You probably thought that Girls Aloud were going to split up, didn't you? And you probably thought something along the lines of "I've never dedicated even a moment's thought to Girls Aloud, so this news means nothing to me."
Well, ha-HA! Girls Aloud haven't split up after all – in fact Girls Aloud haven't split up to such a degree that they've got a new single coming out entitled Sexy No No No. It's hard to describe Sexy No No No to people who haven't heard it – which is one of the reasons we've got a video of it after the jump – but try to think of every other Girls Aloud single ever. That's pretty much identical to what Sexy No No No by Girls Aloud sounds like. Obviously as someone who's never even dedicated a moment's thought to Girls Aloud, the fact that Girls Aloud are a) not splitting up and b) releasing a single probably means nothing to you either. You fiend, you're always one step ahead.
A little over a year ago, we told you that Girls Aloud were splitting up. It seemed logical at the time – during the Girls Aloud E4 documentary they did last year, the group did a very good impression of a bunch of spiteful self-obsessed cows who hated themselves, each other and the music they made. Plus there was the Girls Aloud Greatest Hits album which – seeing as how none of Girls Aloud's hits were all that great – we took to be a sign of imminent Girls Aloud death.
And, you know, for a TV-manufactured girlband we thought Girls Aloud had a pretty good innings. They managed to fight with Mel C and almost had a Christmas number one – something that only the other members of The Spice Girls can really say they've accomplished. They'd had number one singles, celebrity boyfriends, dreadful stage-managed arguments with other singers and they'd literally been photographed falling out of every single drinking establishment in the country blind drunk. And one or two petrol stations also. What else was left for them to do after that?
Well, how about recording a new album and promoting it with Sexy No No No, a single that couldn't sound any more like all other Girls Aloud songs if they were just miming to a copy of Love Machine that Nadine taped off the telly. But let's not be mean and break their hearts, because Girls Aloud are convinced that Sexy No No No is the modern pop equivalent of Dylan going electric. Digital Spy reports:
Speaking to DS backstage at T4 on the Beach, Kimberley Walsh said of the album: "It should be out before Christmas. I'm not sure what the date is – it depends what time it gets finished. We're still working on it at the minute. "It's kind of like it's still Girls Aloud, but obviously progressed. We're obviously getting older and we always, you know, like to try and push things forward. It's Girls Aloud, but older." Bandmate Nicola Roberts added: "We're really excited to get back in (the studio) writing and singing and everything. It's really good."
By now you're probably so desperate to see Girls Aloud perform Sexy No No No that you'll literally poo out your intestines right now if we don't show you a video. So, OK, here's a video…
Cool, huh? And by 'cool' we obviously mean 'breathtakingly generic'. Of course, deep down we all know why Girls Aloud decided to record a new album. It's because if they hadn't, their last message to the world would have been that cover of Walk This Way they did with the Sugababes. So who can blame them, really.
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ashley-jane says
hi i love you all and you are my hero and kimberley you have the same middle name as me
shabbir ahmed says
i love sexy girls