When Nicole Kidman starred in BMX Bandits, the world truly was her oyster. She was beautiful, she was fresh, and watching those two Australian bicyclists repeatedly steal ice cream cones from that fat kid was funny as funny can be.

She may as well hang it up though, because now she looks exactly like a large-browed bat. It's unknown whether or not she flies around blindly eating insects at night, but if what her face looks like now means anything, then surely she does. Plus, through most of Bewitched we think she had a squished mosquito stuck to her enamel.

Nicole Kidman looks like a hideous clean-shaven bat. She really does. Don't be down on us for saying it – we're just passing along news. It's a doctor what said it. Then we realised it was true.

Now we're not talking about conventional American sporting equipment here – we mean Kidman looks like one of those furry flying lizards that sucks your blood if you fall asleep at a night-time picnic. This isn't necessarily a bad thing though – at least now she can replace Heath Ledger in the third Batman movie. It'll save the studio a fortune on makeup, and honour the dead actor's greatest role. Batman. Batman was Heath Ledger's greatest role. It's not out yet but we feel the odds of this being true are more than astronomical.

A little hint for the caterers of Kidman's future movies – lay out a bunch of melon. Bats have historically craved the sweet, sweet nectar of a ripe melon – and they always flock to it. You'll see.

Now we're not the only one's who think Nic's face has been horribly morphed – in fact we're not the first ones to think it either. Dr Martin Braun is the one that said it first:

"Nicole seems to get her Botox done two or three weeks before a big event, so when she for instance, goes up on stage to collect her Academy Award she looks frozen and strange. She looks like a bat with too much of an (outer) brow lift. The middle of the brow's been dropped. She's crying when she accepts her Oscar, but nothing is moving."

Braun failed to mention exactly which genus of flying mammal the actress looks like, but we think it's the leaf-nosed bat, which is actually the only bat we've ever found ourselves the least bit attracted to. Sigh. It's just so dainty, sexy and small. Perhaps this bat-likeness is what Kidman's been striving for all along. It explains the time she wanted to simultaneously fly in every single helicopter down-under in a sky lit only by the palest moon. Or possibly at some other time. It also explains why Tom Cruise used to pepper himself with beetle innards and a spritz of cantaloupe juice before the evening's retirement. We heard that's why their marriage didn't work.

We didn't really hear that. Now in closing let us just say that looking like a bat isn't the worst thing in the world. After all, we loved one once. Her name was Ruby and she was eaten by cave snakes during a reshoot for that Planet Earth documentary.

That was the hardest day of all.

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Botox Expert: 'Kidman Looks Like A Bat' – Digital Spy