The worst thing about Twilight was probably the music. No – Kristen Stewart. No – Robert Pattinson. No – everything.

But the music was pretty awful. Fake-angsty nonsense, all of it – from that Linkin Park song that sounds like the Self Harm preset on Fred Durst‘s old Casio to two songs by Paramore, presumably included so that people would remember Twilight as the movie with the really crappy soundtrack in case the rest of it turned out forgettable.

But the New Moon soundtrack is going to be different – Thom Yorke from Radiohead wants to appear it. We really wish we were joking.

In many ways, Radiohead and the Twilight saga have a lot in common. For instance, Radiohead have managed to channel a paranoid sense of modern alienation into seven increasingly boundary-pushing, era-defining albums, and Twilight is a rubbish film about a sparkly teenage vampire with a dickish haircut.

That didn’t really work, did it? OK, what about fanbases? There has to be some crossover there – Radiohead’s fans tend to be serious, educated men with beards in their late thirties, and Twilight‘s fans are all 14-year-old girls who, based on their contribution to the internet, are all illiterate and called XXXKARLYLOL!!! and have to be wired up to saline drips for 18 hours a day to combat the dehydrating effects of their constant unstoppable urination every time they get within 400 yards of a picture of Robert Pattinson.

There has to be some connection between Radiohead and Twilight, though. There has to be. Because why else would Thom Yorke from Radiohead voluntarily offer his music for the New Moon soundtrack? Because that’s what he’s done, as New Moon director Chris Weitz told Rottentomatoes:

“I am surprised at some of the bands that have said they’re interested. It’s kind of great. The criterion will still always be what’s right for the movie at that given moment, but Thom Yorke is interested; we might, if we’re very lucky, get Kings of Leon to do something… it’s exciting to be able to have access to this kind of talent.”

Now Kings Of Leon we can understand, because they’re the go-to band for any movie that wants – but couldn’t possibly afford – U2 on its soundtrack. But Thom Yorke? Really? What New Moon scene could Thom Yorke possibly soundtrack? The bit where Robert Pattinson grows a beard, ponders his dissatisfaction with contemporary social order and then reads some of Stupid White Men because it’s, you know, the truth and really profound and stuff?

However, this isn’t an entirely hopeless situation. If a Radiohead song does end up on the New Moon soundtrack, then at least it’ll fill up a space that would have otherwise been filled with Paramore. And Radiohead is bound to get a brand new audience after appearing on New Moon.

Admittedly that means that all future Radiohead concerts will be full of silently confused tweens who don’t appreciate the subtle influence of Krzysztof Penderecki on the band’s work. And that means that, to please its new audience, the next Radiohead album will be called Girls Make My Heart Go Plinkety Plonk.

But we’re totally cool with that if they are.

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