? – Toronto Star