Seeking a novel way of looking like an idiot? Tired of being respected and taken seriously? Sick to the back teeth of ‘dignity’ dragging down your ’self-respect’? Well, lucky, lucky, lucky you. The NME is here to save your soul…

Yes, the NME has devoted an entire feature this week to ‘this year’s must-have haircut’. And – my oh my – isn’t it just something special? Pay attention, now, boys and girls. The ‘Bloc Head’ is here.

Apparently, this is ‘not a hairstyle’. Oh, no – it’s a ‘long-term project that requires time and commitment’.

Just imagine: instead of wasting your valuable time reading those pesky books or striving to learn things, you could be devoting your every waking moment to looking like Brett Anderson had he gone to a ’special’ school.

Upon reading the article, God was reported to have ‘wept’.

Now a lifestyle magazine for sports rock afficionados, the late-lamented NME once published a review of Kelly Osbourne that started something along the lines of: ‘Kelly strode onto the stage wearing pink Converse that matched her edgy hairstyle, perfectly set off by the black t-shirt emblazoned with the a logo of love…’

So for anybody looking for a job at the NME, the advice is this: don’t bother with the once-mandatory knowledge of obscure live Stooges recordings (and the Iggy ad-libs inbetween songs) and go buy a copy of Tatler / Vogue.