Admit it – when Nicole Richie called her last baby Harlow, you were worried. Harlow’s a good crappy name, but not a great crappy name.

But, Nicole Richie, welcome back to the table. You were on the ropes for a while – because calling a baby Harlow is almost like calling it Emma or another dirty civilian name. But, God bless you Nicole Richie, you weren’t deterred by your failure. Instead you got pregnant again and promised to give your next baby the stupidest name possible.

Ladies and gentlemen, may we introduce you to Sparrow James Midnight Madden. For crying out loud.

For celebrities, naming babies is a bit like taking drugs. Sure, at first it might seem a bit edgy and cool to call your baby Maddox, because you think that you can control it. But you can’t. Soon you start chasing that first high by calling your next baby Bluebell Madonna. Suddenly you’re in the grip of addiction, and only patently ridiculous names like Bronx Mowgli can give you the satisfaction that you crave. The next thing you know you’re red-eyed and crawling through back-alley dustbins, screaming gibberish like “Nakoa-Wolf Manakauapo Namakaeha Momoa!” at the moon.

Why are we telling you this? Because we’re trying to get through to Nicole Richie, and we know that horrific baby names and irresponsible drug use are the two things she like most of all.

You see, Nicole Richie has just given birth to her second baby with Joel Madden, just over 18 months since giving birth to her last baby. For now, let’s see the statement written on Nicole Richie’s website about the birth:

In the middle of night, the very early hours of September 9, 2009 Sparrow James Midnight Madden was born to Nicole Richie and Joel Madden. He weighs 7lbs 14oz. Nicole, Joel, Harlow and Sparrow are all doing well. Thank you for all of your good wishes.

Aw, that’s so… HANG ON! SPARROW? Where the hell did Sparrow come from? We can only assume that a) Nicole Richie and Joel Madden like Pirates Of The Caribbean and wanted to call their baby after its perpetually drunk lead character, or b) Nicole Richie and Joel Madden like birds and wanted to name their baby after a bird, just not a bird that’s pretty or cool or has a nice-sounding name. We totally get it.

Actually we’re being unfairly cruel here. We happen to quite like the sound of Sparrow James Midnight Madden, and we predict that this ‘weird name/ normal name/ weird name’ trick is one that’s catch on. For instance, we plan on calling our first-born child Armchair Jonathan Rhinoceros Henry Bucket Simon Rhombus Nigel.

God knows what we’ll call it if it’s a boy, though.

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