Celebrity bulimia-fancier and professional good-for-nothing has recently taken the completely understandable step of banning her father, Lionel from playing at her wedding. hecklerspray understands that her fianc? Joel Madden would have enjoyed booking the ‘Hello’ singer to give them a couple of numbers at the wedding.
Unfortunately for Mr Madden (lead singer of the inexplicably successful Good Charlotte), Ms Richie has claimed that she’s “not down with that”.
Of course, her not being “down with that” is no reason why Madden shouldn’t ask his father-in-law-to-be to come along and play a few songs. After all, it’s his wedding day and we very much doubt he wants to get up on stage and belt out some watered-down versions of ‘Lifestyles of the Rich & Famous’ and a myriad collection of Good Charlotte’s other hits*.
hecklerspray is led to believe that the reasons for Nicole’s lack of downward direction regarding her father stems from the previously mentioned fact that he has had a successful career in the music industry (until the Walker’s Crisps advert) as opposed to a ‘socialite’ only known in the public eye for her father and once debating the origins of the universe with a glass of water on live television.
Nicole is said to be so unbearably jealous of anyone that isn’t famous for being a less-whorish Paris Hilton that she instead invited Paris Hilton herself to play at the wedding, asking her to cover Chris De Burgh’s classic ‘Lady in Red’ for their first mosh.
Joel was said to have been delighted as Chris De Burgh “shits all over that blind-chasing bastard Lionel”.
So- for now- the wedding of the year is safe from show-stealing fathers and it will be left for Nicole to take centre-stage as the main focus of the day; a feeling she is unlikely to ever experience again.
At least she will be until Madden’s estranged father hobbles in to belt out an out-of-tune rendition of ‘Don’t Stop Believin”.
*If they have any.