Newsblam: Britney’s Finger, Pete’s Needle, Weisz’s Sprog

Pete Doherty NewsblamPete Doherty has followed-up squirting blood at a camera by leaving enough used syringes in aeroplane toilets to get him a lifetime ban from EasyJet. That's disgusting, we mean EasyJet? – Singer sparks easyJet drug alert – CNN

…It's official! Kanye West and Ludacris didn't rip-off another track for their hit Stand Up. Expect another copyright lawsuit in the future from the scary OCD guy who hangs around outside Boots clapping his hands in a rudimentary way and shouting "just like that" over and over like a spluttering Tommy Cooper machine – Ludacris And Kanye's 'Stand Up' Victory – E! Online

…Remember that mental poem that Britney Spears that possibly slagged off K-Fed? Well, just to enforce the point, she's added a picture of herself flipping the camera the bird to the bottom of the poem. What could it all mean? Who knows, but let's just be thankful that Britney didn't try to balance Sean Preston on her finger because, seriously, we wouldn't put it past her – Remembrance Of Who I Am – Britney Spears

…Just so you know, the best album ever made is Definitely Maybe by Oasis and not any of those albums that contain nasty things like original thought – Oasis are way out on top – definitely, not maybe – Guardian

David Walliams from Little Britain is set to swim the English Channel for charity. Expect the new Little Britain catchphrase to be "The raw sewerage is stinging my eyes! I think I just swallowed a bit of a Frenchman's turd!"Little Britain star's bid to swim channel – Telegraph

Rachel Weisz has just added to the recent flurry of celebrity babies, by having a bouncing baby boy. She hasn't announced the baby's name yet, possibly because she's trying to think of something that's even more fucking stupid than Shiloh NouvelBaby boy for Oscar-winner Weisz – BBC