The worst thing about Twilight was probably the music. No – Kristen Stewart. No – Robert Pattinson. No – everything.
But the music was pretty awful. Fake-angsty nonsense, all of it – from that Linkin Park song that sounds like the Self Harm preset on Fred Durst‘s old Casio to two songs by Paramore, presumably included so that people would remember Twilight as the movie with the really crappy soundtrack in case the rest of it turned out forgettable.
But the New Moon soundtrack is going to be different – Thom Yorke from Radiohead wants to appear it. We really wish we were joking.
In many ways, Radiohead and the Twilight saga have a lot in common. For instance, Radiohead have managed to channel a paranoid sense of modern alienation into seven increasingly boundary-pushing, era-defining albums, and Twilight is a rubbish film about a sparkly teenage vampire with a dickish haircut.
That didn’t really work, did it? OK, what about fanbases? There has to be some crossover there – Radiohead’s fans tend to be serious, educated men with beards in their late thirties, and Twilight‘s fans are all 14-year-old girls who, based on their contribution to the internet, are all illiterate and called XXXKARLYLOL!!! and have to be wired up to saline drips for 18 hours a day to combat the dehydrating effects of their constant unstoppable urination every time they get within 400 yards of a picture of Robert Pattinson.
There has to be some connection between Radiohead and Twilight, though. There has to be. Because why else would Thom Yorke from Radiohead voluntarily offer his music for the New Moon soundtrack? Because that’s what he’s done, as New Moon director Chris Weitz told Rottentomatoes:
“I am surprised at some of the bands that have said they’re interested. It’s kind of great. The criterion will still always be what’s right for the movie at that given moment, but Thom Yorke is interested; we might, if we’re very lucky, get Kings of Leon to do something… it’s exciting to be able to have access to this kind of talent.”
Now Kings Of Leon we can understand, because they’re the go-to band for any movie that wants – but couldn’t possibly afford – U2 on its soundtrack. But Thom Yorke? Really? What New Moon scene could Thom Yorke possibly soundtrack? The bit where Robert Pattinson grows a beard, ponders his dissatisfaction with contemporary social order and then reads some of Stupid White Men because it’s, you know, the truth and really profound and stuff?
However, this isn’t an entirely hopeless situation. If a Radiohead song does end up on the New Moon soundtrack, then at least it’ll fill up a space that would have otherwise been filled with Paramore. And Radiohead is bound to get a brand new audience after appearing on New Moon.
Admittedly that means that all future Radiohead concerts will be full of silently confused tweens who don’t appreciate the subtle influence of Krzysztof Penderecki on the band’s work. And that means that, to please its new audience, the next Radiohead album will be called Girls Make My Heart Go Plinkety Plonk.
But we’re totally cool with that if they are.
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Starla says
Radiohead’s ’15 Step’ was in the first Twilight film – playing over the last few shots and into the closing credits. Although admittedly they didn’t feature on the soundtrack.
AMANDA says
Although it wasn’t featured on the Twilight soundtrack,
’15 Steps’ by you guessed it- Radiohead, was in the movie. Aka the song that played when it goes all black and white/credits. Radiohead also inspired Stephenie Meyer while writing New Moon.
kim and claire says
twilight is not just for 14 year old girls it caters to a very wide audience! stephanie meyer is a brilliant writer with fantastic movie like writing she has a real talent! and there are millions of us who appreciate and her taste in music! you are very one sided and very much a loner in this world good luck in the next when the after life will get you! anter-vampire twat!
Julia says
“stephanie meyer is a brilliant writer” … excuse me? brilliant? five trillion times of “kiss on the forehead” and “hand on my waist” is not brilliant. but I agree, it’s not only for 14 year old girlies. 25 year old girls – like me – might read it too.
Cherie Currie says
Rubbish. Utter rubbish. I’m not a huge fan of Twilight, but this sexist, prickish piece of tripe does not deserve publication, even on the Internet (the great equalizer, which publishes the thoughts of genius and dunce alike).
First off, Radiohead’s fans include many, many women (myself included). I do not have a beard. Yet.
Second. Radiohead was featured in the film Twilight. You wish you were joking, and I wish you had half a clue what you were talking about. There is zero shock value here.
Third. Yes, Linkin Park and Paramore do suck hairy balls. But you conveniently neglected to mention the presence of the Black Ghosts (a talented pair of Northern Brits making sweet haunting europop). Or what about Iron and Wine? Easily one of the best low-fi folky numbers out there, and with plenty of critical cred. No mention.
Finally. You sir, a pillock. Get it sorted!
Karla says
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!! Not Radiohead.
Cis says
WHERE is THOM Yorke’s words that HE WILL be doing that? Just months ago the director of Terminator Salvation SAID Thom Yorke would be doing the score for the movie. And he didn’t! It seems everyone trows Yorke’s name in everything to land credibility to their projects (yeah, I am talking about Chris Weitz) but ONE thing is to be hopeful that he will be doing that, ANOTHER thing is to have Yorke doing that!
Yeah, 15 Step closed Twilight, but wasn’t offially on the soundtrack. Yorke is clearly all busy right now and I pretty much doubt he will be doing anything specially for a movie. Lovers and haters of Twilight saga should just wait and don’t put words on Yorke’s mouth.
Ren says
Hate to break it to you, but I’m fairly sure that a large percentage of Radiohead’s fans are young girls. I’m 16 and have been a die-hard fan ever since I was 10. But I dispise the Twilight franchise with a burning passion. I will never watch these films.
…As for the beard thing, I do have one small, misplaced facial hair that never fails at alienating those around me. Mwahaha.
KJO says
I’m a well-educated, 30+ female who likes both Radiohead and Twilight…not a 30ish man with a beard and not a 14-year old girl. I think I just disspelled your article.
Donna Camara says
rob and kristen belong together there soul mates and people should leave them alone they have a true love and it will flourist if they are left alone to be together just like edward and bella they are lovers . i”m not a kid i”m an adult
FernandaTwiFan says
GO CHEAT STUPID .
GO FUCK YOURSELF BITCH .
GO FIVE YOUR ASS .
Loly says
fuck you bitch,
if you don’t have talent for do something produtiv don’t say your bullshits about people that have this talent!
Keaton says
I’m 13 and have been a Radiohead fan since last year, after having my sister put Bodysnatchers on my iTunes. I’m now a huge fan, and I’ve just discovered 15 Step was featured in Twilight (of which I am NOT a fan of). Now that Thom Yorke is offering to do some tracks for New Moon, this is kind of opening my liking towards it because if someone like Thom wants to produce music for such a film, it would have to be of my taste…
paulinha says
I hate you!
Catharina says
That was the most ridiculous review I’ve seen in my life. And you can bet I’m not the only one who is laughing at your face, sucker. =) Don
Natalia says
OOooh! Twilight isn’t just for 14-year-old girls !!!!
And you can thank what you want but this article is too much, and i guess you have 400 pictures of womans on your computer!!
Giulia says
OOOW PLEASE ! fuck you !!
YOU’RE AN IDIOT !!!
Kety says
so funny!
Cacs says
I don
mark says
I’ve been horrified by the number of people at work who love Twilight. Several of the above comments only back up my creeping suspicion that its ALL GONE WRONG in the world and everyone except me is an idiot.
p.s. Keep up the Twilight bashing, it’s all I come here for these days
ac says
illiterate fans is his stupid ass. will write something to give. die in hell stupid
Shadowix says
It’s amazing – these horrible books have made Stephenie Meyer SO much money that she really can get all the bands she masturbates to to appear on the film soundtracks. Incredible.
Renata says
I just need to say … ridiculous, your article is RIDICULOUS.
IAT says
I’m from Brazil…I can’t speak this in english
Eu sou uma f
Nathalie Lacerda says
well you dont like link park, paramore or radiohead .. it doesn’t matter…
nonsense?? haha you make me laugh hhaha it’s fantasy d
Twilight says
If twilight is so bad, why have millions fans in the world?
MM says
That was hilarious! I can’t believe people take such strong offense to anyone with an opinion. That’s what drives me nuts about this country. Everything is okay, as long as you don’t go against the grain or have any type of original thought.
Kudos to the writer, and shame on all these posters who feel they need to defend their fandom by cutting down someone’s OPINION. Get over kids, it’s just a damned movie – it’s not like it has the potential to cure cancer or anything.
Twilight forever says
Fuck you!!!
Your fool, motherfucker, son of bitch!!!
You don’t know everything!!!!
I hate you!
JaUm says
Idiot …
You are very ignorant … it does not actually know the history and is critical …
The Soundtrack of Twilight is great, and you are very retarded!
Nicolle says
OMG! Who you think you are? Why did you say all those things about twilight? If you said that, it’s just because you want attention, like a little baby… you want to show the world how you are the only person that hate twilight?… if you want attention, why don’t you put a watermelon in your neck and go out in Times Square saying “I am a stupid man”, because that’s what you ARE!!
YOUR LIFE MUST BE A RUBBISH!
xoxo from illiterate girls from Brazil!
Carla says
Um salve das Foforkianas do Brasil pra vc:
Que se lasque o que vc acha seu cretino!!
.
Translation:
.
You`re a pain in the ass!!
fabiola says
you have much prejudice. if you do not like then do not move.
Amanda says
Look, if you don’t like twilight don’t talk about one thing you don’t know and respect who like! But tell me, I’m really curious, how could illiterate people read four thick books? Because Twilight is not just a movie if you don’t know that! Really go talk about one think you really know or go search for anything to do!
Caitlin says
First off, Sir, you are far too limited in your scope of fan-bases for both Radiohead and Twilight alike. I for instance, am a 25 year old University graduate student currently working on my PhD in Psychology. I happen to love Radiohead and do not believe it is only appealing to 30 something-bearded males (my 25 year old, shaved husband would concur). As for the Twilight series, I am a big fan. Is it the most genius writing? No, for that I turn to Jane Austen. However, it is highly entertaining and has captured the hearts of a wide fan base (not just screaming and pissing 14 year old girls…you also seem to have very little knowledge of exactly what occurs in the female anatomy when she gets excited…I assure you, Sir, it’s not pissing.)
As for your facts, as several people have pointed out so far Radiohead’s 15 Step was in the first movie, something a so-called-columnist like yourself should have realized before diving into your bitter diatribe.
Finally, it’s hardly up to you whether or not Radiohead should decide to participate in the soundtrack for New Moon. Perhaps they themselves are fans (wouldn’t THAT just blow your ridiculous theories out of the water?). Until something is officially announced (not just a speculation announced from the director of things potentially in the works) you can feel welcome to keep your uninformed opinions to yourself.
katgg says
I love you Cherie… you are awesome.
Caitlin says
I wonder how many other people’s well-stated comments have mysteriously disappeared from this site?
Rachel says
Ok I like twilight saga and i have the CD and yes some of the music is out there but I like it. If you dont well dont buy it. And I’m 32 years old and I loved the books and I can’t wait for new moon movie to come out, yes it wont be as good as the book but I know I will still love it and buy it when it comes out on DVD
Juliana says
IDIOT!!
I’M RADIOHEAD FAN AND TWILIGHT FUN AND I’M 20 YEARS OLD AND I’M JORNALIST! SO shut up u mother fucker
AND YOU ARE SO STUPID!!! PLEASE SHUT UP!!
Alice says
When a critic has nothing good to report things begin to speak entirely absurd.
Twilight saga is known worldwide not only for teenagers like you say, more for people of all ages.Yes, everyone has right to express what they think, but should not exaggerate such offending both teenagers in the world there are girls that age are much more intelligent that most trained person there.
On the soundtrack of the first movie that I totally disagree because you criticize Mr Likin Park is a very talented band that does not deserve pejorative words as “clumsy” or “freak.” Paramore a band that can be is taking off now, but has potential to be that much better band there.
You gave your opinion on everything and this concert is my and a lot of people around!
I hope that the next is most constructive criticism and not as offensive.
Sincerely. F
urmisogynyizshowin says
Stuart, your perspective is obviously limited to the “sweeping generalizations” setting, but what the heck ? – I can do myopia, so I’ll respond in kind. Ahem: you are a typical, indulgent Anglo male, which means that your rhetoric on women and girls (indeed, anyone who isn’t a
“serious, educated, white male in his thirtiesdirect reflection of YOUR self-image) is rooted in willful ignorance and is generally useless.BTW: It’s precious the way you pout over Thom Yorke — as if Radiohead = “High Art.” Yaaah, Radiohead is puuuuuure, it’s like outsiiiiiide the zeitgesit, transcendent…
whatever.
Catharina says
Other thing. Look what Rob thought about your review
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fh01kTWTwRo&eurl=http%3A%2F%2Ffoforks%2Ecom%2Ebr%2F&feature=player_embedded
hahaha .. nobody cares for your opinion your silly man =) haha
the only thing you got was 714 people thinking you pathetic.. =) good night.
Erika says
I hope this director is bluffing. I’m a 15 year old (girl) die hard fan of radiohead, not some 30 year old man. Oh yeah I forgot to mention, twilight sucks!
Juliana says
RADIOHEAD SONGS was in THE ROMEO AND JULIET!!
WHY NOT IN NE MOOM?!!
rockon says
And here is yet another 36 year old Twilight and Radiohead fan (for years)…no beard!!
Melissa says
“Radiohead
Nikki says
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA*gaspweeze* A-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
I’m sorry. You were saying? :D
Stimpy says
True dat.
ella fitzgerald says
Radiohead: the band that will stop me from seeing new moon if this happens.
ashley says
i am a 14 year old girl and i doe enjoy twilight, Radiohead, and all the other bands. i have meant plenty of grown women who love twilight. The Soundtrack from twilight was amazing. All the songs went well with the story line. Many of you may not like twilight( and that is ok because it is your opinion) but that does not change the fact that the music waz not great. You did not like it because it is eather not your style of music or you just dont like the theme of twilight completely.
and us squilling fans do not just enjoy twilight because of the hot guys but because it intrest us and it takes us out of our own wourld and lets us imagine. Dont tell me when you were a teen( or is a teen and doesnt like twilight) you didnt have something you obsessed over. Male/female its happend before.
Starla says
Golly gosh, you people are disturbing.
ashley says
we are not all illiterate….dont tell me u havnt obseesed over something yourself
ashley says
amen.He iz very 1 sided i am infact 14 years old but i have ment many older weman who like twilight( they say it gives them thrill and makes them younger)
mousey says
Does no one realize the name of this site? HECKLERspray. HECKLERspray. Say it together people. HECKLER.
And since when has it been so wrong to express one’s opinion? I’m 23, female, think Radiohead is over rated, as is Twilight so in that respect I think they have that in common. I’m just here because the articles usually make me grin and laugh.
Dispute this guy’s writing by all means, but be polite about it, why don’t ya.
Say it again with me now, HECKLER.
TatyChan says
bla bla bla: thats all I hear from you.
Syd says
HECKLERspray. Got it :D Now you just need to get all the bitching and moaning Twilight and Radiohead fans to say it.
li says
stupid
you are very late, and since when
illiterate 14 years to read books more than 2000 pages? hahahaha
JoeMomma says
Millions of people like lots of things that are shit. Just beacuse lots of people like it doesn’t mean it’s good. Generally, it re-inforces that it’s shit. Like Twilight.
JoeMomma says
They likely dissapeared because they were boring.
gilbert wham says
Radiohead are shite, but you ARE illiterate. Caitlin, you are a moron. I’m pretty sure you are not female, married or a PHD student to boot. If you are a PHD student, that was a terribly clumsy piece of writing. Unless you were drunk.
Twilight forever says
foforks from Brazil!!!uhu!!
You`re a pain in the ass!![2]
Sarah Suh says
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Sarah says
yeah right kid. you’re so transparent
Squiggy says
1. Dude, check your grammar before you post articles.
2. You don’t have to be “serious, well educated men with beards in their 30’s” to like Radiohead.
3. It’s all about money. And let’s face it – regardless if the movie is good or sucks, every entertainment media outlet should be writing Robert Pattinson a check because all they have to do is mention him or post a picture and people give them notice. If you think you have to be a sell out/mediocre band to want in on the action, you’re naive. But mostly you just have bad grammar/writing skills.
t. team says
FOFORKIANA:
your bastard, say it again and I will kick your ass your motherfucker. think before speak, AND IF YOU DO NOT HAVE NOTHING BETTER TO SPEAK, shut up your mouth cocksuckers.
YOU’RE A PAIN IN ASS (3)
AManda says
I think you are a crabby, jealous, jackass.
JoeMomma says
Breaking News!
Bored Twilight fans on Summer vacation are more moronic that Chris Brown and MJ Fans COMBINED.
More at 11.
Hope says
You have no right to trash Twilight and Paramore! FYI, Paramore are better people than you are- and Twilight rocks!! Deal with it!!!! Nobody likes haters, so I suggest that you stop talking trash because who the heck cares what you say?! Paramore and Twilight fans still support them- and even if they don`t, you can bet everything that I will!!
Hope says
I am outraged!! You have no right to diss Paramore and Twilight! You may not like them, but so what!? Who really cares what you think?! Nobody likes haters, so I suggest that you stop the trash talk, before you end up in jail with no one to bail you out! They should really have a crime against fake people like you with nothing better to do than make up lies! If people read this and believe it, and all Paramore and Twilight`s fans ditch them, you can bet everything that I won`t, because I don`t believe that stupid crap!!!
CULLEN says
are you kidding me ? please god –‘ your place is the hell
hahahahah
-.- take your words and put them in your ass
Ace says
OK..Everyone has a right to their own opinion and should be able to share it with whomever they want. However, if you want to be respected as a writer, when you write an article with your opinion in it, the article should contain some respect itself. You don’t have to like something/someone to respect it. I mean come on “dickish haircut” Who says that? Also the generalizations made in the article are huge stereotypes. Only teen girls read the books/watch the movies?…wrong. I’m a 30 year old woman, who knows dozens of other 25-55 year old women who love them. Only old men with beards listen to Radiohead?…wrong. I’ve listened to them for a decade. Again, I’m a 30 year old woman, no beard. In my opinion…minus Paramore and Linkin Park, I think the soundtrack is great. It doesn’t matter how or why the books/movies have become so popular. They just did, and to get so worked up over something you don’t like is a waste of time.
Anonymous says
SON OF PUT
DeformedSeaBass says
i agree , i dont want radiohead to be even associated with pre pubescent teens who love hannah montana and straighten each others hair and talk about how theyre gonna bake cookies for the boys . Honestly My taste in music is one of the things i hold dear , please dont take that away from me
Jake says
I’m not 14 (wrong end of 35) or a girl and thought Twilight was rather good. It was defiantly a change from the ‘run of the mill’ vampire movie. If you want to see a very bad vampire film I would suggest ‘Underworld – Rise of the Lycans’
I’ve heard many respected film critics give praise to Twilight here in the UK.
Stuart Heritage seems to be bitching like 14 year old girl! Just my two pennies worth.
li says
bla bla bla
biba says
haha, that’s funny
Lily says
Don’t you go trash talking about people you never met!!!! How would you like it if everyone was trashtalking about you and your crabby self!!! You can keep trash talking all you want but no one is gonna believe the crap that’s coming out your sour mouth!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You just plain rude and sour!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Good day, I said Good day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I am the one of the maddest people on earth!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
tar_ancalyme says
what a bitter life it must be with such a narrow mind… but you
hmm says
Agreed sir, its funny how twi-hards are trying to talk you down. Its an opinionated article, he’s supposed to trash talk, as long as thats what he thinks.