Nick Hogan Out Of Jail, Back In The Arms Of His Mannish Family

Good news, fans of exploitative reality TV shows starring box-faced young criminal goons – Nick Hogan has been released from  jail!

166 days after he went to prison for crashing his car spectacularly enough to require his friend John Graziano to receive constant medical attention, Hulk Hogan‘s son Nick Hogan has been released from jail. And, with soul-destroying inevitability, Nick Hogan is now thought to want a reality TV show about his life on the outside.

It’d be a good show, though, because Nick Hogan is bound to have been though new experiences during his jail sentence and sharing those experiences will be Nick Hogan’s way of giving something back. The only question is the name of the show – there’s already been a Hogan Knows Best and a Brooke Knows Best so… wait! We’ve got it! How about Nick Hogan Remembers Getting Anally Brutalised By An Arsonist? You know, provided that happened.

As all sorts of crappy films are wont to telling us, sometimes life can really change in an instant. And that couldn’t really be more true of Hulk Hogan’s son Nick Hogan.

One day, Nick Hogan was simply the alarmingly square-faced and overprivileged son of a professional wrestler, and then it all changed – the exact moment when Nick crashed his car during an alleged makeshift drag-race and injured his friend John Graziano to the extent where he’ll need medical care for the rest of his life was the exact moment when everything went wrong for everyone.

First there was the immediate knock-on of the crash – Nick Hogan went to jail for it, then ended up in solitary, then got sued by Graziano’s family which made him look even more of a callous sod than he did before. It must have been hard, but not as hard as what the crash did to his family life – his mother and father divorced in the wake of the crash, and then both started to get off with people his own age.

Harbouring the mental image of his mother – who looks disturbingly enough like a man as it is – having it away with someone who he went to school with is probably punishment enough for his crime, but now Nick Bollea has served the prison part of the punishment as well.

According to reports, Nick Hogan was released from Pinellas County Jail early this morning, two months before completing his sentence for good behaviour. While Nick Hogan hasn’t made a statement yet, his mother Linda has already done it for him, as MTV reports:

“This is our time as a family to come together to support Nick’s adjustment back into the public life, keeping it as normal as possible. Neither Nick, nor we as a family, has any interest in making this anything but private. We respect the media’s role and only ask that they respect our privacy. Nick went into prison as a juvenile and has experienced something that will mold and affect him for the rest of his adult life. His focus is to make a positive difference in this world, media-free. Since his future actions will speak louder than any words, there is no need to speak to the media at this time.”

Quite right. There is no reason to speak to the media – especially since doing that will nudge down the price that Nick Hogan can demand for his inevitable sad-faced OK! magazine covershoot and accompanying interview in a couple of months’ time.

And the matter of the reality TV show is still a bit fuzzy. Although Linda Hogan says that Nick’s life will be ‘media-free’ from now on, Nick himself was thought to be keen on finding a reality vehicle upon his release, and the TV networks are bound to be knocking at his door with offers soon. It might just better a matter of when, not if.

Besides, what can Nick Hogan do for a living other than star in reality TV shows? He’s probably not going to be accepted as a bus driver now, that’s for sure, and we’re not sure that the only other job he’s qualified for – using his skull as a template for industrial rectangular birdhouses – even exists.

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Comments

  1. The Dread Pirate Sausage! says

    And, with soul-destroying inevitability, Nick Hogan is now thought to want a reality TV show about his life on the outside.

    +

    …and we’re not sure that the only other job he’s qualified for – using his skull as a template for industrial rectangular birdhouses – even exists.
    —————————————————
    Hysterical

  2. cheech says

    what he should do is get a 45 year old girlfriend now to get back at his scuzzy parents.
    he’s also going to have a lifestyle adjustment, as undoubtedly neither mom or dad can spoil him quite as much now that they are dividing assets. afterall I’m sure linda hogan deserves millions of the dollars hulk earned breaking his body down wrestling just so she can live in gawdy tasteless homes and waste his money.

  3. Aylihhn says

    well I think nick is an awesome guy and he dsnt diserve the life he’s living and he should show the world he’s not the bad guy and it was a mistake for that car accident and he’s very special person and I think he should be on his sisters show and have his own show

    And I never new linde and and hogan divorsed because of nick that’s just a dum thing to do

  4. nick says

    well nick u made a bad mistake but every one screws up but y were u drinking befor u got in the car. That waz very stupid of u hope u get ur life striatened out and hope ur mom &dad get back together.

  5. How It Really Is says

    If he did get assraped in prison that still wasn’t enough, the little prick crippled his friend (John Graziano) who is a vegetable and on a ventilator for the rest of his life and Nick got off pretty damn easy not because of good behavior but all because of who he is and who his father is, and his father has some balls backing up his son like he did nothing wrong and even more sickening making some very ignorant remarks during an interview when he was asked about John and his condition Hulk Hogan had the fucking nerve to say that John was a negitive person and it was God being the one to “lay some heavy shit down” on John because he was an angry person. It really takes a disgusting human being to say something like that just to protect your poor little son who he makes it seem like was the real victim in all this…truely sickening, and they still have the nerve to show their faces on tv.