Puny Disney milktoast, Nick Jonas, is so lacking in edge that he’s akin to some amorphous blob with eyebrows. However, it is vitally important that young women fancy him, or else he loses all sense of value to his team.
So what can he do? How can he aimlessly wander into the fantasies of pre-pubescent women again? There must be something!
Hey! What’s this? Here’s a news story about Nick Jonas feeling that he’s “open” to the idea of going naked on stage. How useful!
If you didn’t know, Nick Jonas (chances are, you’re still wondering who the hell he is – suffice to say, The Jonas Brothers have occupied a million teenage wanks and that’s all you need to know) is taking over from Daniel Radcliffe in the Broadway show ‘How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying’.
In that play, Daniel Radcliffe showed everyone his genitals. Everyone couldn’t quite believe a human could be that pale without being certified dead. Apart from the Celts of the world who actually thought he looked ‘quite tanned’.
And so, will Jonas Brother be showing everyone what he’s been hiding in his underpants all this time? Well, he’s not against it. Putrid.
“I love theatre and I understand the difference between acting and who you are as a person.”
“I don’t know that it’s something I would’ve done in the end, but I definitely would’ve considered it. You have to be open to everything.”
Realising that his young fans will, at some point, grow out of him, Nick Jonas threw a wink to the gays in the hope he can spin silk from his sow’s ear.
“We love our gay fans. It was definitely cool when we realised that, because the more you can grow your audience, the more people you can impact.”
“They’ve been incredible over the years. My brothers and I totally look forward to meeting them, because they really respond to our style, and it’s cool to see how our influence has impacted what they’re wearing.”
“They also give really good gifts at our meet-and-greets — hats, scarves, and other things. They always have good taste.”
Oh, there you have it.