A sequel to Trainspotting – the film about how cool it is to shit in your bed, swim down bogs and take enough heroin for Dale Winton to start discussing illness on TV while a dead baby crawls across the ceiling – has long been rumoured.
But one thing's for certain – Ewan McGregor absolutely doesn't want to star in a movie adaptation of Porno, the sequel novel to Trainspotting, no matter what he's offered. This is completely because Ewan McGregor read Porno and didn't like it very much and not at all because Ewan McGregor is still bitter that Danny Boyle wanted Leonardo DiCaprio to be in The Beach instead of him and now he wouldn't even be in a Danny Boyle film if Boyle paid him a trillion pounds to star as God in a movie called Ewan McGregor Is The Bestest Actor Ever. He just doesn't like the book, OK? Maybe Danny Boyle should ask Leonardo DiCaprio to be in Porno instead, since he's so flipping good at acting. Cuh.
Although it clearly looks ridiculous now, Trainspotting was quite the hot new thing when it arrived in cinemas eleven years ago, and it wasn't an uncommon sight to see skinny kids rushing out of the multiplexes and immediately trying to buy heroin from the first person they saw because Trainspotting just made it look so darn cool. And literally everyone who was in Trainspotting has now gone on to become a thousand times more famous than they were before. People like Robert Carlysle, who went on to be a Bond villain; Johnny Lee Miller, who went on to star in shortlived Ray Liotta vehicle Smith; and Ewen Bremner, who went on to play the hilarious boggly-eyed policeman in the Jackie Chan Around The World In 80 Days movie.
But standing head and shoulders above them all is Ewan McGregor. Since making Trainspotting, Ewan McGregor has gone on to become a megastar, doing a rubbish accent for the Star Wars prequels, a rubbish accent for The Island, a rubbish accent for Rogue Trader and possibly a rubbish accent for Miss Potter, although we're just guessing at that last one because you'd need to put a gun to our head to make us actually watch it. But even though Ewan McGregor is much more famous than anyone else who was in Trainspotting, it'd be a jolly nice show for him to return to the little league and pay respect to his roots by reforming with the old gang and making Porno, the sequel to Trainspotting, wouldn't it?
Only that's not going to happen. Ewan McGregor – soon to be seen doing a rubbish accent in the new Woody Allen film – has decided that he'll never be in Porno because it's a crap book. The Daily Record reports:
When asked about making a film of Porno, Ewan said: "I really don't think so. I didn't really like the book as much." And he added of [Irvine] Welsh: "I thought he kind of wrote a sequel to the film in a way, instead of writing a sequel to his novel. A lot of the other characters in Trainspotting had disappeared and it seemed to be mainly about the characters in the film. I felt that it was a bit repetitive. It was more or less the same story, when he gets all the money at the end. I've always said that I loved Trainspotting so much that it would be a terrible thing to damage it by making a poor sequel. People would forget the great movie Trainspotting was."
Maybe that is the real reason why Ewan McGregor doesn't want to be in the Trainspotting sequel, or maybe it's the long-rumoured tiff between McGregor and Trainspotting director Danny Boyle, but something's stopping him. Perhaps someone could suggest that Porno could be rewritten to be based in Holland, because then that'd give Ewan McGregor a chance to rock out an appalling Dutch accent. And we all know how much he loves his shit accents.
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Georgina says
Has the author of this article actually watched Trainspotting? It’s not making drugs look cool at all. Renton sees the baby on the ceiling when trying to come off them and its the same baby that died while they’re all too high to take care of it. There’s a lot of tragedy, laced with black humour but it doesn’t promote drugs in any shape or form at all. If you have watched it I just have to ask, what crack have YOU been smoking?
Gilbert Wham says
Well, it did have scenes of people taking heroin then rolling around in ecstasy giggling and hugging each other. Which, if you’ve ever seen anyone take heroin, you will realise is clearly bollocks.
gooneruk says
Erm, a large proportion of Porno takes place in Holland, as Amsterdam is where Renton ran away to at the end of Trainspotting. Whether the character has picked up a Dutch accent is another thing entirely.
Hi5 Codes says
I actually liked that first movie… I don’t know if there could be a sequel to it though o.O
Kristen Scherer says
What a bullshit article written by a bullshit writer who clearly has not seen the movie or read either novel. Moron.
Kevin Morrison says
Clearly none of you understand sarcasm. Having that said, I can’t give any real input as I’ve only seen trainspotting and have not read either of the books. But based on what I’ve seen and read in this article, I think Ewan is right when he says that a sequel could only possibly ruin the original, as so many sequals do.
Julie says
Though you have to admit, Ewan does love his shit accents. And they are shit. Like Star Wars for example? Very nice British touch in 2 and 3, but not quite convincing. And Moulin Rouge? How did the English writer Christian, from London, adopt a Scottish accent by traveling to Paris? And Big Fish? HE sounded like Forest Gump! And Deception? I don’t even know what he was going for there. And Angels and Demons? His Italian accent was so bad Ron Howard changed his character’s name from Carlo Ventresca to Patrick McKenna to fit his voice! What the hell? Sorry, love Scottish accents, especially Ewan’s, but as good an actor as him should be able to a little better. Hell, I’m from Texas but I can do a damn good Irish, Scottish, British, or French accent way better than him, and I’m only 14! Seriously, he could put a little more effort into his work.
Bascule says
Not just Ewan’s accents that are shit. He’s turned into a right hoighty toighty little madam. As for the books, Ive read both ‘spotting and Porno and they are both good books. If anyone surrounding this article hasn’t read Porno, then I’d say it’s Ewan “I’m too sexy for this part” McGregor. He really is “our Tom Cruise”.
Saint Subversive says
The original film was to heroin what Clockwork Orange was to ultraviolence (hence the references to that film in the club scene were very appropriate). Just because the film did a great job of getting the viewer into the mindset of the protagonists (as a film must do in order to be successful) doesnt mean it’s saying go out and do heroin after the shown, anymore than Kubrick meant for people to go out and turn into droog squads.
I dont see Ewan McGregor being such a “megastar”, at least not in the US. On the other hand, the director is now an Oscar winner. Last time I looked, Ewan hasnt been nominated yet. He’s no Leonardo DiCaprio, but I would quite enjoy the irony of putting DiCaprio in the role if Ewan continues to be an ungrateful idiot for the one film that he will be remembered for, and that he owes all of his alleged “megastardom” to. I say make the film with someone else, Begbie will steal the show (again) anyway.
Richard Scott says
What can I say, but: Stuart Heritage, you’re an idiot.