For crying out loud, New Moon. You’re making this way too easy for us. A bin? A copy of your script was found in the bin?

A bin where you keep rubbish, New Moon? Are you after our jobs or something? Do you think that doing so something so ridiculously beyond parody like actually throwing your own script in the bin where you keep rubbish will somehow make us redundant? Do you? Do you, New Moon?

Anyway, a copy of the New Moon script has been found in a bin. A bin where you keep rubbish. Oh, we’ve already said.

What with Twilight being so successful and all, anticipation for its sequel New Moon is currently at fever pitch. The sort of fever pitch you’re reach if you ate too many sweeties at the park and all the sugar and colourings had made you hyper. It’s almost as if everyone who likes Twilight is an obnoxious squealing infant. Weird.

Anyway, because anticipation for New Moon is at fever pitch, people are desperate to find out that happens in it. Now, true, they could do this by actually reading the widely-available novel of the same name that the movie is based on, but that’s no fun. Instead they’d prefer to literally scavenge through actual garbage on the off-chance that they’ll stumble across a carelessly-discarded copy of the script in a bin somewhere.

Which, funnily enough, a woman in St Louis did recently. The Huffington Post reports:

Casey Ray found two scripts, one for the vampire sequel “New Moon” and one for a different movie titled “Memoirs.” She decided to return them to the studio making the films. In return, she was invited to attend the movies’ premieres, her lawyer said… When Ray found the scripts, she considered leaking them to a national tabloid but decided against it, said her lawyer, Al Watkins.

Not to oversell the point here, but a bin? The New Moon script was in a bin? It’s hard to think of anything more symbolic, really, isn’t it? Unless someone found a copy of the New Moon script that was literally made out of human faeces being masturbated on by a homeless man, of course, but that strikes us as kind of impractical.

So who could have thrown the New Moon script in the bin in the first place? Well, judging by the fact that the script was found in a hotel where actors from the new George Clooney movie Up In The Air were staying, and Up In The Air stars Anna Kendrick from New Moon, it’s not too difficult to work out what happened. Kristen Stewart did it, the giant bitch.

Or maybe she didn’t. Who knows? All we’re interested in is working out which version of the New Moon script was found – the early version that barely features Robert Pattinson, or the newer one that was written after producers realised that nobody would go and watch New Moon unless every scene had Robert Pattinson in it, even if it meant he was listlessly mooching around in the background like some kind of wazzock.

You! Follow hecklerspray on Twitter!