New James Bond Update - Confusion Special

This whole new James Bond malarkey is never going to end, is it? So far, we know that the new James Bond film will be an adaptation of Casino Royale written by the depressing man behind Million Dollar Baby.

But actual news about the new 007 actor has been thin on the ground. Until today, that is. There are four James Bond news stories flying around today. And they’re all different…

Story 1: Pierce Brosnan wants more porn and snuff in the new James Bond movie.
If
we were mates with Pierce Brosnan (DVDs), we’d tell him to talk about
something other than James Bond. It’s all he’s ever banging on about.
Imagine living with him, and having to listen to his endless Bond
monologue. It’d be crap. Here’s his latest idea for the new Bond film -
more sex and death, please.

"You’re not even allowed to show a bloody nipple. It’s pathetic. What
Bond needs is a good, palpable killing sequence and a good sex scene."

What’s
it got to do with Pierce, anyway? He’s already exceedingly bitter about
not being in the new film. It’s over for him. Or is it?

Story 2: Pierce Brosnan is the new James Bond.
Well, the old new
James Bond. Or the new old James Bond… look, we’ve confused
ourselves. Anyway, despite all his whinging about not being James Bond
anymore, it looks like Pierce Brosnan might still be 007 after all.
MI6.co.uk are claiming that Brosnan is, in fact, still the favourite to
star in Casino Royale. They quote an interview with him where he
recalls a meeting with Sony:

"I
was in their offices just a few weeks ago pitching Thomas Crown 2. They
said, ‘come back’ and I said ‘it’s not up to me, guys.’"

So Brosnan will play James Bond after all. Or will he?

Story 3: Daniel Craig buys a book.
Odd-faced actor Daniel Craig (DVDs)
has been quoted doing the whole "yeah, they wanted me but I told them
no" thing in the past, but Contactmusic are adamant that he’s still in
the running. Why? He went into a bookshop to ask for a first edition
copy of Casino Royale, that’s why. The bookshop man told him it would
cost around £20,000, so Daniel scarpered. So that means Daniel Craig is the new James Bond. Or is he?

Story 4: Roger Moore wants Ewan McGregor to be Bond.
Roger Moore (DVDs),
the crappiest ever James Bond (yes, worse than Dalton) has presumably
decided that he doesn’t want to be known as the crappiest ever Bond any
more, and has recommended that an even crapper actor should take the
role. Ewan McGregor (DVDs) - fresh from being crap in The Island and three
Star Wars films - is not being considered for the role because he’s a
tiny wee man who stands at 5ft 10in tall. And Moore thinks this is
wrong:

"I respect all the people who have been
reported as being in the running for the role but for me, Ewan is the
best. When I started out as James Bond, there were all sorts of things
said
about me and people said I was too young for the part or that my hair
was too long, but it didn’t spoil my performance.It’s ridiculous. I
thought, that’s a stupid reason.
Ewan’s a fine actor and he’s tall anyway. I couldn’t believe it."

So Ewan McGregor is the new Bond. Or is he?

Oh, who bloody knows? We wish that someone would hurry up and make some kind of formal announcement, though.

Read more:

Brosnan on what Bond needs - Monsters and Critics

Pierce Brosnan Set For James Bond Return - MI6

Craig Delivers Bond Clue - Contactmusic

Roger Moore Backs Ewan McGregor For Casino Royale Role - FemaleFirst

[story by Stuart Heritage]