Newsblam: Daniel Craig Is A Real Spy, Madonna Is A Bad Mum, Katie Holmes Has A Perv Aunt…

…Wow, hey, Daniel Craig has finally been confirmed as the new James Bond. Pah! The new Timothy Dalton, more like - Daniel Craig named as first blond Bond - Reuters…

…The mystery behind the Cruise/Holmes miracle baby has been cleared up, thanks to Katie’s Auntie Carol: "I can assure you they did it the old-fashioned way," she told reporters. "I saw it going in and everything," she probably didn’t add - Old Fashioned Holmes Got Pregnant That Way - Zap2it…

…Nuwwwwwwwuuuuurregh! Chewbacca is now officially an American, and he’s so proud. Kind of: "It is still one of the most wonderful countries in the world, despite the politics, religion and everything else that goes on." Woo - you’re really selling it, Chewie - Chewbacca star becomes US citizen - BBC…

…Now that she’s written the Kabbalah song that will stop her from getting into heaven, Madonna just doesn’t care. She’s banning her kids from milk, TV, reading and clothes - How queen of pop brings up children - Mirror…

…The Strokes try and cover up the fact that their new single sounds like something that System Of A Down rejected as a B-side by making a deliberately controversial video - Strokes Controversy - antiMUSIC…