Ne-Yo Wins A Bunch Of Cash For Being Better Than R Kelly

Ne-Yo - the only R&B singer on Earth to name himself after the Doppler effect - is a pretty popular chap, but now that’s been legally confirmed.

Last year Ne-Yo was on tour supporting R Kelly, but he got the sack after two shows because he says the crowds preferred him and R Kelly got the hump. A quick court case later, and Ne-Yo seems to have had his argument upheld - he’s just been awarded $700,000 from the tour’s promoter for sacking him so quickly.

So congratulations Ne-Yo - you’re now sort of officially more popular than a man who until recently was thought to have starred in a piss-sex video with a child. That’s just a level of popularity we can only ever dream of reaching. Tell us Ne-Yo, how does that feel?

Even though he’s got two songs currently in the top 40 and he’s rapidly approaching the top of his game, we haven’t really discussed Ne-Yo a lot here. Why is that? Well, it could be because Ne-Yo’s name is a pain in the arse to type, but it’s probably because Ne-Yo seems like a work-obsessed dullard who wouldn’t even be remotely exciting if you gave him a box of fireworks and a kitten.

But all that’s about to change, because Ne-Yo has just won a lawsuit against a concert promoter. Crikey - that’s about as thrilling as it gets, right? Gosh!

No, wait, come back - the lawsuit was sort of about R Kelly acting like a dick, so we’ll let Ne-Yo off just this once.

At the end of last year, Ne-Yo was booked as R Kelly’s support act on tour. However, since Ne-Yo is a hot young thing, an accomplished songwriter and the star of hit movie Save The Last Dance 2 - and since at the time nobody was sure if R Kelly was into weeing on children’s faces or not - the crowds seemed to prefer Ne-Yo’s performances. Weirdly, it was at about this time that R Kelly sacked him. And that’s where BBC News can take over:

R&B singer Ne-Yo has been awarded $700,320 (£395,580) after he was dropped from a tour with R Kelly… In January, Ne-Yo sued tour promoter Georgia-based Rowe Entertainment Inc. The company never responded to the case. Last week, a Los Angeles Superior Court judge ordered them to pay Ne-Yo and his touring company damages.

So that’s it? No statements from Ne-Yo or R Kelly, who denies that Ne-Yo was sacked for being too good? When do we get to hear about all the searing maneuvering that went on behind the scenes of this pedal-to-the-metal contract violation lawsuit?

It better be soon, because a blow-by-blow account of exactly what happened in the run-up to the lawsuit could be just the thing to inject a little bit of pizazz into Ne-Yo’s public image.

That’s right, we’re basically suggesting that Ne-Yo would be more interesting if he discussed the ins and out of legal admin with us. What of it?