Let’s play a quick game. Things that Miley Cyrus likes: parties, the USA, money, the sound of her own voice.
Things that Miley Cyrus doesn’t like: Twilight. There must be other things too – like having a dad whose beard is shaped like a stripper’s vagina, probably – but Twilight is the main one. Miley Cyrus really doesn’t like Twilight. We know this because Miley Cyrus told someone that she didn’t like Twilight and now it’s news. Because that’s how news works.
In fact, Miley Cyrus says that she doesn’t even believe in Twilight, which is silly because it clearly exists. A damning indictment of the homeschool curriculum from Miley Cyrus, there.
This is a difficult time for Miley Cyrus. She’s clearly desperate to break free from the shackles of Hannah Montana and become a more adult-oriented performer, but how? Taking her clothes off for magazines? She’s already done that. Releasing singles that sound like tenth-rate Red Hot Chili Pepper rip-offs instead of tenth-rate High School Musical rip-offs? She’s already done that too. What else can Miley do to deliberately distance herself from her tween fanbase?
We know! Why doesn’t Miley Cyrus take every opportunity to badmouth everything that tweens traditionally like? It’s a perfect idea. Tweens like Twitter, so why doesn’t Miley Cyrus suddenly decide that she hates Twitter? What? She’s already done that? Brilliant? What next? What else do tweens like? Heelies? Too niche. Ice cream? Too broad. Talking about themselves endless in gratingly rasping voices under the profound misapprehension that anybody cares? But Miley likes that too! Oh, this is SO HARD!
Hang on, what about Twilight? That’s perfect. Tweens don’t just like Twilight, they love Twilight. They love Twilight so much that all they want to do when they grow up is get pregnant from a 108-year-old man who’ll gnaw through her guts to get the baby out. So why doesn’t Miley Cyrus just trash that? It’s a DEAL! MTV reports:
“I’ve never seen it and nor will I ever,” Miley [said]. The starlet went on to elaborate on what exactly it is about “Twilight” that offends her. “I don’t believe in it. I don’t like vampires. … I don’t like the wolf that pops out of the screen when I’m watching my TV at night. I don’t like it. I don’t want anything to do with it. I don’t like the shirts. I don’t like any of it,” she said.
Well, gee Miley, we knew that you didn’t like shirts – because you take enough photos of yourself without them – but to say that you don’t like Twilight a few days before the release of New Moon is put thousands of young fans in a quandary. What are they supposed to do now?
Do they side with Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart, the effortlessly dishevelled stars of New Moon who inspire lust and devotion everywhere they go? Or do the side with the annoying 16-year-old who’s probably best known for holding hands with a Jonas Brother and singing songs like Ice Cream Freeze (Let’s Chill)?
Yeah, it’s a toughie.
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Dabby says
Ugh, so Miley Cyrus is champion of the anti-Twilight brigade? She’s turned this into a Catch-22 situation.
magnetite says
Miley is simply acknowledging that her true fanbase has always been male 50 year-olds living in the damp, chthonic murk below their mothers’ homes; alternating between the interrupted fellation of the barrel of the gun that will end their torment forever, and scouring the internet for signs of the one thing that stops them from pulling the trigger. For now.
Next she will eschew wearing pants in the house and bathing. The pandering cow.
Julia says
I think she’s just trying to be different for the sake of being different. She also recently said she doesn’t like “pop music” even though her favorite singer is Britney Spears, one of her favorite songs is that Aly and Aj “Potential Break Up” song and ALL of her music is freaking pop! She’s just trying to be the edgy cool kid. It’s funny that she’s trying so hard in front of millions of people.
Ashley says
I think the best part is that she doesn’t “believe” in twilight! You don’t have to “believe” in anything to like it! Ahahahaha. Even 50 Cent admits to the Twilight craze being legit in this video clip : http://www.newsy.com/videos/what_s_this_vampire_craze_all_about
Xinnnzxc says
what’s wrong w/ the person who posted this?
you have no respect for others! totally!
mactheknife says
“A damning indictment of the homeschool curriculum from Miley Cyrus, there.” THE line of the piece
shooty* says
Good use of Lovecraftian imagery. Liking your work today.
shooty* says
Nah, the best line is from Cyrus herself: “I don
shooty* says
Yeah, coz 50 Cent is really, really, really “legit”.
Not, like, a closet-case, faux rapper with a shoe fetish. No no no.
Tell me: Does Chris Brown endorse Harry Potter?
Eugene says
Generally, teen stars have a shelf life, and Miley is getting towards the end of hers.
Making the transition from teen star to a credible adult performer is a big challenge, and few performers are capable of making the jump. I suspect that the next few years will be interesting ones for those that follow Ms. Cyrus’ career. For her sake, I hope two things are true:
1) That the money she has made to date has been invested wisely, and that she has good people overseeing her finances.
2) If, as seems likely, she has issues with her transition, they’re not as messy or as public as Britney’s or Lilo’s.
We shall see.
magnetite says
Commenting is so Lovecraftian, Shooty*. The broadly drawn characters, the pervasive sense of menace, insane cultists praising their mad gods.
Toss me a swordcane and that copy of The Book of Eibon. I have a boat to Easter Island to catch.
gilbert wham says
Top class, truly top class.
Yvette says
I think Miley Cyrus is just jelous because she’ll never have a movie as good as TWILIGHT….I mean come on who doesnt like that movie…
swissmiss says
I think she’s entitled to her own opinion about ANYTHING she wants to spill about..Just like EVERYONE OF YOU!!!
W.Panther says
Its fictional, get that drill in your head. You don’t have to believe because its not real. Fictional! Twilight can have a fucking dragon come out instead of vampires.
Raerae says
MOST OF YOU GUYS ARE PROVING HER RIGHT.. YOU OVERLY OBSSESED FANS ARE MAKING HER NOT LIKE IT.. EVEN KRISTEN STEWART CALLED YOU GUYS RETARDED… AND SHE DID BUT OOH WHATEVER MILEY DOES IT’S BIG DEAL… YOU GUYS HAVE PROBLEMS… OBSESSING OVER A MOVIE? I MEAN COME ON PEOPLE LIKE ME AND MILEY DON’T HAVE TO LIKE TWILIGHT OR NEW MOON… SO SHUT THE HELL UP ABOUT IT… YOU’RE GUY’S OPINIONS ARE I LOVE TWILIGHT.. HER OPINION IS I DON’T LIKE TWILIGHT. IF YOU CAN HAVE YOUR OPINION SHE DANG WELL CAN HAVE HERS… YOU PEOPLE MAKE ME SICK.
Cait says
She is so gay. Ever since Hannah Montana came out then the photos of her. She is such a FREAK!!!! Have you seen the pictures she took with her hair all blackish???!!!! She looks like a cheap loserlike copy of the totally awesome Amy Lee. Miley is such a BITCH!!! i like twilight and new moon, people have gone a little far with it but its still good.
diana says
miley cyrussssss loveeeeeeeeeee
Staciee says
I’m pretty sure Miley Cyrus isn’t the only person who likes money. So what is it to you that she doesn’t like Twilight? This is really stupid. Everyone has their own opinion, and people need to learn to respect that. Not everyone likes TWILIGHT. Okay? Simple as that. Reason being I don’t like it: it’s a a cheap version of Romeo & Juliet, mixed with Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Yes, I’ve read the books. No, I don’t like them. Once you’ve ready any other GOOD piece of literature, you realize it really isn’t great. But hey, when you think about it, most tween/teen girls that like this stuff don’t read much at all (except for magazines and book report books they probably don’t even bother to read).
Staciee says
AMEN! This is one of only valid comments on here. All others are real stupid.
bethan says
this story sucks. is it really a big deal if she doesnt like twilight? get a life.