Nobody really knows why Nicole Richie is so ferociously skinny. We think it might have something to do with the way that pushing one piece of rice around a plate for two hours burns more calories than the rice actually contains, but we can't be certain.

Neither can Nicole Richie, and this perturbs her. Nicole Richie is tired of being known as the skinny sidekick to the slurring pornstar in The Simple Life, and wants to become the slightly portly sidekick to the slurring pornstar in The Simple Life. In short, Nicole Richie is going to go through extensive professional treatment for her inability to put on weight. Details on the exact nature of Nicole Richie's treatment are scarce, but the treatment may or may not involve Nicole Richie eating some fucking food for once in her pissing life.

It's a terrible thing being a celebrity with a more famous Dad. Sean Lennon will never see an exhibition of his fake teeth and if Marlon Richards ever gets his brain drilled, it won't attract as much attention as when his Dad did. Nicole Richie, though, is different. Her Dad is Lionel Richie, a man most famous for having a clay head made of him in the Hello video, so it's fairly easy to outshine him. And she has, too – most Lionel Richie interviews are filled with questions about how skinny Nicole Richie is getting lately. But recently Lionel Richie has started becoming more famous again. Well, OK, Lionel Richie was on X Factor a couple a weeks ago, but it's enough for Nicole Richie to go publicity hunting all over again.

Thankfully, Nicole Richie isn't doing this by weirdly leering all over 11-year-old boys or ending her long-running feud with Paris Hilton by going out for a spot of dinner since that all takes a lot off effort. Instead, Nicole Richie is falling back on that old favourite topic – her weight. For a long time now, Nicole Richie's weight – or lack of it – has shocked onlookers. Lionel Richie says it's all because she's suffering from the stress of having a millionaire Dad and getting paid to be really irresponsible in various workplaces for a day at a time, but Nicole Richie can't ever seem to make up her mind about her weight.

First Nicole Richie said she was very skinny and then she decided that she wasn't very skinny. Now it looks as if Nicole Richie has decided that she is skinny, damnit, and she's going to do something about it! Eat! Go on an expensive course of medical treatment! Here's what People says:

"Nicole Richie has decided to undergo diagnostic treatment to determine why she's not been putting on any weight," her rep tells PEOPLE in a statement. "She is working with a team of doctors and specialists whose focus is nutrition. It is important to Nicole that she achieves this goal in a healthy way as this is not a treatment for an eating disorder."

Let's hope that Nicole Richie does soon accomplish her dream of discovering why she is unable to put on a normal, healthy amount of weight. But only because we've got a couple 'What A Great Big Blobby Fat Lard-Arsed Bitch That Nicole Ritchie Is Turning Into' articles ready that the glossy women's magazines are going to love.

Read more:

Nicole Richie Seeks Help For Weight Issues – People

[story by Stuart Heritage]